The Jewel Island Chronicles
by superblooper
Summary: After a routine kidnapping gone wrong, Bowser finds his eight Koopalings have mysteriously vanished. Now, two unlikely heroes must reluctantly pair up to rescue the Koopalings with the Mario Brothers in hot pursuit. BowserxPeach
1. Prologue

**A/N: On the first day of (Winter Holiday) my true love gave to meeee, a BowserxPeach adventure stor-rieeee *heart***

**This is just a prologue, a little tease if you will. It's not related to YotW, but hopefully you'll still find it fun. Let me know what you think! This is a particular challenge for me because I'm not 100% comfortable writing action scenes. If you're a confident coach in that field and willing to tutor, send me a PM and let's talk about it!**

**As always, thanks for reading and leaving reviews! Oh, oh, and...I don't own Mario or any of the characters. (Has anyone found out definitively if it's necessary to write that or not?)**

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"Help!" screeched Princess Peach as she once again found herself held against her will in Bowser's Clown Car, the most jovial of all the Koopa King's air transports. "Somebody please help me!"

_Always with the yelling, why can't she be quiet? _Bowser rubbed his pounding temples and growled. "All that screaming isn't going to do you any good this time, Princess. First of all, since we're flying over the ocean and all, the only things that can hear you are the seagulls and me; personally, I don't think the seagulls appreciate the disturbance either. Secondly, I'm taking you somewhere far away, where the Idiot Brothers will never find you, so you better get used to it and settle down."

Peach fumed as Bowser resumed piloting the copter. Screaming while nobody could hear her would only serve to damage her throat, that much was true, but she also wanted to make Bowser's kidnapping attempts as miserable for him as possible.

She panicked trying to think of ways to escape the dreaded copter. Half-forming an idea, Peach leaned over the edge of the Clown Car in attempt to discern how fast they were traveling.

Bowser caught sight of the disobedient princess in his peripheral vision. As if reading Peach's mind, Bowser stuck his claw out and grabbed her by the waist. "What do you think you're doing?" he roared, disbelieving she would entertain thoughts of jumping. At their current speed and height, even if she survived impact, she'd be far too damaged to swim to shore.

"Get off of me!" she screamed, struggling to get away. She struck Bowser's arm with her balled fists. "Why don't you take me home, you brute."

In retaliation, Bowser heaved Peach over his shoulder, causing Peach to scream and kick harder. "If you don't put me down right this instant…you-you'll be sorry, you menace!"

Bowser snorted; now the princess thought she was in a position to make ultimatums? "Blah, blah, blah. I'll put you down when you stop having stupid thoughts of escaping."

Unfortunately, as Bowser finished taunting the princess, Peach landed a misaimed kick to the central dashboard control panel. The heel of her shoe penetrated the fragile glass screen, releasing bright sparks while warning chimes issued from the speakers.

"Whoa there! What are you trying to do?" He yelled, dropping the princess to the bottom of the copter. He attempted to regain control of the Clown Car.

"Shoot, we're losing altitude." Gripping the yoke, Bowser's muscles strained as he called upon all his strength to pull the Car up; however, it was no use. The chimes became louder as the vehicle neared the choppy surface of the ocean. Peach clung to the edge of the cup for dear life as she braced herself for impact. The Clown Car entered the water with a huge splash.

The crash left Peach discombobulated as she plunged into the frigid salt water. Her delicate fingers clawed at cool, smooth fiberglass. She found herself trapped underwater beneath the overturned Clown Car. Her lungs burned for oxygen as she dove to free herself, kicking furiously to the surface. When she emerged gasping for air, seaweed and wet hair plastered her face and she could not spot Bowser.

In the distance, she saw a shimmering green island. As the Clown Car sank, her only hope was to swim toward the island and hope she did not become too tired to make it. Her long dress grew heavy with moisture, making it difficult to swim; however, she carried on, her adrenaline trumping her weariness.

At last, after a lengthy and strenuous swim, sand and pebbles materialized beneath her bare feet; she had long since abandoned her pink satin pumps and pristine white gloves to the watery depths of the ocean. A wave washed over her as she collapsed on the shore. She hoped the glow of the afternoon sun might warm her shivering body. Instead, the wind whipping across the dunes chilled the water on her skin and made matters worse.

Peach sat up and attempted to wring the water out of her sopping dress and hair. She wiped the salt water away from her bleary eyes and examined her surroundings. A short distance away, she saw a large spiked shell that looked as though it belonged to Bowser. Scrambling to her feet, she went to take a look. Upon closer inspection, she found the shell to be empty. _That's odd. _She clutched herself miserably from the cold and continued to survey the landscape.

A short distance away from the ocean, the sand turned to grassy hills. Peach ventured up to the grass to find shelter from the wind amongst the sparse patches of trees that populated the area. A cluster of granite boulders soon caught her interest as a potential shelter.

When she ambled over to the dull, glittering rocks, she noticed they held a piece of fabric. She grasped the fabric and examined it. It looked like a black flag with an equilateral triangle cut from one of the sides. Peach gasped. _Could this be a pirate flag? _To Peach's dismay, the material would not provide enough coverage to retain her modesty if she were to remove her cloying, wet dress. The fabric was smooth, silky, and damp. _This material…it's not like a flag at all. It's like somebody's—_

"Hey!" the sharp yell startled Peach out of her thoughts and made her drop the cloth in question on the ground. "What do you think you're doing with those?"

Peach turned to find herself face-to-face with Bowser, who looked upset as he hid behind a tree, hands clamped over his private bits.

"Oh Stars!" Peach shrieked, whipping back around. "Bowser, what are you—will you please put on some clothes? "

"I would if you would give them to me," he growled through gritted teeth.

Peach gritted her own teeth as she scooped up the silky black boxer shorts with her big toe and, without turning around, used her leg to fling them in Bowser's general direction with a soft "Ew."

Bowser rolled his eyes, "Oh, c'mon, they're clean."

Peach crossed her arms in a huff. Bowser quickly dressed while her back was turned to him. "So do you make getting naked your first priority on every unknown island where you crash?"

"Yeah, I guess so, because this is the first time I've ever crashed on anything. I guess we have you to thank for that one. So there, thank you Princess Peach. If you wanna know, it's uncomfortable to walk around in a wet shell, especially if your underwear get wet; everything gets all sticky and-"

"Thank you! As it turns out, I didn't want to know," Peach interrupted. She had already heard and seen much more of Bowser than she had ever wanted to hear and see in her whole life. She shuddered again with the cold as the sun was setting and the fog rolled in from the sea.

"Well, I'm gonna go get my shell. Luckily for us, I figured out that we're not on an 'unknown island' after all. We landed right on the island that I was planning to take you to! We're a ways from the castle though, so we'd better get moving if we wanna get there before it gets dark."

"Oh no you don't!" yelled the alarmed princess, "I'm not going anywhere with you. I'm going to stay right here until the Mario Brothers find me."

"Oh? And how long do you think that'll take? You're telling me you wanna stay here in wet clothes with no food, no fresh water, and no tent? You don't even know what terrible beasts are on this island."

Peach folded her arms as she watched Bowser waddle down to the shore. He looked so odd walking without his shell. He was right, but she hated the thought of going along with anything he wanted her to do.

She tried to think of a good retort as Bowser came back from the shore with his shell.

"Heh heh, the tide almost took it away," he mused, halfway to himself.

"I can't travel; I have no shoes." Peach explained, pointing to her wiggling feet. A lame excuse, even in her own mind.

Bowser looked her over. _Was that the best excuse she could think of? _"Alright," he chirped, "I'll carry you!"

Before Peach could protest, Bowser picked her up and cradled her in his arms.

"Put me down, you reptile!"

"Oh yeah? Now you wanna walk all the way? There are sharp rocks and thorny plants, and things; but if you insist…"

Peach huffed and stopped complaining. At least in Bowser's grasp, she had protection from the wind, and he was also plenty warm.

"Ah Peach, have you gone on a diet? You're so light I could carry you all day."

Peach sniffed at his compliment and watched the rolling scenery. The island was lush with tender green grasses as far as the eye could see. She could see the faint glow of lights in the far distance. _That must be the castle. _Peach yawned, her body and mind fatigued from all the events. She could not see much in the twilight so she closed her eyes as they grew weary of the strain. Despite her displeasure and apprehension, Bowser's steady breaths and swaying footsteps lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

Bowser looked down at his graceful sleeping princess, feeling her body rise and fall with every gentle breath. In truth, the day's activities of kidnapping, swimming, and now hiking while carrying the extra weight of the sleeping princess were beginning to tire him. However, seeing that beautiful figure draped across his arms, sleeping tenderly in his embrace, made it all worth it and he would gladly walk three times the distance to have his precious Peach this near to him.

Nevertheless, he was glad when they drew near to his castle, where all the Koopalings would be waiting for him. Bowser narrowed his eyes when he found no sentry outside the gate. _Who was in charge of this? Don't those Koopalings know anything about guarding a fortress? I could be anyone right now; I could be the Mario Brothers for crying out loud!_

Silently vowing to lecture his kids on proper defense strategy, he opened the creaky door of the fortress and found the building strangely quiet and empty. _What's going on here? _ Could this be a surprise party? The Koopalings might plan something of the sort, but today was not his birthday. He looked down at the waking princess; today was not her birthday either.

"Huh? Is this the castle?" Peach asked. "Why is it so dark?"

"I dunno, all the Koopalings are supposed to be here," he replied. Peach squirmed in his grasp and he reluctantly set her down. "I'll show you your room in a minute; I'm gonna head into the throne room and see what's going on."

With nothing else to do, Peach hesitantly followed Bowser to the large red double doors leading to the throne room. Bowser jerked on of the handles and was shocked to find the door noncompliant.

"It's locked!" he shouted, furrowing his brows. "I'll take care of this!" Bowser took a step back and rammed into the doors with all his might. The doors shook and made cracking sounds. He rammed the doors again, throwing his full body weight onto the damaged doors. Peach gasped as the doors splintered and cracked at the hinges, allowing Bowser to demolish the door with his next attack.

Inside the throne room sat a single Ninjerry with his eyes narrowed. The golden assassin did not waste any time with words, instead offering a swift shuriken in way of greeting. With only a scrape to his left arm, Bowser miraculously dodged the flying metal star while the Ninjerry quickly bounced off walls in an effort to confound the Koopa King. Advancing on the speedy intruder, Bowser ducked another attack from the Ninjerry and unleashed a powerful fire blast, instantly roasting the unwelcome guest.

Peach's curiosity got the better of her and she stepped forward to watch Bowser check the charred body. Sorting through layers of scorched clothes revealed no reward; however, clutched in the Ninjerry's hand was a piece of paper, too burnt to read.

"It looks like a receipt," offered Peach.

"Dirty ninjas," growled Bowser. "Willing to do anything for money." Bowser kicked the body aside and grabbed a set of keys from a small urn to the left of the grand throne. He took off from the throne room and down the stone stairs with curious Peach in hot pursuit.

As they descended into a dark underground passage, the princess was not sure if she should remind Bowser of the injury on his left arm. The shallow scrape was dripping blood down the sides of his limb. The sight of blood had always made Peach feel uneasy. Though it would have taken little effort to heal the wound, in her anger she said nothing and averted her eyes from the messy crimson streams. Any weakness in her enemy would give the Mario Brothers strength when they came to rescue her.

Bowser descended more steps into a chilly dungeon. Inside were all of the servants and guards of the castle locked in a cell together.

"Your Bravery!" they cried, surprised to see their leader had come to rescue them.

"Don't get too happy. Nobody's leaving this cell until you all can explain what happened and where are my kids?"

A brave Koopatrol stepped to the front, "Sir! It was awful, Sir. There were hundreds of them in an ambush attack with explosives and magic. They cut our communication lines and we had no backup, Sir."

"Hundreds of what?" Bowser growled.

"Sir, I know not their names, Sir."

"Where are my kids?"

The crowd of minions went silent.

"Well!"

A Goomba pushed to the front of the crowd, "Your Nastiness, I saw it with my own eyes; they took the Koopalings! They took them in little white sacks!"

Bowser roared with fury, "Impossible! What forces would take my kids? You…You are all worthless! What did I hire you for? As far as I'm concerned, you can all rot in that cell until I get my kids back!" He turned to leave the dungeons as the servants and guards clamored in their cells.

A pang of pity for the troops and servants of the castle shot through Peach's conscience. After all, her own guards always did the best they could, and yet she managed to get kidnapped time and time again. She could see the cell was cramped and did not appear to have enough space for everyone to sleep. Furthermore, if Bowser left to get his kids, the minions would have nobody to bring them food and they would all starve inside the cell.

"Bowser, you can't! I'm sure they did their best…" Peach started.

"Well it wasn't good enough, was it?"

"Bowser, please reconsider," she asked, with a compassionate gaze. She attempted to find a way to benefit sell the Koopa King; obviously the only way to motivate him was to appeal to his selfish desires. "If you don't let them out, there will be nobody to make our breakfast in the morning."

Bowser paused. He did not want to leave Peach in the castle without proper attendants, especially if undesirables were on the prowl. Though his minions had already proven themselves unworthy, he figured some protection would be better than no protection. "Fine, I'll let them out so they can make your breakfast in the morning; I'm leaving tonight."

Peach's eyes grew wide. _He's going to leave me here? _Peach did not want to be left alone in the castle with Bowser's minions. _If I'm here and he's not, there's a better chance that Mario and Luigi will be able to rescue me, but they don't know where to start looking for me. What if Bowser is right; what if I'm in a place where nobody will think to look for me?_

Peach did not know where she was, but if she could somehow communicate to the Mario Brothers that she crashed on a green, grassy island in the west over the sea, perhaps they could find her. The communication lines were down so she would be unable to sneak any messages to the Mushroom Kingdom. If Bowser were going on a quest to find his children, he would have to come across a town at some point. If he were distracted, she could find out where she was and ask a kind villager to send a letter.

"I want to go with you."

Bowser's heart did a small flip before he brought himself back to earth with a reality check. "Oh what, so you can find a way to tell those dumb plumbs where we are? I don't think so, you're not going anywhere."

_Darn it, how does he always know? _"Please, you can't leave me here with these monsters running loose. Look, everyone here is tired; if an enemy were to attack, we couldn't defend ourselves!"

Bowser grumbled, he did not want to put his Peach in harm's way, but he wanted to get a quick start on finding his children before something bad happened to them. Anyone brazen enough to kidnap _his_ kids... Fatigue weighed upon his body. _Maybe she's right about starting tomorrow; I can't help my brats if I'm too tired to fight._

"Fine, I'll stay for tonight, but you're still not coming with me."

"But…"

"Don't push your luck, Princess."

In silence, Peach followed Bowser up the stairs as he showed her into her dark bedroom. After he left, Peach removed her damp garments and slipped into warm pajamas. She lit a candle and sneaked around the castle preparing a knapsack for tomorrow's journey. She would go whether he wanted her to or not.

Meanwhile, Bowser tossed in restless anxiety. _Who the hell would kidnap my kids…and why?_


	2. A Battle Royale on Emerald Island

**A/N: Well, I'm not quite done with Chapter 3, but here's Chapter 1 for you anyhow. School just started again, and this quarter is the big one that decides whether or not I'm going to get my dang internship or not, so things could be a wee bit stressful. Nonetheless, I will do my best to update both this and 100 reasons at a semi-reasonable pace. As always, thanks so much for reading and all the lovely reviews!

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On yet another hot, sunny day in the desert island of Sarasa Land, Mario, Luigi, and Daisy sat twiddling their thumbs, hopelessly bored.

"Oh Stars, I'm so bored," Daisy whined.

"Me too," agreed Luigi, shielding himself from the blistering sun.

Mario nodded in agreement. It was too hot to play sports, and they had missed the last plane to Muda by fifteen minutes, so they'd have to wait a whole two hours before they could even think about going to the beach.

"We could always swim in your pool, Daisy," suggested Luigi. Daisy groaned; the weather had been so unseasonably warm that she had gone swimming in her pool every day for the past week.

And so the trio sat, occasionally tossing out ideas just to have something to break the dragging silence of the morning. Suddenly, the three heroes' pockets began vibrating simultaneously. Daisy and Luigi whipped out their brand new shiny Mailbox DSis. Mario looked on in jealousy as he pulled out his well-worn Mailbox SP. _When did Luigi get a DSi?_

Luigi looked down at his older brother and noticed his envious stare. "Aw, c'mon, Daisy got it for me when she got hers."

"Yeah Mario, get with the program! It's called 'technology'. Look, the DSi is Internet-ready and has a little camera so you can post pictures to your SpaceShnook. See? Your dumb old SP can't do that, now can it?"

Mario shook his head and opened his "dumb old SP". After all, it was not his fault he did not have a super rich, technology-crazy girlfriend who would buy him the latest gadget before it hit shelves. At least he had the pride and dignity of knowing that he was nobody's kept man.

The three heroes gasped as they read the e-mail from Toadsworth.

_To whom it may concern:_

_Please help! Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped again! The culprit this time is none other than the foul and loathsome King Koopa. Please travel to Bowser's Castle and see our princess home safely._

_-Toadsworth_

"Oh my Stars! Peachy's been kidnapped again?"

Mario bent down to retie his shoes and nodded to his younger brother. _An invitation to go? _Luigi gave Mario a big grin and nodded in affirmation. Luigi always liked to travel on missions that were not particularly dangerous. On a boring day like today, this kind of adventure was just what the doctor had ordered.

"Hey, you guys better not think you're going without me!" Daisy asserted. "I'm ready to finally give that overgrown turtle a piece of my mind. Who does he think he is, bothering poor Peachy all the time?"

Luigi looked at Mario, silently asking for permission to allow Daisy to come along. Mario shrugged his shoulders and Daisy cheered. "Alright, now we're talking! Let's get down to the Darklands and kick some tail!"

* * *

Despite Bowser's previously declared intention of leaving before breakfast, his staff managed to convince him to stay for a quick but hearty meal of eggs, bacon, and fruit.

The two royals dined in tense silence until Peach drew her breath to once again plead her case. "You can't just leave me here, you know."

"I'm the king. I can do whatever I want, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I don't wanna hear any more lip about it."

"But…"

Bowser glared at her. She could be remarkably childish at times; she was almost as bad as one of the Koopalings. Once again thinking of his missing kids, Bowser swallowed the rest of his breakfast and stood to leave. He wanted to say something to Peach to end her pouting, if only to stop her from making that heartbreaking face at him. However, he knew there was nothing he could say, so he turned away in silence and walked out the door.

As soon as Peach could no longer hear Bowser's footsteps, she pursed her lips and excused herself from the table. She proclaimed, as sullenly as she could, that she was going to take a shower. As she entered her bedroom, she locked the door behind her and quickly shed her lengthy pink dress.

As she dug though her wardrobe, she was disappointed to discover that most of the clothes provided for her at the castle were obviously not intended to accommodate any activity more strenuous than a brief walk. Rows upon rows of bright pink dresses filled the wardrobe. Normally, this would have been perfectly fine, but she was trying to dress for speed and stealth.

At last, she settled for the most maneuverable dress she could find. It was far from ideal, but she could not let Bowser get too far ahead of her.

After turning on the faucet to the shower, she pinned her hair into a bun and put a bit of sunscreen on her face. She picked up her knapsack, which she had filled with bottled water, first aid supplies, and whatever food she could inconspicuously steal from the kitchen. She also grabbed a trusty parasol, performed a quick durability test, and then leaped out of her window, fluttering to safety. Once outside the castle, she quickly snuck to follow Bowser's trail.

Meanwhile, the Koopa King marched solo, muttering to himself. He had this nagging feeling, almost like he was forgetting something. By his map, it was about a quarter day's journey to Emerald Village, the closest village to his castle. Bowser figured that if any army of thousands had passed though, somebody should have witnessed it. He felt sure he could, with enough force and effort, coerce the villagers into giving him some information.

He couldn't believe he was missing his time with the princess for this. His mind raced with all the possibilities of the circumstance. _Maybe this is the Moron Brothers' sick attempt at revenge…no, that doesn't fit their M.O.; they're too stupid to be creative and too goodie goodie to get revenge. Maybe it's that Grodus freak…I swear, if he brings Wendy anywhere close to that Shadow Queen, I'll kill him. Unless he's already dead, which, I think he is. Dang, who the heck would steal my kids? _

About three quarters though his rather uneventful uphill journey, Bowser sat down under a tree to rest and plan his strategy.

When Bowser stopped, Peach silently thanked the Stars as she hid in a nearby bush. She took the opportunity to rest her feet and enjoy one of the little snacks she brought. As she bit into her crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich and gently massaged her own feet, she examined the bright green hillside. Little clusters of purple and white wildflowers stretched their necks toward the sunlight and swayed in the gusty breeze.

By now, the castle staff surely would have noticed she had gone missing. She hoped that no swift messenger might find Bowser before they came into town. Once in town, she knew her first goal was to find some means of contacting the Mario Brothers. After that, she planned to seek refuge in some villager's home or contact the authorities. She hoped by the time Bowser realized she was missing and came looking for her, the Mario Brothers would be on their way to rescue her. She quickly gathered her knapsack and stuffed the remainder of her sandwich in her dress pocket as Bowser began moving again; she wished he might have rested for just five more minutes.

The sun was reaching its peak when a little rural village appeared on the landscape. The cobblestone houses of the village had hay and grass roofs and a large stone wall surrounded the town. Upon approach, they could see the whole town appeared to be in an uproar! Bowser frowned and hurried on his way to observe the mayhem.

"'Ey! We 'ave another set o' invaders!" screamed the young village sentry. Bowser frowned and continued marching. It sounded like they had something to hide. He was not new to this whole "invading" business; he'd burn down the whole town if that were what it would take to find his kids. Those grass rooftops would make his job even easier.

Armed humanoid guards rushed from the town gates with spears and swords, ready to protect their home. Peach carefully snuck past, running from bush to bush, as Bowser prepared to fight. She slipped through the gate and witnessed a village terrorized by Chain Chomps. Villagers ran to and fro, trying to escape the wrath of the Chomps, who smashed wooden doors and burst through weaker walls with their enormous metallic weight.

Peach tried her best to stay out of the Chomps' lines of vision by sneaking between the houses and hiding behind water and grain barrels. Peach snuck about, looking frantically for a trustworthy building, such as a shop or an inn.

Unfortunately, she sooner found herself out in the open, in the chaotic main square. From her vantage point, she could see that some guards seemed to be attempting a feeble resistance and, more importantly, that there was almost nowhere in the main square to hide. She heard Bowser struggling to fight his way though the guards, pounding his thick shell on the city gates. _I can't let him see me. _Her eyes darted back and forth until they fell on a swiftly moving blue streak.

Ludwig von Koopa swiped yet another insolent Chain Chomp with his claw before leaping to dodge a blast of magic. On occasion, the blue-haired Koopaling had received anonymous threats of kidnapping, but he never expected anything to actually happen. Nevertheless, the Koopaling had defied his captor's expectations with his strength and cunning and was now on the run.

"'Ey! There's the witch! She's the one who started this whole mess! Get 'er!" cried a village sentry.

Peach looked around curiously to see who was orchestrating the attack, so she might flee in the opposite direction. She was unpleasantly surprised to find herself surrounded by menacing-looking guards.

"There must be some sort of misunderstanding…I'm not a witch!" she protested as the guards lowered their spears to her. They were interrupted as a large boom indicated that Bowser had found his way though the town gate.

"Alright you bastards, now you're all in for it! You've got information and I'm gonna get it!" he roared. Suddenly, his eyes widened as he saw the circle of guards surrounding the girl in pink.

"What the-- Peach? How did you get out of my castle! Get away from her, you idiots; she's mine!" Bowser came marching onto the scene, glaring angrily.

As he made his approach, he suddenly roared in pain; a tiny Chain Chomp had affixed itself to his tail. "Gah, get off of me, you stupid thing!"

A blast of magic knocked the guards and the princess over as another blond-haired woman in a pink dress floated into the commotion. "Oh, isn't this special? We have more playmates! The name's Mirabella, the Magical Mistress of Chomps. A pity, I have no time to play with you today. Alpha Chomps! Recapture the Koopa child; when you have him in custody you may join the others in using these foolish townspeople as chew toys!"

Mirabella gave the fallen Peach a patronizing smile. "Betas, you may begin with this ugly bitch; I don't like her style."

Peach opened her mouth in shock as Mirabella snapped her fingers and several Chain Chomps began circling her and the guards. She scrunched her eyes and brandished her parasol threateningly toward a particularly large Chomp. As the Chain Chomps advanced, she had no choice but to bring the parasol down hard over one of the black metal balls, splintering her feeble weapon without leaving a scratch on her ever-approaching aggressor.

Peach's eyes glazed over in fear; she now stood completely defenseless against the angered Chain Chomp. The Chomp growled, saliva oozing from its gaping maw and a look of pure malice on its face. Peach closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst, but suddenly felt a sharp lurch in her stomach and found herself over the arm of a running Koopa.

"Your Highness, father and I shall eradicate this vermin," Ludwig panted as he ran away from the Chomps. "I implore you to seek asylum until that time." He placed the princess gently by the door of a house with a grass-covered roof, bowed his head quickly, and then ran back into the foray.

Meanwhile, Bowser took a swipe at Mirabella and missed.

"Enough, you fool, give back the attractive one and I'll let you live. Don't you even care that your little girlfriend is going to die? You do know that, right? She's going to be smashed to bits by my Beta Chomps; you'll be lucky to get a lock of hair back."

Bowser reluctantly turned to the place where Peach had been standing, affording the witch enough time to send a blast of magic straight to Bowser's head; a direct hit sent the Koopa King flailing forward in pain.

"Father! It may alleviate your apprehension to know that I have secured the princess," called Ludwig.

Bowser picked himself up from the cobblestone street in a rage, ready to get revenge for the cheap shot. As father and son advanced on the offender, angry Chain Chomps in multiple colors gathered to lend their assistance to their mistress. Luckily, Bowser had plenty of experience with rogue Chain Chomps in his day. He grabbed a nearby chain, began whirling the attached Chomp over his head, and threw the dazed creature straight towards his mistress. Ludwig followed suit, and soon several Chomps were careening through the air smashing into each other and the pink witch.

The sounds of a fierce battle raged outside as Peach scrambled to find a pen and some paper inside the desolate house. The little stone cottage was filled with odd animal pelts and other strange artifacts that Peach was currently sweeping off the countertops and tables. At last she found the desired items and scribbled a quick note.

_Dear Mario,_

_I have been captured by Bowser and am being held at an unknown location in the west over the sea. There is a rustic town on this green, grassy island that is populated by human-like creatures with strange accents. The town appears to be under attack; please hurry._

_-Peach_

She folded the letter as neatly as she could, addressed it to Mario of the Mushroom Kingdom, and prayed that the Stars might allow someone to send her letter.

"Come back here and fight!" roared Bowser, calling after the fleeing witch and her Chomps. Ludwig panted heavily and offered his father a firm handshake in the way of congratulations.

"Ludwig, you okay?"

"Of course Father, I am…merely unaccustomed to this particular intensity of activity," he muttered, unwilling to admit to himself or anyone else that years of keeping to himself in his study had left him somewhat out of shape for his age.

"Where's Peach?"

"The interior of the grass-covered dwelling."

Peach carefully poked her head outside of the house, not wanting Bowser to come inside and discover the note she had written. The Koopa King glared at the princess. She had put all three of them in danger with her impudence and disobedience.

"They got rid of the witch! They're 'eros!" cried the town guard. As they lined up one by one to salute the Koopas, Bowser noticed the entire echelon of guards appeared to be comprised of extremely young men. A well-built, red-haired man, who could have been no older than Ludwig, approached and saluted. "I'm O'Stumps, lead commander o' this battalion. We be owin' yeh a big debt of gratitude fer yer services."

"Commander?" snorted Bowser, "You kids are a little too old to be playin' soldier. Where's your real army?"

O'Stumps looked down at his balled fists. He had assumed heroes were supposed to be decent people with proper manners, but apparently he was wrong. O'Stumps raised his head and looked Bowser in the eyes. "It be no jokin' matter. My brother was commander o' the old army. Several years ago, when we was just lads, they ended their games protectin' our 'ome."

"Oh, so I guess bad military leadership runs in the family."

"Father," warned Ludwig.

"'Ow dare yeh speak to my son like that!" called a voice from behind the house. An older red-haired woman, who could only be described as "burly", raced out with a frying pan raised in one hand. "We losta lotta good men in that battle, yeh great salamander."

"O'Mama, please be controllin' yerself; 'e might 'ave a point…"

"'E's got no point! Don't yeh folks 'ave any manners? Yer little Missy over 'ere nearly tore my 'ouse teh shreds."

Peach stood wide-eyed, hoping O'Mama would say no more. "I was scared. I was…looking for a weapon to…help," she slowly explained.

"Well why didncha say so? Yeh cannae expect tah fight with that wee umbrella," she said, gesturing to the splintered remains of the former parasol on the ground. "'Ere, take me fryin' pan; yeh can do some serious damage with that, believe me! The rest o' ye, settle in for a 'earty meal fit fer a 'ero! I won't be takin' 'no' fer an answer!"

"Mail call!" called Parakarry, suddenly floating down from the sky. "Did somebody say a big meal fit for a hero? Well I hardly consider myself a hero, but it surely is sweet of you to take notice of your hardworking postal Koopa! I'd love to stay and eat O'Mama, everyone knows your cooking is scrumptious, but I've got mail to deliver; a postman's job is never done! Do you have any letters for me?"

"Ah, wait just a moment yeh big-mouthed winged turtle. Yeah, I got summit fer yeh." O'Mama went inside and returned with a messy bundle of letters that also contained Peach's note. Peach looked on in nervous excitement as the Parakoopa ceremoniously stuffed the letters in his carrier with an ostentatious flourish.

"Excellent! Wind, sleet, snow, or hail; I'll deliver what you mail! Goodbye now!" The group watched as Parakarry flew off into the distance.

"Bah, I'd like tah make a stew outta 'is shell. 'E's always stickin' 'is beak where it don't belong, invitin' 'iself tah places 'e's got no business bein', and makin' stupid rhymes 'bout all the letters 'e loses," grunted O'Mama.

Meanwhile, Parakarry studied the addressees of the notes and began to fly toward the Mushroom Kingdom. Unfortunately, Parakarry's unique union contract prevented the Mushroom Kingdom's postal service from firing him, despite his routinely poor delivery performance. As usual, the Parakoopa failed to secure his mail sack and several letters, including Peach's, became dislodged from the pack and fluttered down into the ocean, never to be seen again.

That night at dinner, the young guards were eager to entertain the beautiful Princess Peach with songs, sonnets, and occasionally a crude story or two.

While Peach enjoyed herself, Bowser drummed his claw on the table, trying to press his eldest for information about the other Koopalings and formulate a plan. "So you say that woman isn't the one responsible for all of this?"

Ludwig ran his hands though his messy hair, apparently annoyed by the interrogation. "Yes Father, for the hundredth time, she appeared to be naught but a minion in a grander conspiracy."

"What did she want of you?"

Ludwig fiddled with his fork, seemingly embarrassed. "I cannot declare her motive for certain. She had requested that I…sing to her, and appeared acrimoniously disenchanted when I informed her that my musical prowess is limited to non-vocal instruments."

Bowser rubbed his claws over his head and through his hair. Ludwig's report made no sense to him, and watching the town guard flirt and make subtle advances on his precious princess was getting quite intolerable.

"Where are the rest of your brothers and sisters?"

"When I was abducted, I overheard a command to 'take that one to Opal Island'. Other than that, I do not know."

Bowser grunted in response.

Ludwig glanced over to Peach, who was now clapping along to a jaunty song and completely ignoring the two Koopas. "Father, I too am vexed by the disappearance of my siblings; however, you should try to relax and enjoy yourself when such a time is viable."

"Ludwig, I want you to take Peach back to the castle and hold her there until I find the rest of the Koopalings."

"But Father, I must stalwartly recommend you take the princess along with you."

"You saw what happened today; it'd be putting her and everybody else in danger. I can't risk being distracted always trying to make sure that she's okay and that she hasn't run off while my back's turned."

"She was self-sufficient in your preceding expeditions, was she not? I believe she possesses various capabilities that possibly will prove valuable to your journey. Father, you and I both indubitably realize that Princess Peach has somehow contacted the Mario Brothers; otherwise she would not be so acquiescent at this time. Please do not consider me a coward when I state that I do not believe the citadel can currently endure an attack. Should the Mario Brothers lay siege upon us, it is probable you will lose Princess Peach prior to your homecoming. I am obliged to wholeheartedly encourage you to utilize this expedition to construct your spot in the Princess' heart as both a hero and a dependable, family-oriented king."

Bowser growled quietly; he knew Ludwig was right, but he was not ready to admit it. "You talk too much, Ludo. You better watch it, or you'll end up like Morton." When Bowser thought of Morton, he shuddered. What kind of idiot would be so perverse to punish his or herself by kidnapping Morton? In fact, why would anyone want to kidnap _any_ of his kids?

"Well, it's getting' late," remarked O'Mama. "I suppose yeh oughtta stay here fer the evenin'; would hate tah turn yeh out into the cold. Peach ken stay in my cottage t'night with me an' O'Stumps. The turtles'll have to make themselves comfortable in the barracks; they're just too big tah stay in a wee room."

"Thank you very much, O'Mama," Peach replied graciously.

O'Stumps looked positively thrilled at the prospect of having Peach stay at his cottage. "I—I 'ave sentry duty t'night, as yeh know…" He gazed directly into Peach's eyes. "I will make sure no man or beast'll walk through those town gates. I'll protect yeh, m'lady; yeh have my solemn word."

Peach blushed and thanked the awkward commander as she helped O'Mama clear the table. Bowser rolled his eyes and stomped off to the barracks with his son. It seemed he would have to perform a little night sentry of his own to keep the naïve O'Stumps away from his princess.

Peach tossed and rolled in her bed. She usually had trouble sleeping in unfamiliar locations, and tonight was no different. She waited until she could hear O'Mama's soft snores coming from the other room, and quietly slipped out of the cottage, wrapped in a thick blanket. The night air was cold, but refreshing as it nipped her cheeks. From her position on top of the hill, she would be able to see all the way down to the ocean where they landed two days ago if she climbed to the top of the town gate. She was sure O'Stumps would not mind letting her have a look around; while she was at it, she could look for more landmarks as clues to her whereabouts.

Suddenly, she heard a whining sound from low to the ground. She glanced and saw the tiny Chain Chomp that had bitten Bowser's tail earlier that day. Though it was no bigger than a bowling ball, Peach was frightened of the creature and slowly backed away, anticipating attack. Instead, the little Chomp just whined sadly.

"It is most observably famished," remarked Ludwig, who was up late, used to burning the midnight oil. Peach jumped, unaware that she was not alone in the evening.

The little Chomp edged closer to the princess; though he could smell that Peach was not his mistress, he was conditioned to expect food from blond-haired, pink-dressed persons and figured it was worth a try. He sniffed the air and looked at Peach pleadingly.

"Oh," said Peach. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her mostly-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "You want this?"

She carefully held the sandwich out and the little Chomp carefully nabbed the food from her hands and ate gleefully. "Oh look, he likes it!" she squealed happily.

"What's with all the noise out here?" grunted Bowser, sleepily emerging from the barracks. He was surprised to find Peach standing in he night air. She looked particular beautiful in the competing glows of the city's torches and the silvery moonlight. He walked towards the princess and the little Chomp barked protectively. Bowser sneered in disgust, "Ugh, it's you. Get out of here you little runt!"

The Chain Chomp ignored Bowser and continued to growl protectively as O'Stumps came by to investigate the commotion. "M'lady! What're yeh doin' out so late?"

"Hey O'Stupid, it's none of your business. Why don't you go back to 'yer' post?"

The commander eyed Bowser suspiciously and continued, "'Tis improper fer a lady of yer noble linage to be in the company o'…men at such an hour. Please, see yerself back inside; O'Mama would 'ave a fit if she knew yeh were out 'ere."

Peach nodded her head and turned to go back inside. She figured it would be no use arguing against the unintentionally misogynistic point. In any case, she really did not want to spend any time alone with Bower and his son. She noticed that little Chomp was following her.

"Oh, I'm sorry little guy, I don't have any more food." The Chomp merely continued to follow her in response. "No, you silly little thing, I have to go inside now; you have to go home." The little Chomp whined in protest.

Peach opened the door to the cottage and placed the door in such a position that the little Chain Chomp could not follow her inside. "Goodnight little one."


	3. Surf's Up on Opal Island

**A/N: Woo, finally another chance to update. To make a little confession here, I'm not entirely done with the next chapter, but I know how it ought to go. Opal Island is based on a very stereotypical portrayal of a certain country (as, honestly, was Emerald. And probably the rest of the islands.). I apologize in advance to anyone who happens to live in those places.

* * *

**

Ludwig sat, drumming his fingers on the table on a cloudy day in Emerald castle. He had arrived safely to the castle without interruption or detour and had immediately ordered guards to surround the castle as sentry. If anybody, friend or foe, were to come within a mile of the fortress, Ludwig would be the first to know.

After a fine lunch prepared by a few experienced Goomba chefs, the eldest Koopaling eventually grew bored and restless. The castle contained very little in the way of entertainment, especially considering the lines of communication were down. He could try to perform repairs; however, that would be an unlikely achievement without materials to aid him.

He ordered a group of servants to travel to Emerald Village and see what they might find in the way of food and supplies. After they were gone, Ludwig rubbed his temples. _So this is the daily experience of my father. Surrounded by subordinates, nevertheless utterly solitary. After completing his compulsions, what inconsequential pursuit remains? Conceivably, this is what impels him to superfluous divergence with other nations. Sheer lonely tedium: the root cause of all strife and discord in the world._

And with that thought, Ludwig picked up a pen and some paper and began composing music, honoring the quietly powerful spirit known as boredom.

* * *

The large, imposing silhouette of the Darklandian castle stood before the three would-be heroes: Mario, Luigi, and Daisy. The castle seemed remarkably quiet, considerably more so than when Mario usually arrived. Mario scratched his chin in contemplation.

Daisy cracked her knuckles, causing Luigi to wince; he hated when she did that; it sounded so disgusting. The princess in yellow had never before been to Bowser's actual castle; the closest she had ever been was his castle-themed golf courses and racetracks. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get in there and kick some spiky butt!"

The trio approached the giant doors fearlessly and was met by a pair of Koopatrols. "Sorry folks, were not conducting tours today…wait a minute, you're the Mario Brothers, aren't you? Sound the alarms!"

A loud ringing issued from the castle. Mario quickly brought his hammer down upon one of the Koopatrols while Daisy and Luigi attacked the other. They quickly entered the castle and ran as fast as they could, following Mario into the throne room. As they ran through countless twisted corridors and up several identical flights of stairs, Luigi began to get dizzy. _Wow, Mario sure seems to know this place like the back of his hand; just how many times has he saved the princess from this castle? _

As they entered the throne room, they were surprised to find the room empty aside from a few Koopas playing cards. Startled, the Koopas stood up to face the intruders.

"Where's Peachy?" cried Daisy.

"Uh, we're sorry but, uh, the princess is in another castle."

The jaded plumbers, used to this sort of response, shrugged, shook their heads, and turned to leave. Daisy narrowed her eyes, "No, that's ridiculous. You can't just say that Peachy is somewhere else and give us no clue as to where she might be. Where are you guys going?"

Luigi gently held Daisy's arm, "Daisy, it's not like you can just expect them to betray their king's location. C'mon, this means we have to go find a clue somewhere else."

"What? Are you nuts?" Daisy removed her gloves and pushed up her sleeves, "They _will _tell us where Bowser has taken Peachy or they will suffer the consequences!"

Daisy grabbed the hammer out of Mario's gloved hand and advanced on the Koopas, who were now cowering in fear. Mario shook his head; Daisy was obviously not familiar with the standard practices of heroism. After all, what kind of hero tortures the enemy for information?

As Daisy lifted the hammer in preparation to strike, the throne room doors burst open and Parakarry cheerfully sang, "Mail call!"

"Parakarry?" asked Luigi incredulously, "What are you doing in a place like this?"

Parakarry looked annoyed with the question and huffed, "Well, the postal service is an international service, as you know. I can't really pick and choose where I go and who receives service, now can I?"

"Well…I guess not…"

"I was originally here to pick up mail, but now that I see that you're here, Mario, I can give you this letter."

Mario waited expectantly as Parakarry dug though his bag. Right on time, as usual, he would receive communication from Princess Peach or some other source, so he always knew where to continue his adventure.

"Ah, well, I seem to have lost it. Nothing to do about it now, I suppose. Either way, the letter came from a woman on Emerald Island; this little green grassy island to the west of here. I could have sworn I saw Bowser and Princess Peach, but it may have just been somebody who looked like them. Well, anyway, I'm off."

With that, Parakarry flew off, completely forgetting to collect the letters from the Darklandian castle.

"Hey, our mail!" yelled the Koopas, running out to catch the spacey Parakoopa. "Come back here!"

Daisy bit back a scathing remark about Parakarry being the worst postal delivery Koopa in the history of the service as Mario gracefully resumed possession of his hammer.

"See?" said Luigi. "Now we know where to go!"

"Alright fine, let's get back to my castle and we can book a plane down to this Emerald Island place. I don't wanna make poor Peachy wait."

* * *

"There be a ferry goin' to yer Opal Island 'bout two hours from 'ere," explained O'Mama. "I'll be havin' O'Stumps escort yeh down to the port."

"We don't need any mama's boy as an escort, I've got all the muscle I need right here."

"I must insist!" cried O'Stumps. "I made a vow tah m'lady; I'll protect 'er so long as she's on this island!"

"Listen you…"

"Bowser, enough," Peach said casually. After breakfast, O'Mama had washed Peach's pink dress and, in the meantime, found a fresh dress for Peach made of white cotton and a pretty tartan wrap. She looked just like a "proper Emerald lass", according to O'Mama. "I would be glad to accept O'Stumps' assistance back to the castle. That way, you may resume looking for your children without detour."

"My Stars! Yer lookin' lovely today Miss Peach!" exclaimed O'Stumps.

"Change of plans, Princess. You're comin' along with me; Ludwig already went back to the castle."

"But I thought…"

"Well I guess you thought wrong. You're already here, I might as well have you help me."

After a bit more discussion, Peach, Boswer, and O'Stumps were on their way towards the ferry station on the other side of the island. The trio traveled together in relative silence; Peach claimed that she was tired in order to utilize her journey time to reflect upon how she might alert the Marios to her new whereabouts. At last, they reached the ferry station.

"Well, m'lady, this is where I be leavin' yeh. I only regret I won't be able to protect yeh fer the rest of yer journey, but I 'ave my duty at 'ome. When this is all over, I 'ope you'll come back tah Emerald. Until then…until then, when I swing my sword I—I'll swing it fer you!" cried O'Stumps, feeling suddenly emotional.

"Listen, I'm sure you think it's sweet and all but, you should probably keep all that stuff about swingin' your sword to yourself, if you know what I mean," Bowser retorted.

O'Stumps thought about what Bowser said as the Koopa King turned to pay the toll; he was not sure if he knew what Bowser meant. Suddenly, realization dawned upon him and his face turned a deep scarlet. "I—I didn't mean…I mean I…"

Bowser began chortling at the flustered young man, irking the latter's anger. "Good luck to yeh on yer journey," he said darkly. "M'lady, my statement, with its original intentions, still stands."

The royal couple boarded the ferry as a dejected O'Stumps walked back to town.

"You didn't have to do that to that poor boy, you know?" Peach huffed.

"Oh what, don't tell me you feel sorry for that weirdo. He wants to 'swing his sword for you'. Is that what you've been looking for in a man? If so, I cou—"

"No," Peach interrupted, not wanting to hear any more of what the Koopa King was about to say. "Just no, okay? I'm tired, I'm going to go up on the upper deck to see the views and get some fresh air. I'd appreciate a little space."

Bowser waited for the princess to take approximately five steps before he began following her up the stairs.

"Bowser! I said I wanted space! That means I want to be alone."

"I gave you space! I can't leave you alone, I have to make sure you're not gonna jump off the boat!"

Peach put her hands on her hips. "I won't."

"Promise me?"

Peach sighed; she had never intended to jump off the boat in the first place and had no idea why Bowser was making such a big deal about it. It would be incredibly dangerous to jump so close to the large propellers on the ferry. "Yes, I Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom give my solemn word to you, King Bowser of the Darklands, that I will not jump off this ferry. Will you please leave me alone now?"

Peach marched up the stairs and, satisfied the Koopa King had not followed her, sat down on a bench to breathe the salty sea air. She had to admit, it was a beautiful day, and being on a peaceful boat ride with the wind and sun caressing her cheeks was actually a lot more fun than the meeting at the castle that Toadsworth had originally planned for today.

To her right, she heard some rustling under a tarp. When Peach leaned forward to investigate, out popped the tiny Chomp. Peach gasped; she wasn't sure if it was her imagination or not, but the Chain Chomp seemed a little bigger than before.

"What are you doing here?" she asked incredulously. The little Chomp barked happily in response.

"We have to get you back home!"

The Chomp shook his head and whined as a female ferry attendant approached from behind. "Ah, 'scuse me, Miss. I've got orders from a gentleman on the boat to give yeh some vittles fer yer lunch." She placed a tray with a bowl of heavy vegetable stew, a large piece of fresh homemade bread, and some pure mountain spring water.

"Thank you very much," Peach replied. The delicious fragrance of the soup and bread caught the attention of the little Chain Chomp and also made Peach's stomach growl.

"I'm sorry, is that yer pet? If so, 'e's got tah be on a leash, Sorry Miss, rules be rules. 'e's a cute one though!"

The Chain Chomp snuggled up next to Peach and placed his chain on her lap and the attendant walked away.

"My…pet?" Peach had never had a pet before because Toadsworth was allergic to most furs and dander. The Chomp nodded happily and looked at her soup. "No, no, I'm sorry, you can't be my pet, I'm on a very important mission, and I'm trying to go home. That's what you should do too. Do you know where your home is?"

The little Chomp shook its head. Peach noticed a little tag on the Chomp's chain. It read 'Chompy'. "Oh, so your name is Chompy?" she asked, flicking a large cooked carrot to him. "Don't worry Chompy, I'll help you find your home."

Chompy barked happily, chomped his delicious carrot as well as some warm bread, and snuggled in under Peach's tartan wrap.

Soon, the ferry landed on the shores of Opal Island. Bowser knit his eyebrows together to help block out the harsh sun on the beach as he tried to decide where to go. He noticed Chompy following Peach as she disembarked the vessel.

"Peach! Look out!" he cried, moving to push her out of the way of the Chomp.

Chompy barked hysterically as Bowser stood between him and Peach with a threatening look on his face.

"Bowser!" cried Peach, "it's okay, he's a friend!" Peach moved over to comfort the panicked creature. "I found him stowing away on the ship; he didn't have anyone to take care of him."

"Peach, I'm sure this dumb thing can take care of itself. Let's get moving."

Chompy growled at Bowser and moved closer to Peach protectively. "Chompy, go explore. Maybe your owner came to this island. I'm sorry I can't play right now." As the little Chomp begrudgingly left, Peach gestured to some brightly colored tents on the beach further down the shore. "Hey, it looks like there's something going on over there. I'm going to go check it out."

Bowser shook his head as Peach walked away from him. This was exactly what he was afraid of; she was not asking his permission or trying to help him find his kids, she was merely wasting his time with her little curious detours. It was like she had entirely forgotten that she was his prisoner!

Peach approached the tents and found many humanoids under the tents. Everybody looked jovial as they swayed to the loud rock music and enjoyed various brews. Peach's eyes widened in wonder; she had never seen so many people who, frankly, looked exactly like her. It seemed like everyone on this island had thick, shaggy golden locks as well as deep blue eyes.

"G'day!" shouted a mid-sized man, pushing his long surf hair out of his eyes. "You just get back from holiday?"

Peach jumped with a start when she realized the man was addressing her. "Um, not exactly. Would you be so kind as to tell me what is happening here?"

The man opened his mouth in surprise, "Well I'll be stuffed! You don't live within a cooee of here, do you? I mean you'd have to be livin' under a rock to not know about the Opal Annual Surf Competition! It'll be goin' off right here in a tick when all the surfies get ready to compete for a trophy and some moolah. I'm Ethan, by the way, good to meet you!"

Bowser, who very much disliked walking in sand, finally caught up with Peach and folded his arms, giving the Opalian a nasty look.

"And just what are you supposed to be? It ain't Halloween, Mate!"

"Listen you half-wit, you'd do well to remember what I look like. I'm looking for my kids, you know, they look just like me, so if you know where they are, you'd better tell me right now."

"No worries there; I ain't seen anyone, but hold on a tick." The man motioned to his friend, "'Ey, Joel, this yabbo here's lookin' for some good oil on his ankle biter who's gone walkabout. You seen anything?"

Bowser pressed his palm to his face, rubbing both temples with his claw. _Why can't any of these island people speak a proper language?_ Though he had only been on the island for fifteen minutes at maximum, Bowser already could not wait to leave.

"Actually, yeah, I heard Mick had some kooky visitors with a weird lookin' kid at his place."

Bowser's nostrils flared, "Where's this guy's house? I'll tear the thing down!"

"Woah, take it easy, Mate! We don't even know if it's your kid. The easiest thing to do would be to ask Mick about it."

"Well, where is this idiot?"

Joel grunted, "It ain't that easy. Mick's the surfin' champion! He's also a bloody figjam who's got tickets to himself. He won't talk to anyone but his 'elite surfie' mates."

"He'll talk if I make him talk. Tell me which one he is!"

Ethan cleared his throat nervously, "Listen, Mate, we'd love to help you, but we don't want to be part of no trouble around here. Now, I've got to be goin'; I wanna get a good pozzy to watch the competition!"

"Hold on a minute!" Peach protested. She was worried Bowser might make an unpleasant scene if he had no hope of getting his way. "Please, there must be some way we can speak with him!"

"I already told you, he'll only talk to surfies; he says they have the 'right kind of energy'. If you two didn't look like such shark biscuits, I'd tell you to join the surf competition before it's too late."

Peach thought for a moment. If this competition was as important as Ethan said it was, perhaps it might be televised. If Mario were to see the telecast, then he would know where to find her.

"We'll do it!" Peach asserted, earning a stunned look from Bowser. "I mean I've surfed before. It's not like we have to win, we just have to show Mick that we are capable surfers, right?"

"Dunno, but if you're serious about this, you're gonna need a board and some bathers right quick."

"Do you have any that you could loan us?"

"Yeah, no worries, I run the surf shop here in town. I'll go ahead and give you the mate's discount; I don't mind sponsorin' an up-and-comer!"

* * *

Within minutes, Peach had shed her highland tartan for a lovely pink halter bikini with a rash guard over the top. She delicately applied sunscreen to any exposed areas. She was not sure whether or not the Koopa King required sunscreen for his scaly skin, and she did not feel like asking, so she merely placed the bottle of sunscreen near him.

However, Bowser did not fit into any of the swimsuits and thus declared that he would rather pound the champion into the ground than make a fool of himself attempting to surf. He gazed at Peach's graceful, long legs as she received some last minute coaching from Ethan and Joel. Perhaps he had misjudged her intentions; she was so willing to join the competition to help him find his kids. Still, he did not understand why all of this was necessary when he could just threaten the surfing champion directly. In either case, Peach seemed dead set on "doing it the right way", as she said, and Bowser was too enamored of her bikini clad figure to think of a clear reason why she should not give it a try.

Meanwhile, Chompy was perfectly delighted to busy himself seeking attention and treats from the various citizens of Opal, who were more than happy to toss him little bits of sausage and fruit from their plates.

Peach took a deep breath as she got in line after signing up for the competition. Her stomach felt like it was twisting itself into knots at the prospect of performing in front of all of these surf enthusiasts. She was certain she would embarrass herself; however, she knew that she would only be more likely to be televised if she made a serious mistake.

She gulped and ground her toes into the sand as she watched several competitors tackle the large waves, jumping and doing fantastic tricks. Peach was merely happy she understood how to make the board turn; she knew there was no way she'd be pulling any impressive feats.

At last, it was Peach's turn. She stepped into the warm ocean waters and paddled out to where the monstrous waves were forming. Peach suddenly found herself quite intimidated. The waves had not looked quite so big from the shore. Finally, she slid herself back on the board and prepared to catch the wave.

The wave came swiftly and Peach's board skimmed across the water as she popped up. She was going much faster than she wanted, and her knees were shaking uncontrollably. Too late, she noticed something round and black in the water headed straight toward her.

"Chompy!" Peach screamed. It seemed that her new friend wanted to play with her. Peach leaned her body weight to turn sharply and avoid hitting Chompy straight on, though collision was inevitable. Miraculously, she managed to stay on the board after her sharp turn and graze with Chompy. Unfortunately, Chompy's chain had become caught on the fin of the surfboard; thus, the board seemed to take on a life of its own, unceremoniously jerking in various directions as the injured Chomp attempted to free himself.

Peach did her best to maintain her balance, but also feeling a constant concern for Chompy. The latter whined frantically and jerked once more, knocking Peach off balance. She landed, stomach side down, on her board with a painful slap. Soon after, the great, roaring wave crashed over the board, violently knocking Peach and Chompy into the water. Water washed over them and around them, swirling them breathlessly toward the shore in a flurry of water and vicious sand. Regaining her composure as quickly as was reasonably possible, Peach rushed to drag the Chomp out of the water by his chain so that she might look for damages. She did not see what happened with the rest of the competition.

Back on the shore, Peach noticed Chompy had a bit of a scratch on the surface of his "forehead" from the collision with the surfboard. Not knowing what else to do, she picked the first aid kit out of her knapsack and bandaged the Chomp. While bandaging him, she saw she had also sustained some scratches on her own hand. Bowser ran over to assess the situation.

"Peach! Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you. I just have a few scratches."

Bowser growled at Chompy, the indirect cause of Peach's wounds. "I told you that thing was bad news; look at all the trouble he made! He's not coming with us anymore! If he tries it, I'll chain him to a post!"

Chompy whined in protest and shame. He did not mean to hurt Peach or ruin her fun; he only wanted to be with her while he thought she was playing in the water.

"Bowser," Peach started, "I'm sure he didn't mean any harm. He was a very bad boy and should have stayed on the shore, but nobody was seriously hurt, and that's what matters."

"G'day!" called one of the other competitors. "You alright there? That was a right nasty wipeout."

"She's fine!" Bowser growled. He loathed the sound of these people's voices and wished they would all just go away.

"Say, is that Chomp a pet of yours?"

"Not exactly…well, this is Chompy. I apologize for his behavior during the competition; I think he just doesn't know any better."

"No worries! I was just wondering because I'm a member of a Chain Chomp preservation group and I think what you're doin' with that Chomp is just spiffy!" He extended his hand to Peach, "The name's Mick; it's great to meet you!"

Bowser's eyes widened, "Mick? Then you must be that surfing champion. Listen, you're gonna tell me everything you know about those visitors who came to your house, the ones who brought kid who looks like me."

Mick backed away nervously and Peach quickly attempted to explain. "Please, we don't intend to be so forward," she started, glancing sharply at Bowser, "but his children are missing and we heard they may be being held hostage at your house. That's the whole reason we joined the surfing competition: to get a chance to talk to you."

"Now wait just a tick, that doesn't make any sense. Why would you enter a surf contest if you wanted to talk?"

"We…had information that you would only speak with elite surfers."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Do you believe every furphy that comes your way? That's got to be Joel, that whacker. He's got a bit of tall poppy syndrome; he can't stand anybody who's more successful than himself. But you know, I had to stop inviting him to my parties because he'd drink all my grog and get off his face, and then start spewing, literally and metaphorically. That's why he cooks up these pork pies about why I won't talk to him."

Bowser scrunched his eyes shut tightly. All he could hear in his head was the annoying twang of the voices and the stupid, nonsensical slang everyone used. He could not stand it anymore.

"Listen, you idiot, I don't care about your personal problems! I want information about my kids, and I want it now; the less time it takes you to tell me the better."

"Alright, alright, no drama. I'll give you the drum, but we better meet in private…"

Bowser balled up his fists, at the end of his rope with the incomprehensible language. How could people speak in such a way that he understood all the words, but none of them were said when they ought to be?

"No, that's _it!_ I'm gonna be frank; I hate you and I hate your stupid voice and your stupid…Ebonics. You—Surfer Jerk, you're going to tell Peach all about it in that annoying hick voice of yours. Then, when she finally deciphers what you actually meant to say, she's going to repeat it to me in with her beautiful voice using _regular language_."

Peach shrugged as Bowser stomped away; she walked with Mick as he explained everything. "It was bloody terrible! They came into my home a few days ago and bailed me up. They told me how I was gonna let them stay or else they'd break my legs! It was three days before the surf competition; I couldn't let them ruin me. I've been practicing all year!"

"I understand; it's not your fault Mick."

"Well, I'm gonna make it right. The competition is over and I can't let these deros mess with somebody's kid. Call that big bloke back over here and I'll show you to my house."

* * *

Soon after Peach had changed back into her pink dress, they were all headed down a dry and dusty road under the strict caveat that Mick was not to speak another word in Bowser's presence.

At last, they reached the luxurious, sprawling ranch-style house. It was made of wood and stone, and had a beautiful red clay tile roof and huge, gorgeous windows.

"Hmph, nice digs. Surprised you hicks could scrounge up the cash for this," Bowser scoffed.

"Around here," explained Mick, "There's big bikkies in surfin'!"

Bowser growled in frustration, "Idiot! That was a rhetorical statement! I told you I didn't want to hear your voice ever again, and I meant it. Don't make me repeat myself."

Mick sealed his lips and approached the grand house. He fiddled with a few keys and entered with Peach and Bowser following closely behind. Mick mouthed, "They're in the basement underground!"

The house was just as rustically beautiful from the inside as Mick led them to a small door with steps leading underground. Peach closed her hand over the handle of O'Mama's iron frying pan as they descended the creaky wooden stairs into the darkened underground chamber. Bowser braced himself for battle and instructed Mick to stay above ground and guard the stairwell, in case the villains tried to escape.

As they slowly crept down the stairs, a loud voice boomed, "Who go there?"

Bowser jumped down the rest of the stairs and released a frightening roar that echoed off the stony walls of the crowded basement. "Who goes there? The awesome stud that's gonna kick your butt! You messed with the wrong Koopa King today, pal. I'm pretty sure you've got something that belongs to me!"

Peach gasped in shock as she saw Morton, Bowser's third youngest and largest child, strapped to an odd-looking machine. The perpetrator looked to be a giant Cleft, a rock-hard enemy with menacing spikes protruding from his scalp.

"King Dad! Mama Peach!" cried Morton, "Stupid Rock Butt put me on this machine when I wasn't looking and I…I almost got out by myself but…now that you're here…could you maybe help?"

"No, you no take fat Koopa kid. Masters would be most displeased!"

"Masters? You moron, I am 'most displeased'! You better start telling me everything you know about my kids and these masters if you ever wanna see the light of day again. Who's leading you and why did they take my kids?"

The Cleft opened his mouth in a deep, dry laughter. "I not tell you nothing; you think King Cleft an amateur?"

Summarily, the large Cleft began to charge Bowser, who quickly leaped out of the way. Peach lifted her heavy frying pan and struck the rock creature with a mighty blow. However, the recoil from the hit reverberated in Peach's wrists and forearms and she scrunched her face in pain, dropping the heavy pan to the floor.

Meanwhile, Bowser was learning that fire was not terribly effective on the rock. King Cleft once against charged forward with his head lowered, deadly spikes aimed right for the Koopa King's relatively soft underbelly. Bowser moved out of the way and the Cleft got his head spike stuck in the wall. Bowser knew this was his chance. He glanced around the room looking for something with which to destroy the villain. He spotted a case of leftover grog and illegal fireworks from Mick's last party and thought of an idea.

"Peach!" he yelled, "Get Morton out of here now! I'll handle this guy!"

Peach nodded in compliance and worked quickly to unstrap the hefty Koopaling from the machine. The pain in her arms was searing, but at last she managed to unfasten him. "Thanks Mama Peach; is King Dad gonna kill that rock so hard it'll be dead?"

The princess ignored the Koopaling's nonsensical question and grabbed his arm, leading him up the stairs. They passed Mick, who had an air of admiration in his eyes.

"You should get out of here," Peach warned. "I think something big is about to happen." The trio ran out the door as quickly as they could and watched the house in terrified suspense.

In the basement, Bowser smirked with a gleam in his eye as he watched the Cleft struggle to free himself from the wall. "Time to say goodnight, Clefty!" He inhaled deeply, and then blew a solid stream of fire on the flammable materials. Bowser bunkered down in his shell leaving King Cleft to take the full brunt of the massive explosion.

Outside, Mick put his hands on top of his head as he watched his beautiful house go up in explosive flames. "And that'd be right, of course it had to be my house."

Peach held her partially repaired parasol over Morton, Mick, and herself as several small Clefts came raining down with the debris. The monsters hit the ground running as Bowser marched forward to reunite the party.

Peach massaged her tender, swollen wrists as the Koopas talked.

"You alright, Morty? Anybody hurt?"

"No," replied Morton, "I'm fine. That stupid, no good, loser King Cleft was so stupid he couldn't even figure out how to use the evil power sucker machine."

"Power sucker machine?" Bowser repeated.

"I dunno, that's what Rocky McRockface called it, but I wasn't scared. I knew when I got free I could beat his butt up with one claw behind my back. I could just breathe on him wrong and he'd probably be so scared he'd die until he was dead. But…I dunno about everyone else; big crybabies like Larry and Junior might get hurt, 'cause they're not as tough as me."

"Do you know where they are?"

"Uhhh, um," he started, as if he were trying very hard to remember something.

Bowser leaned forward in intense interest. "C'mon Runt, we don't have all day! Spit it out!"

"I think maybe a stupid bad guy would take them to a place with lots of towers and rocks; at least, that's where The Evil Hammah took Koopie Koops in my SupahKoopah comic book…"

Bowser's eager face fell into a scowl. He should have known Morton would pretend to know something just to sustain his father's undivided attention. Though the Koopaling's body was growing larger, his young mind remained as childish as ever.

"Peach! You were just bloomin' spiffy down there!" exclaimed Mick, seemingly recovered from the shock of losing his house. He took her aside while Bowser was busy speaking with his son. "Listen, I don't know how…committed you are to that cranky bloke—"

"Oh!" Peach interrupted, "it's not like that, he's just…an acquaintance." She had no idea why she didn't just tell the surfing champion that she was being held against her will.

"Ace! Well then, I'd like to extend an invite to fly with me to my summer home in Topaz while my house is bein' repaired. But, ah, just you, if you get what I'm sayin'. What do you say?"

"Oh, um…" Peach stuttered. She really had no idea who this man was; however, she happened to know for a fact that her current escort was a known villain. _But it's better the devil you know than the devil you don't._

Peach was about to decline when Mick continued, "Topaz is a great big kingdom with lots of sights to see; bit of a historical place, really. There's tons of museums and great food. They're also opening up a warp pipe to this place beyond the Black Stump called the Mushroom Kingdom; I guess we could take a look around there too if you wanted."

Peach's eyes widened. _A way back to the Mushroom Kingdom! _She smiled politely and told the surf champion quietly that she would love to go, but that she would have to be the one to tell Bowser, as it would be most unwise to further aggravate the Koopa.

In reality, of course, Peach would tell Bowser no such thing. She walked slowly over to the two Koopas and smiled demurely.

"Those puny dumb butts broke our communication and the Clown Car is broken too? But Daaad, I'm gonna miss my super awesome super shows! "

Bowser grunted; he could not believe Morton would whine about his shows at a time like this. It seemed no amount of trials would ever change his Koopaling's selfish ways.

"I guess I should get back to the castle super fast so I can help Ludwig smash any stupid dumb intruders who think they can intrude on our castle!"

"I dunno, it doesn't sound very smart to have you all go back to the same place that you were just taken from."

"It'll be okay, King Dad; those cowardly cowards just caught us when we weren't expecting it. Next time, they won't be so lucky; I'll pound them into the ground and crush them into little tiny bits that are so tiny they'll be invisible and then I'll put the invisible bits in the fire! Ludo needs my help to defend the castle, and I don't have anywhere else to go. I know how to go back; you take the little ugly boat and then go through that town of annoying nobodies and then back to the castle. I'm tougher than tough, I'll be okay."

Bowser shook his head; there really was no other alternative. "Fine, but be careful getting back. I don't want to have to come looking for you again."

"Don't worry about me King Dad, I'll show any bad guy who's the bossiest boss of all the bosses!" Morton chirped. Bowser gave him a few coins for the ferry and sent him on his way, hoping he would not pick any fights and would make it back to the castle before dark. "Bye King Dad; bye Mama Peach!"

Peach waved goodbye to the Koopaling before turning to Bowser, who looked concerned. From what she understood, Mick had a few after parties to attend but wanted to leave for Topaz late that night. "Mick has generously offered to find accommodations for the evening while we gather more information about where to go next. In the meantime, he has advised us to enjoy the sights of Downtown Opal."

Bowser grunted in response. He'd rather get moving on his next target than waste any more time with the annoying people of Opal. However, it was true he had no idea where his other Koopalings might be.

As the sun began to set, Mick kindly called a taxi to take the trio the brightly lit streets of Downtown Opal.

Peach's eyes widened at the glamorous city lights and tall buildings. Who knew that an island nation would have such a vibrant and sophisticated downtown area? She made a quick mental note of the location of the airport where she would meet the surfing champion in a few hours.

Exiting the taxi, Bowser was pleased to hear that many of these downtown Opals spoke a much milder dialect. However, his massive form elicited stares and points from the locals, which was annoying, to say the least. Bowser found it odd that all of the natives looked like they might have come off the same branch of Peach's family tree, although he was certain that none were was attractive as her. Nevertheless, he had to keep a close distance behind her to ensure that he did not lose her in a sea of blond heads.

"Oh look!" cried Peach pointing at a particularly well-lit, large department store, "I could get a souvenir! Listen, I know this really isn't the time for this and all but…since we have nothing else to do…would you mind?"

Bowser grumbled affirmatively. In the end, making Peach smile was one of his top priorities and if shopping were the way to do it, he'd drain every last coin in his treasury to keep those beautiful lips curved upwards.

Peach walked quickly though the upscale store. She waltzed though displays of designer couture, occasionally stopping to pick something up and examine it. Occasionally, in an effort to reduce the awkward silence, she would even ask Bowser what he thought of a particular item.

"You should probably pick up some clean clothes or something, you know, for the rest of the trip," he grumbled.

Peach realized she had not even thought about the rest of the journey, as she intended to escape to Topaz and eventually make her way to the Mushroom Kingdom. Not wanting to give herself away, she nodded her head and looked for comfortable active clothes.

Bowser looked down and noticed the princess' red, swollen joints and shook his head. "I don't want you in any more battles. From now on, just let me take care of any fools who get in our way; I've got enough stomping power for the both of us."

Peach huffed, clearly annoyed at his suggestion. She placed her hands on her hips, "Don't tell me that! I would have been fine if we weren't attacking a giant rock! I'm just as capable as anybody else, so please don't baby me."

Bowser frowned; did she not understand that it was a bad thing to be "as capable" as anyone else? Other people were incompetent all the time! "Well, one thing is for sure; you can't go around using that stupid frying pan anymore or else you're gonna break your wrists. And, since I don't think they sell weapons in a department store, I guess you're SOL, Princess."

Peach shrugged her shoulders and picked out a few more outfits. Where she was going, she would not need a weapon, so it was useless to argue. If Bowser wanted to waste his coins buying her some active clothes, she figured she could use them to play a round of tennis once she was back on her castle grounds and her wrists had healed.

Soon, Bowser held a large shopping bag filled with a few rather pricey athletic outfits for Peach, a few provisions, and a fashionable duffel bag so that she might have somewhere to store her items. The couple decided they ought to get something to eat before heading back into town. They chose a crowded restaurant with a gorgeous window view of the lighted boats in the harbor.

Peach looked out the window in mixed spirits. She was secretly happy to be going home, but also angry with Bowser for suggesting she leave herself defenseless against future enemies. Even though she knew it did not matter, the fact that he felt she was incapable of defending herself was incredibly insulting. Her ambivalent mood caused her to act erratically, sometimes acting cheerful and talkative toward the Koopa King, then instantly reverting to a sullen and pouty disposition.

The appetizers arrived during one of Peach's pouty moments, and Bowser summarily excused himself to the restroom. As the Koopa King lumbered away, Peach recognized this as her chance to escape. Her guilty conscience weighing heavily on her, she opted to leave the bag of goods at the table as she snuck through the thick crowds and out the door.

Outside in the brisk night air, she navigated the brightly streets, shuffling her way though the heavy pedestrian traffic. She had to take careful note of the street signs to ensure that she did not get lost. She could not risk missing Mick and her plane ride home. A few blocks down, she boarded a free shuttle to the airport and breathed a sigh of relief. Her stomach gurgled with hunger and anxiety. _What if Mick is late or doesn't show up?_

As the shuttle neared the terminal, Peach checked a clock hanging on the wall. She had plenty of time to find the right gate and board the plane. Wandering through the airport, she played with her dress nervously and almost felt a pang of regret. She really did hope that Bowser found all his Koopalings safely. _It's not my responsibility; my responsibility lies with my people, I must get home safely to them._

At last, Peach found the correct gate and prepared to speak to the receptionist, feeling more than a little foolish. She was going to ask about boarding an airplane without tickets as a guest of a famous surfing champion. She did not even know his last name.

"Um, 'scuse me, Miss?" A young male Opal with bright blue eyes addressed Peach. "You lookin' to board Mick's private jet?"

_A private jet? _"Yes, but how did you know?"

"He said you'd be here and it's not every day you see someone wearing a getup like that!" he said, gesturing to her relatively elegant pink dress. It was true; many of the Opals dressed very casually, preferring beachwear or ranching style outfits.

"Not of course that it doesn't look spiffy, because it does. Let's get you set up on the plane and ready to go!"

Peach followed the man, who turned out to be the pilot of the aircraft, onto the small runway and carefully climbed the narrow stairs up to the plane with a nervous feeling in her stomach. She hoped she could trust the surfing champion to take her home.


	4. Monkey Business in Topaz Kingdom

**A/N: I AM NOT DEAD! Yes, this took half a year to get out to you guys. I'm really sorry about that. I've got this new internship and things have been so nuts. Again, I'm sorry for the delay and I hope you like the (big, long) chapter!

* * *

**

"So the Mario Brothers were here?" Kamek muttered dryly.

"Yes sir, and they brought along one violent Princess Daisy!" squeaked the Koopa nervously, opting to leave out the fact that the Koopas in his troop were playing cards instead of protecting the palace.

"Very well then, I shall record the information. Carry on." Kamek shrugged his shoulders as the Koopa Troopa left the room. Of course, it was always bad news when Mario and Luigi came to the castle; however, the royal Koopas were quite obviously not there, and were in no danger so long as Mario did not find the castle on Emerald Island.

Kamek had been slightly offended when he was asked not to intervene in this latest scheme, but he figured someone would have to take care of the home castle while his superiors were away. Indeed, with the Koopalings and Bowser off elsewhere, it was almost like a miniature vacation where the Magikoopa could take care of the responsibilities he had been neglecting.

_What will my first order of business be?_ He eyed his cluttered desk area, covered with various papers and notes. _Ah, of course, I shall finally get around to cleaning my office! It's been weeks!_

As Kamek rifled though his papers, he found himself thanking the Stars that the Koopa King was not more thorough with his follow-up as there were many orders and decrees that fell upon Kamek's messy desk unnoticed. Finally spotting these decrees, Kamek used his wand as a microphone to his own personal PA system to issue orders.

First, in response to yet another defeat at the hands of the Mario Brothers, all military units were to undergo a specific anti-plumber training program.

Kamek smiled in delight as he heard the commotion outside of all the various battalions arranging themselves for impromptu training. It certainly felt good to make other people work.

Next, Kamek called down to the kitchen with a direct order to remove any food from the kitchen containing high fructose corn syrup, purportedly in an effort to reign in the expanding waist size of Morton Koopa Jr. Remembering the moldy bagel he had bitten into last week, Kamek added that he would like the pantry fully inspected for expired food and the entire stock databased with regard to expiration date and quantity for ease in reordering.

He next called in all the castle's part-time maintenance crews to begin work on castle restoration. After all, there was no better time to restore and renovate than when the royal Koopas would not be underfoot.

At last, the Darklandian castle was humming with activity. Satisfied that he had given everyone in the castle some pursuit to make them both active and miserable, he seized his note for an increased eyeglass prescription and prepared to leave the castle. Before he did so, he smiled wickedly at the remaining stack of papers on his desk.

He knew there was one person to whom he had not yet assigned work. With a fluid swish of his wand, he sent the messy pile of papers from his desk straight onto Kammy's desk with a bright green sticky note bearing an elegant filigreed script that read, "Honeydew."

* * *

Ludwig rolled his eyes at Morton, who was jabbering nonsensically, as usual. He had asked the Stars to send him something to do to end his boredom. Lo and behold, the Stars sent him his fat, talkative younger brother as company.

"So, as I was saying Ludo, that's why you just have to fix the TV. If I miss my show, I'll be so mad that I'll…"

"Morton," Ludwig replied coolly, "are you oblivious to the fact that television decomposes your brain?"

"It does not, you liar, liar, pants on fire!"

"Ah, did you hear what you just said? That was a wholly unintelligent phrase, Morton. Perchance if you utilized a greater quantity of your time reading rather than sitting slack-jawed before the television, you might enhance your rather limited discourse."

Morton's grey face grew significantly redder as Ludwig continued; "Actually, I cannot, in good conscience, advocate that you squander any more of your time in a seated position. Frankly, dear Morton, you are in dire need of physical exertion. As your older, wiser brother and direct superior, I have the obligation to insist that you run at least fifty laps around this edifice."

Ludwig stretched his own muscles, tired from his exercise two days prior. "Of course, I am confident you will not begrudge the fact that I will not be joining you on this undertaking."

Morton looked positively shocked. Him? Run? Morton furrowed his brows and shot back, "You can't tell me what to do! I don't have to go running if I don't wanna!"

Ludwig smirked cruelly and turned back to his younger brother with a winning smile. "Is that the case? Well, perhaps you wouldn't mind enlightening me on who is going to prevent me from perpetrating the most atrocious acts of violence against you should you opt to contravene my command?" He advanced upon his younger brother threateningly, seizing him by the throat. "Do not forget, when Father is not present to shelter your howling hide from my wrath, you are under my command. Now go."

Morton quickly ran away, trying to conceal his sniffles as a couple of Hammer Brothers escorted him to the running track around the fortress.

Ludwig mused to himself as he prepared a perch next to a window so he could watch his fat, younger brother run around the track all day. He realized he needed more company quickly, before power and boredom corrupted what little benevolent sensibilities he had.

* * *

Luigi looked positively green as he disembarked from the Daisy Cruiser. The heroes had been disappointed to learn that the backwards little island of Emerald had no airport, so travel by boat was required.

Once on land, Luigi hugged onto a tree to steady his miserably sick body. Coming from the eastern island of Sarasa Land, the trio had found that navigating to the east and approaching Emerald on the west end was far faster than sailing to Emerald from the Mushroom Kingdom. As a result, Mario, Luigi, and Daisy had found themselves very close to the Emerald Village.

"C'mon guys," called Daisy, tugging on the sleeve of her seasick boyfriend. "There's supposed to be a town up ahead; I bet they would know where to find Peachy."

The village sentry smiled happily and welcomed the visitors to Emerald Village. Inside, Mario quickly found the town shop, as was his usual practice when investigating a new area. He eyed the Koopa Troopas suspiciously. He somehow felt wary of them, though they appeared to be just normal Koopas shopping for groceries and other staples. Shaking off his uneasy feeling, he was surprised to hear a familiar voice.

"Um, it's so nice we could finally pencil in an appointment to meet each other."

Mario turned to see the light blue silhouette of Nastasia standing next to the hulking O'Chunks, outside of the house with the grass roof talking with O'Mama.

"'Ey, look who it is!" cried O'Chunks upon seeing the two plumbers. "O'Mama, these are the brothers I was tellin' yeh about in all me letters!"

"Letters!" O'Mama exclaimed in shock, "I 'ad never been gettin' any letters from yeh. 'Ere I thought yeh had forgotten about yer only mum!"

O'Chunks grunted in disapproval, "Bah, I knew I shouldn't 'ave trusted that bloomin' turtle to deliver me letters. I'd never forget about me mum! How's me little brother, O'Stumps?"

O'Mama shook her head and sighed, "'E be feelin' the pains of a maiden lost; she was a lovely lass, in the care of a great salamander o' sorts, she was."

Mario's ears perked up; a beautiful woman seen with a giant reptile?

Nastasia lowered her head, "Um, well, perhaps we could go right ahead and cheer him up. It's never fun to lose someone you care about."

O'Chunks put his burly arm around the sullen blue girl and she smiled up at him tenderly. To this day, it was still hard for her to get over the Count's disappearance with his love, Timpani. However, she knew he was happier this way, and it looked like she had found a great friend, and maybe something more in her muscular, handsome warrior.

O'Stumps eyed his older brother from afar and sighed heavily. Of course O'Chunks, a proven military commander, would be able to find himself a beautiful girl with which to spend his days. Just looking at the two of them, blushing at one another and exchanging awkward glances, bred envy in the younger brother, whose heart ached with hormonally charged loneliness. However, O'Stumps felt his feelings of envy quickly vanish when he saw a most impressive sight. A swish of yellow fabric and a flash of auburn hair catching the warm sunlight was all it took to melt the Highlander's heart.

Luigi was too busy shopping at the general store to notice O'Stumps approach Daisy.

"M'lady! Forgive my intrusion, I couldn' 'elp but notice yer radiant beauty from across the way. Please, allow me tah introduce meself. I'm O'Stumps, commander o' the—"

"Oi! Little Brother," cried O'Chunks., " it's been ages, I 'aven't seen yeh since yeh were a wee rugrat! Come meet me…err…chum, Nastasia."

Luigi, hearing a familiar voice, walked over to greet O'Chunks. He introduced Daisy to the warrior and Nastasia as his "loving girlfriend". O'Chunks had to restrain himself from expressing his surprise that a weird little guy like Luigi had managed to find himself a girlfriend.

Upon hearing the news of Daisy's relationship status, O'Stumps' heart went cold as he slowly slinked away from the scene, crestfallen again.

Soon, the triad of heroes had explained their quest to the Emeralds, who were all too happy to inform the adventurers that they had seen the lovely princess and her bulky companion off to Opal Island some time ago. However, it was not in O'Mama's nature to allow any visitor to leave without feeding him or her a fine meal. Despite Mario's feeble protests, O'Mama managed to get everyone inside for a feast and a night of raucous entertainment.

* * *

Peach gingerly stepped into the elegantly furnished, private jet. She had to admit, she had not expected such luxurious accommodations, though she was a bit taken aback by the sensual insinuations of the low-lighted interior and strategically placed bottles of champagne. However, she was even more taken aback when she discovered that she was not alone in the cabin. Instead of finding the surfing champion's smiling, easy-going face, she was unhappy to find the Koopa King sitting in an opulent seat glaring at her.

"So glad you could make it," he spat, barely concealing the outrageous anger in his voice.

Peach gulped, she was used to Bowser being gruff, but she had rarely seen him so angry. A churning pit formed in the bottom of her stomach; she knew she was caught.

"So tell me, what were you thinking this time?"

"Wh-Where's Mick? How did you get on here?"

"Oh, don't you worry about lover boy. He should be sleeping off a little 'persuasion' somewhere. Wasn't it nice of him to offer such lavish accommodations to us?"

_Poor Mick! Bowser must have found out and…_ "How…?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? You think I don't know a devious plan when I see one? I've got eight kids and I run legions of variously incompetent minions! You think I don't know a lie when I hear one? Especially from you…you've got to be the least effective liar in the world. Some politician you are!"

Peach looked down at her gloved hands. She had given her secret away; now she'd never get home.

Bowser looked sickened, disgusted by Peach's betrayal. "How dare you? I knew I shouldn't have listened to Ludwig and trusted you because I knew something like this would happen!"

Taking me along was Ludwig's idea? Peach contemplated in utter silence as the heartbroken Bowser continued to vent his frustrations. He hated to admit, but he was somehow disappointed in his perfect princess. He was disappointed that she would stoop so low to lying and treacherous scheming. It was as if he had somehow expected her to be "better" than that.

"Just how naïve are you anyhow? Do you know what that guy could have done to you? Look at this, a furry rug on the floor, champagne and oysters at the bar…Peach, you don't even know what kind of creep he could be! At least when you're with me, you'll always be safe from harm. But you just throw that in my face. Is this what you wanted?"

Peach bit her lower lip. Of course that was not what she wanted; she wanted to go home! She cast her eyes downward; Bowser had a point. Although he was a villain and obnoxious, he had never attempted to betray her trust in that way, and here she was, betraying his trust when he was at his lowest point, struggling to find his kidnapped children. Tears came to her eyes as she sympathized with the Koopa King, despite herself and his harsh words.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, taking a seat in the corner couch of the plane.

"No you're not," he retorted, before turning away from her to look out the window.

The plane took off from the lighted runway and the royals flew in complete silence, occasionally punctuated by a sniffle from Peach's corner of the plane.

The plane landed shortly at Topaz International Airport. Peach and Bowser were escorted into a taxi, which took them to Mick's private summer home. The home was every bit as marvelous and palatial as his regular home, just with a wildly different architecture. It was a little past midnight when they arrived; the moonlight struggled to break free from the patchy cloud cover. Peach quickly fled to the first bedroom she could find, leaving Bowser to find other arrangements.

He wandered the darkened halls, too tired and lazy to bother finding a light switch, until he stumbled upon an empty bedroom. He climbed into the bed, trying to shut out any thoughts of what may have previously transpired between the silken, ecologically friendly bamboo sheets. He felt himself slowly become drowsier, lighter, and warmer.

As he drifted off, he found himself back in Peach's castle, apparently tied to a plush yellow chair. He should have been able to easily break his bonds, or the chair for that matter, but for some reason he felt entirely weak and powerless, almost as if he had been paralyzed. Before him stood Peach with a happy smile on her face. She was almost cooing as she spoke.

"And then, when I force you to take me as your queen, your kingdom will be mine," she giggled. "Let's see, there will be big statues of me and you'll be my slave forever."

"I'm nobody's slave," he grunted, struggling against his bonds to no avail.

Peach smiled serenely and clasped his hand in hers. "But Bowser, you don't have a choice; you already are my slave. When we are married, I will make you my personal pillow, and you will keep me safe and warm, massage my feet when they are tired, get things off of high shelves, and learn to bake cakes so you can surprise me on my birthday. You know, I won't have it any other way. There's no other one for me except you, my Koopa King."

She slipped a beautiful silver band around his finger and nuzzled him gently. "All you have to say is…"

"Heck yes."

Peach giggled, "That'll do. Now, why don't you wake me up and let's go find those kids of yours. I'm worried they might be in danger."

Bowser felt himself getting heavier, the walls of the castle were starting to blur and ungulate in his distorted reality. He was not ready to leave; this area was so soft and warm. He could not move; he was too tired. "Peach…"

"Oh and Bowser? One more thing. I might still be upset with you; it's not very nice when you yell at me. How about a little breakfast to break the ice and…well, you know how much I love to see you smile…" She moved her lips toward his, but his dissolving alternate consciousness was pulling him away too quickly. He felt himself waking up, just as things were getting good.

"Peach…come back," he muttered, again in the realm of reality. Bowser found himself in a room with clay walls the color of warm cinnamon. His bed was a large affair with creamy white sheets in a damask stripe. He shook his head to wake himself up and heaved a great sigh. I've been enslaved, he thought tepidly, as he turned on the shower and waited for the warm water, massaging his ring finger.

Half asleep, Bowser stood in the stream and let the water run over his features. Sadly, the dream was so terribly appealing to him that he was going to do exactly what Dream Peach had said. He was going to take his favorite little traitor out to breakfast, and hope she fell in love with him._ What a moron_, he thought grimly.

Bowser replaced his shell after getting ready for the morning and went to Peach's room. It was not difficult for him to find, it was the only door in the mansion that was closed.

He hesitated slightly and then knocked lightly on the door. No response. She had better be in there. He knocked again, this time a little more urgently. The door opened slowly to reveal the princess with a pouty expression on her face. Bowser had to stop himself from laughing at how silly she looked. Her hair was sticking out at all angles and her eyes were half closed. She still looked beautiful to him though, and it was all he could do not to gather her in an enormous embrace and try for the kiss he had missed in his dream. However, her sad expression told him to do otherwise.

"Uh, good morning. Listen, I want to know if you want to go into town and get some breakfast with me or something…you know, after you're ready and all. Then we can get started on trying to find my kids."

"You mean you're not just going to lock me in and leave me here?" she moped.

Bowser wanted so badly to be able to put his arm around her and hold her close. She looked so saddened and upset. Instead, he fixed his fiery amber eyes to gaze straight into her sparkling blue ones and said, "No. I'm not going to leave you here. I trust you'll behave yourself and not make me regret my decision."

"I'm really sorry for last night…"

Bowser waved it off. "Just promise me you won't try it again."

Peach bit her bottom lip. How could she make such a promise to Bowser if there was a warp pipe somewhere in this kingdom that led directly to the Mushroom Kingdom? For that matter, did contacting the Mario Brothers fall under the category of "trying to escape"?

Unnerved by her sudden silence, Bowser grunted, "Well, you should go get ready…I'm hungry."

Peach turned to go back inside her room while Bowser paced into the main foyer. Looking through a large bay window, he noticed that it was raining quite heavily. Opening the heavy mission-style door, he could smell the rich scent of the earth merged with the sharp smell of electrically generated ozone and nitric oxide. It would be a thunderstorm.

"Great," muttered Bowser.

Soon, Peach emerged from her room in her normal pink dress looking as beautiful as ever. Peach made a face as she saw the inclement weather though the window.

"Oh, that doesn't look like much fun. How are we going to get to breakfast?" Peach asked.

"We have to walk; we have no other choice."

Peach looked down. "But, I have no rain boots, and my parasol is broken…"

Bowser growled in the back of his throat; he could not understand why Peach should get so fussy over a little bit of water.

"It's not like there's any food here, so if you wanted to eat today…"

Bowser was halfway frustrated with the weather ruining his plans, and now halfway frustrated with himself for getting frustrated with Peach. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself that he was trying to do something nice for Peach to make things less awkward. He pulled a long, black umbrella out of a receptacle by the door and handed it to her.

"There is only one." she half asked, half stated.

Bowser bit his lip to stop himself from getting angry. "It's fine, just take it. I don't need one." He opened the door and let Peach go ahead of him before shutting it behind him.

Peach carefully opened the umbrella and started down the large porch with careful steps. However, it was not long before she stopped. Bowser frowned and noticed she looked worriedly contemplative. Looking down, he could see that she had stopped just at the edge of the walkway, right at the threshold between stone and mud. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. _That's right, she doesn't have any stupid rain boots._

Quickly, he picked her up, again cradling her in his arms, and continued walking. She gave a look of some protest and he settled her with an unamused look.

"Look Peach, I already told you, I'm hungry. A king's gotta eat, ya know?"

Peach shrugged her shoulders and settled in, holding the umbrella over his shaggy red mane to cover both of them. It was useless to argue or protest; at least now she would not have to worry about getting her feet wet. To Peach, having wet feet in high heels was quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable feelings she had ever experienced; it simply drove her mad.

The sound of the rain droplets pitter-pattering against the umbrella was soothing, as was the sound of Bowser's claws squishing into the mud. She could not believe he did not mind the feeling of mud between his toes. She began to think about how different Bowser's norms were from hers.

_I guess he's used to just doing whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences. Hmm, I hope I wasn't being a pain back there; he's probably not used to looking out for anybody but himself…_

Feeling strangely guilty, she resolved to try not to make so many demands or complaints to her captor; after all, if she became a burden to him, he might simply lock her up somewhere. She adjusted the umbrella to better cover Bowser, who had gotten a little wet when she let the umbrella slip while daydreaming. She began to wonder how and if he knew where he was going.

Soon enough, the narrow roads began to grow wider and the buildings became taller as the landscape became more civilized. At last, the buildings enveloped them and they found themselves in a beautiful plaza. The architecture of the city had an amazing duality that Peach found absolutely stunning. Interspersed among the regal and reticent feel of the imposing, overarching Gothic cathedrals and towers, were shops, cottages, and carts that exuded a warm and vibrant old-world charm.

All around, the incredibly diverse population conversed in lilting, musical language. At last, Bowser spotted a small café nestled in a corner of the busy plaza. He set Peach down on the dry ground under the awning and motioned for her to go inside.

Upon entering the packed cafe, they were swiftly met by a wall of noise and a Goomba holding two menus and an urgent expression. "No hay lugar dentro del café, lo siento. Hay mesas en el exterior con calentadores, si desea."

Peach looked at the swiftly speaking Goomba in confusion. As a princess, she had been instructed in a variety of languages; however, the waiter had spoken so fast that she was completely taken aback. "I'm sorry, I don't understand…"

A light of understanding and sympathy shone in the Goomba's eyes as he tried again to communicate. "Please. Many people." He stuttered, gesturing to the throng of people sitting in the café, enjoying their drinks. Frustrated with trying to communicate in a language outside his mother tongue, he gently pushed the royals outside to a small table under the awning and turned on a tall space heater above them. The Goomba then graciously handed them their menus and smiled. "Okay?"

"Yes, this should be fine, thank you," Peach said gracefully, taking her seat as the waiter swiftly disappeared into the café.

An awkward silence fell between Peach and Bowser as both looked over their menus. _Hmm, pastries, coffee, more coffee, espressos, cappuccinos, mochas…oh no, there is no tea on this menu!_ Peach's eyes widened as she scanned the menu for something she would feel comfortable drinking. She knew Bowser would be terribly offended if he had taken her all this way and she did not end up getting anything; however, coffee upset her sensitive stomach. Finally, she settled upon the "chocolate caliente".

The waitstaff soon took their orders and Peach and Bowser sat in yet another awkward silence until the latter cleared his throat. "So…"

"Mm?"

Bowser fumbled for something to say. He wanted to show her he was not upset at her anymore in a way that did not seem too needy. "It's raining." It's raining! Shit, that was stupid; of course it's raining.

"Yeah, it is…" Peach laughed nervously. "Thanks for…uh, bringing me here. I don't much care for the rain, especially if I have to be outside." _Oops, I'm complaining again; stop it Peach, proper princesses never complain about that which cannot be helped._

"Heh, I didn't notice," Bowser rolled his eyes sarcastically. "I dunno, I like the rain; we don't get enough of it in the Darklands. It makes everything seem super dramatic, like you're in a movie. Especially if there's thunder and lighting!"

It was true, thunderstorms were his favorite time to attack Peach's castle. He could burst in her castle doors, dripping with precipitation while the thunder provided the perfect backtrack to harmonize with the sounds of dozens of screaming Mushrooms. It was amazing, to say the least.

At last, the Goomba returned with an extra large cup of fine black coffee for Bowser, and a wide cappuccino mug filled to the brim with hot chocolate for Peach. The chocolate was topped with a frothy swirl of whipped cream and a generous sprinkle of chocolate jimmies. Between the two, they shared a plate of fresh fruits and meats for Bowser along with some perfectly golden toast. All the while, the rain gently splashed against the awning above until suddenly a noise and a bump from under the table broke into their reticent conversation.

"What on earth was that?" asked Peach.

Out from under the white tablecloth crawled a fuzzy, brown Ukiki. Relatively unknown in the Mushroom Kingdom, Ukikis are an adorable, mischievous, monkey-like species. Peach was instantly charmed by the cuteness of the creature.

"Why hello there," she cooed. "Would you like a piece of fruit?" she asked, slowly extending a strawberry, with her palm carefully held flat.

The Ukiki smiled widely and reached for the berry, extending his little fingers just enough to smack the fruit out of Peach's hand. Subsequently, the Ukiki jumped on the table with a deafening shriek and began kicking the food off onto the ground. Bowser and Peach stood up quickly to avoid flying plates and flatware.

As Bowser drew in his breath to roast the offending primate, he heard Peach gasp. Looking around, the duo could see that the entire town had become overrun with the naughty little monkeys. They were everywhere; jumping on the heads of the citizens, swimming in the flowing fountains, swinging from the architecture, and causing all manner of general havoc.

Taking advantage of the Koopa King's hesitation, the little Ukiki jumped off the table, on to Peach's vacated chair, and grabbed her brand new bag, which carried all of her coins and emergency provisions.

"No! Stop!" she screamed, but it was no use; the Ukiki ran off into the city streets, admiring his fashionable new handbag.

Suddenly, from above the royals, a scream pierced the air, followed by the sound of shattering glass. Bowser moved quickly to protect Peach from falling shards by hovering over her. A Ukiki jumped out of the window wearing a strand of pearls and some fine lingerie on its head. Bowser growled after it as it raced down the street.

Bowser growled as he carefully readjusted himself from his position crouched over Peach. "Just what he hell is going on here?" he muttered coarsely.

Meanwhile, they heard a magnified voice echoing from the center the main plaza. Following the voice, Bowser marched out into the rain, with Peach following carefully behind, trying to avoid the puddles between the cobblestones. Under and awning in the center square, a richly attired man held a megaphone and spoke to the citizens in a panicked voice.

Peach gasped. W_hy, that's King Fernandez, I know him! Maybe he can help me…._ Peach swallowed hard, remembering her promise to not try to run away from Bowser anymore. Maybe if King Fernandez recognized her, he would help without trying.

While Peach was musing, yet another rouge Ukiki Jumped on King Fernandez's finely plumed hat. In one swift motion, the Ukiki grabbed both the feathered hat and the megaphone right out of the monarch's grasp. The panicked crowd dispersed, fearfully clutching onto their children and valuables. Peach rushed up to assist the bewildered king.

"King Fernandez!" she cried, "Are you all right?"

"You know this coot?" Bowser mumbled.

"Princess Peach?" the old man rubbed his eyes in wonder, "Why, I haven't seen you since you were a little girl. You are still the same! Ah, I am sorry that we must meet in this way. I have just called a state of emergencia national."

"What exactly is going on?"

"You see, we were set to have our annual Running of the Ukikis, an event most important in Topaz. When we went to check on the Ukikis, someone had let them out, and they went crazy! They are usually so naughty animals, but today they are worse than ever, thieving anything of value they can find! It is truly terrible. Worst of all, they have been stealing the children of our citizens!"

"Well, that's too bad, bud. We'd love to help, but we've got our own case of missing kids. C'mon Peach, let's get out of here."

"No, please, you don't understand! All transportation out of Topaz is closed to prevent the Ukikis from escaping! It would be impossible to leave without capturing all the Ukikis," the King said apologetically.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Bowser glared threateningly.

The king cowered slightly, "It is no joke. I am very sorry about your missing children; but if you would agree to help, I would be glad to provide royal transportation to Princess Peach and her most…esteemed bodyguard."

Peach bit her bottom lip. King Fernandez would not be able to help her, but regardless, she would not be able to leave Topaz if they did not help wrangle the Ukikis. "Well, I guess those Ukikis also have our bag of provisions…" she added.

"Grrrah, FINE!" Bowser yelled. "I'll take care of your little pest problem, but don't you dare think I'm happy about it."

"Oh, many thanks, kind sir," replied the king happily.

"On a few conditions," he added.

"Oh, yes?"

"Take Princess Peach to the castle and keep her safe; I'm doing this job alone."

"But…" A loud barking noise interrupted Peach's protests. "Chompy! What are you doing here?"

The wayward Chain Chomp came barreling down the avenue excitedly bouncing. Peach could not decide if Chompy looked even bigger than before, or if it was just her imagination.

"Oh what, you wanna go too?" Bowser asked. Chompy barked happily in response. "All right, fine, you can come chew some monkey butt, but don't get in the way."

"Oh, please try not to harm them any more than necessary. This event is already enough of a fiasco with the animal rights groups…" the king interjected.

"Did you want my help or not."

King Fernandez sighed softly and gestured to Princess Peach. "We will go and watch your progress from the safety of the castle bridge. Come Princess."

Annoyed at being excluded from the action, Peach reluctantly agreed to follow Fernandez, but not before she gave Chompy a pat on the forehead.

Inside Topaz Castle, Peach was extremely conflicted as she followed King Fernandez down the corridors to the bridge. Obviously, Bowser had left her alone with King Fernandez out of concern for her safety, and he trusted her not to try to escape, after all, she made an implicit promise when she left with him to get breakfast this morning. On the other hand, she owed it her kingdom and to the Mario Brothers to try to find her way out of danger if possible. All she had to do was let King Fernandez know about her situation and surely he could help.

_Why do I care if I offend Bowser? He's the one who kidnapped me and put me through all of this. But, he seemed so upset last night…_

She drew a deep breath, "Your Majesty?"

"Si?"

"I feel it's important that you understand...the person I was with…" Peach hesitated slightly, then continued. "You see...he isn't my bodyguard…"

Fernandez gasped in shock, then a look of realization dawned on his face. "Oh, Your Highness, I am very, very sorry I did not know sooner. I had heard rumors of...your situation."

"You have?" she asked. This was excellent news, the word was out that she had been kidnapped; that meant people were looking for her!

"Si, of course. Do not worry, I will get you out of this kingdom as soon as the borders open again. You will have nothing to fear!"

Peach smiled happily, though she was not entirely sure that she had done the right thing. At last, the royal duo reached a large outdoor bridge that connected to the castle; from here, they could see a large portion of the town.

Meanwhile, citizens ran inside and tried to seal their houses as best they could. Bowser swaggered through the streets with a menacing look on his face. The little monkeys were fast and annoying, they had stolen Peach's things, and most of all they were in the way of him finding his kids.

A female Goomba ran by screaming as a Ukiki made off with all of her jewelry. Chompy quickly leapt into action, chasing the offending monkey into the streets with threatening barks. Bowser wondered pessimistically how he could possibly wrangle every Ukiki back into its cage; he didn't even know how many there were.

Quickly, he began seizing as many Ukikis as possible. One dirty little monkey gorging itself at a fruit stand, another trying on fancy hats and monocles in a broken shop window. At least three or four in the watch shop, loading their little knapsacks with shining gold watches. Each one Bowser put behind bars, where the Ukikis chattered and shook the cage angrily.

What do these stupid furballs want with all of this expensive stuff?

Minutes grew into hours as Bowser investigated every scream and crash. Chompy raced up and down avenues, looking for Ukikis to herd. Particularly, he enjoyed when a Ukiki would attempt to jump over his head. Then, he would leap up and catch the offending creature in his powerful jaws. It was merely a fortunate bonus when one or two of the animals "slipped" between his teeth into his waiting mouth. They were bony, but had an exotic, gamey flavor to their meat.

Perspiration studded Bowser's brow as he forcefully threw yet another monkey into the packed cage. He moaned in frustration, "How many more of these things ARE there?"

Suddenly, a loud boom echoed throughout the kingdom, shaking the structures and causing all the Ukikis to scream madly. The remaining Ukikis emerged from their hiding places and quickly ran toward the shore with their knapsacks stuffed full of food, money, children, and valuables.

On the bridge, Peach gasped as she saw a pirate ship on the coast, drawing ever closer. The Ukikis lined up on the shore as Bowser and Chompy hightailed it to ensure the monkeys would not get away with the precious cargo.

As Bowser and Chompy hit the sand, the pirate ship made land, and out popped the largest Ukiki anyone had ever seen. Like a good pirate, he wore a blue captain's jacket, an eyepatch and had an apparently unnecessary peg leg and hook on his left hand. On his head was the most luxurious captain's hat the world had ever seen. It was bedecked by pure white plumage, wondrous golden ropes, and luxurious crimson velvet that clashed with the captain's jacket in all the right ways. On his shoulder, Iggy sat uncomfortably.

The giant Ukiki shrieked loudly, calling his minions to attention and apparently demanding to know how well the Ukikis' playtime efforts had gone. Simultaneously, the Ukiki's opened their sacks and displayed their treasures to the greedy leader. Bowser rushed forward upon seeing his son. Immediately, all the soaking wet Ukikis turned to face the intruder baring their teeth and looking generally rabid. At this sight, even Bowser took a step backwards.

Chompy, however, smiled his big toothy grin, recognizing this as his time to shine. Having to fear no bite, he sailed though the air into the pile of brown fuzzy animals, devouring as many as possible. Peach shielded her eyes from the frightening display as Bowser watched in a mixture of morbid amazement and disgust. The Ukikis scattered in fear of the round, black monster and began to board the ship, leaving most of their treasures behind.

Using the creatures' own confusion and chaos-inducing tactics against them, Bowser was able to sneak around to the screeching, oversize Ukiki captain who held his son. Inhaling sharply, Bowser withheld his fire breath for a brief time to allow it time to heat up. He wanted it to hurt and to hurt badly, to teach the villain a lesson about messing with the Koopa Royal Family. Bowser unleashed his wicked fire breath onto the tail of the unsuspecting captain, who howled in pain, then ran into the salty waters to ease his burning posterior.

Iggy fell into the water as the Ukiki captain tried to swim to catch his rapidly departing ship. Bowser raced into the surf to claim his son while Chompy rested on the beach, miraculously tired and, though it was never known this was possible, seemingly satiated.

Iggy twitched uncomfortably as his father carried him to shore. He would prefer if the world at large did not know about his swimming deficiency. At last, they were on the beach and Bowser began his interrogation as Iggy attempted in vain to dry off in the rain and Peach and Fernandez came to join them.

"What's going on here? How did you guys get captured? Do you know where the others are?"

"Dad, please, one at a time. I don't know how we got captured, it's all kind of a blur, but luckily, while I was on that ship I had time to read what looked to be some important documents about some kind of plan," he trailed off, "Mama Peach?"

Peach waved to the tall, lanky Koopaling uneasily as she arrived on the scene with the short Fernandez somewhat behind, struggling in the wet sand. Lightning struck in the distance.

"Everyone," Fernandez called, "the storm is getting worse. Let us move this talk to a safe place. Please, return to my castle and, as promised, I will prepare for your departure as soon as possible.

Inside the gleaming golden halls of Topaz castle, the lovely Queen Bella greeted each of her damp guests with a large hug and a kiss on both cheeks, to which Iggy looked equal parts embarrassed and enamored.

As the King labored to make arrangements, Peach and Bowser sat with Iggy beside a large fireplace, waiting anxiously to hear his news.

"Well, like I said, I read some important documents. It looks like they're trying to use some sort of machines on us. I looked at the schematics and it looks like some kind of energy draining device. There wasn't any evidence to show what they wanted to use the energy for though."

"But why would they use you?" Bowser retorted, "Why can't they just use someone else's kids?"

"That's what I couldn't figure out. Anyway, I managed to get some data on where some of us might be being held. Back on the island where our fortress is, Emerald Island, there should be somebody there."

"It was Ludo; already found him," Bowser grunted.

"Oh," replied Iggy, a little disappointed that his information could not be useful. "I don't know where anyone else would be; I couldn't find anything else on the ship."

"Pardon me," Queen Bella approached the group in her magnanimous way. "My husband has made travel arrangements for you. If it is not too much trouble, you shall depart tomorrow when the border restrictions are no longer a problem. For tonight, we have prepared guest rooms for you in the castle."

With a swish of her gold and cream colored dress, she gestured to a waiting Goomba maid who curtseyed in respect. "I am sure you are all very tired because of your big adventure. I will have your dinner sent to your rooms. You may follow Gracia to your room."

As Peach, Bowser, and Iggy turned to follow the maid, Queen Bella called out, "Princess Peach?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

Taking Peach aside, Bella said in a hushed tone, "My husband has told me about your situation. Please, do not worry, we have made arrangements for your swift departure tomorrow, whenever you are ready tomorrow morning."

"Thank you very much, it really means a lot to me."

"Ah, de nada, now let us not delay any more." She smiled as she gestured for Peach to return to her group and bid them farewell.

Soon enough, Gracia stopped in front of a grand door made of dark wood with iron furnishing. Knowing only a small bit of language outside her mother tongue, the maid gestured to Bowser and Peach. "For you." Then, she gestured for Iggy to follow her to separate quarters.

Peach gulped, they were supposed to stay inside the same room together? She stepped inside the room carefully and admired the mudéjar style architecture and decoration. Ornate patterns were carved into the wooden ceiling and everything was painted in strikingly vibrant colors mixed with ornate, but restrained neutral pieces. She was so delighted to see the fantastic bath area, she failed to notice there was but one large, elaborately decorated bed in the center of the room. It was a full two minutes of her gazing at all the fabulously detailed furnishings before she turned around and noticed the sleeping arrangement situation.

Bowser sat tersely on the balls of his feet, half cringing, waiting for her to be horrified or go into a rage. Peach stood with her mouth agape; surely there must have been some gross oversight. She pursed her lips and poked her head outside the door, only to find the hallway deserted. "This won't do," she said quietly.

A tense silence came over the couple. Bowser cleared his throat to try to dispel the awkward silence. "Well," he started, glancing at the clock, "it's about four. In Topaz, everyone takes an hour long break in the afternoon. They call it siesta, I call it lazy."

Peach sighed in frustration; she would have to wait until later to get anything done. She noticed her damp dress clinging to her in all the wrong ways and shifted uncomfortably in her shoes. Kicking off her shoes carelessly, she announced loudly "I'm going to go take a bath."

Bowser watched as she disappeared behind a heavy wooden door. He collapsed on the bed with a big sigh. Not even a shred of appreciation. The linens on the bed felt good, soft enough to be silky, but familiar enough to be cotton. They smelled like fresh water, orange peel, and a hint of spices. He glanced at Peach's dainty pink shoes left haphazardly on the floor. He gingerly picked up the damp shoes and placed them on the metal heater grate in hopes they might dry out a little. He did not allow himself to think for even a moment that he might be so lucky to share a bed, or even a room with his precious princess, though he longed for it more than anything else. He tried fervently not to let his mind slip to thoughts about Peach, bathing so close, just in the next room.

He wandered over to a pair of large wooden doors that opened to a fabulous balcony of ornately carved and painted limestone, mixed with beautiful inlays of rare woods and marble. Bowser had always preferred grey stone and black metal for his palaces, but even he could see the beauty and romance inherent in the design. He smirked to himself; maybe when he married Peach he would build her a summer home like this. After all, if that idiot Mick could have a summer home in Topaz, Bowser could have a summer palace. As a rule, Bowser did not like any man having anything he did not, especially if it was something that could impress Peach.

Outside, the rain had stopped and the weak sun was setting as the clouds were dispersing for the night. The weather had turned warm and humid and a couple of light stars peeked out in the twilight as a sliver of the crescent moon hung at the top of the sky.

Suddenly, Bowser heard a knock at the door. "Sus comida!"

Bowser opened the door to a short goomba maid "holding", on top of her head, a large tray of spicy foods and fragrant rice. She brought the food out to the balcony where the tray folded out into a low table. The maid took some opulent throw pillows from the bed and placed them on the ground as cushions for the royals to sit upon. Satisfied with her work, she looked around curiously. "Dónde está la señorita?"

"Uh."

"Bowser?" called Peach from within the bathroom. "Is the maid in here?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell her I need another room?"

Bowser sighed inwardly, somehow still exceedingly disappointed, though he had never allowed himself to hope that she might stay. He turned to the little Gooma and sighed again. She probably won't even understand half the words that come out of my mouth.

He took a deep breath and said in a slow, loud voice, "Peach needs a new room. Only one bed here. Understand?"

The maid smiled weakly and nodded, "Yeah, no problem, I'll get her set up in a new place right away. I'm new here by the way, just transferred in. Anyhow, I'll get on that right away! Enjoy your food."

As the maid left, Bowser heard the sound of moving bathwater, a few drips, some splishing wet footsteps, a pause, and then another whoosh of bathwater.

"Bowser?"

"What's up?"

"Um, is the maid still here by any chance?"

"No, she left."

"I have…a problem."

"What's wrong?"

"Those...things stole my bag. I...don't have any clothes that aren't wet and dirty so...I'm stuck in here."

Bowser scratched his head. He totally forgot about Peach's bag. He poked his head outside the door and waited for someone to come by, but nobody did. He opened a drawer; it was empty. He opened several others, all of which were empty. Finally, he opened the closet and came across a white terrycloth robe. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Uh, I found something."

"Okay, I'm going to grab it...no peeking."

Bowser flushed as he turned his back to the door with the bundle of fabric in his hands. Out of respect and almost a strange kind of fear, he closed his eyes and waited for the sound of the double doors sliding open. Peach opened the door the tiniest sliver possible to allow her hand to pass through, being sure to stand on the other side of the door. Bowser blushed furiously as he felt her damp hand brush against his as she grabbed the robe, definitely calling up images in his mind of what was going on behind the bathroom door.

Peach quickly closed the door again with a snap and Bowser attempted to cool his burning cheeks. Momentarily, Peach emerged from the bathroom in her white robe with rosy cheeks and wet hair. Bowser thought she looked absolutely stunning, in that cute sort of way.

"There's food on the balcony," he muttered.

He watched her float out to the balcony and wished more than ever to have her close, her cute little upturned nose tickling his chin as they cuddled on the beautiful, sweeping balcony.

"Are you going to eat as well?"

Snapped out of his daydream, he took a seat across from the princess and began to enjoy some of the delightful food. He poured fine wine from a glass carafe into his and Peach's glasses.

As Peach saw the twinkling stars peeking out from the partially cloudy sky, she sighed. It reminded her of being on her own balcony, apart from the muggy air. She missed her home and wondered if the Mario Brothers were on their way to come rescue her. _But I'm going home tomorrow, King Ferdinand and Queen Bella know of my plight and have taken steps to ensure my safety. I am in good hands._ She sighed to herself, feeling the sleeve of the terrycloth robe. She already knew she was in good hands.

Bowser was thrilled to have Peach dining with him in such a perfect setting. He could not help but think outlandish thoughts like perhaps if she had enough wine, she might just get sleepy and decide to fall asleep next to him. It certainly did not help that his mind was periodically distracted with the thoughts that she was obviously stark naked under the fluffy little robe he had handed her earlier. Unable to contain the happy hum within his throat, Bowser had no forewarning of his imminent mistake.

He's humming. Peach thought to herself with furrowed brows as she took a helping of almond and saffron flavored rice. Bowser was odd, that much was certain. Peach enjoyed her food thoroughly looking at the luminescent moon above until a cloud floated over the large, crescent sliver and Bowser opened his mouth to speak.

"It's nice out here, isn't it?"

"Yes, quite."

Bowser stretched and took another quaff of fine red wine, unwittingly preparing to say the worst possible thing. "Yeah, well, one day when I finish off that dumb plumb, I'll build one for you just like it. How's that, would you like that?"

Peach visibly stiffened. The way he mentioned Mario brought everything rushing back to her mind. She was not supposed to be enjoying herself; she was a prisoner. Toadsworth and her people were probably worried for her safely and goodness knows what Mario was enduring to make his way to rescue her.

"No." she answered coldly.

Taken aback, Bowser once again opened his mouth when it ought to have remained shut. "Oh, don't tell me you're offended about that plumber trash. I mean, who does he think he is anyhow? The way he calls out when he jumps, kicks, or does much of anything at all. What a pompous showoff, and his voice is so damn irritating."

Peach scowled at Bowser, "Mario is a good, noble man and a very good friend of mine."

"Ugh, and there's that too. 'Oh, I'm Mario and I'm so good, let me help you cross the road, but first, I need to save this sick, orphaned Shyguy.' It's disgusting how everyone thinks he's so great; he doesn't even think for himself, he just does whatever he's told. If you pushed his buttons the wrong way, he'd probably just jump into a bottomless pit!"

"How dare you!" Peach shrieked. "You speak as though you have any right to comment! You are a regular nuisance, especially to the Mushroom Kingdom. You destroy things, harm people, and generally make life worse for every being with which you come into contact! You'll never be half the man that Mario is!"

Now, it was Bowser's turn to get upset. "Yeah, I destroy things, I shake things up, but it's because I have vision. Can your stupid plumber say that? That fat bastard doesn't have a vision for doing anything besides eating pasta. My minions are loyal and powerful and I don't owe you an explanation for my methods. So yeah, you're right. I'll never be half the man Mario is because I'm already three times the man he is. I'm the biggest, baddest Koopa around, and that's more than any man would ever dare hope to be. But, it doesn't matter, you'll see. When I get my hands on that plumber and end his game for good, you'll know who the better man is."

Shaking with rage Peach stood up and forcibly emptied her glass of wine, splashing the maroon colored liquid across his reptilian features. Saying nothing, she threw her glass to the marble floor and marched out of the room, slamming the heavy wooden doors behind her with a boom.

Bowser sat for a minute, stunned, with wine dripping from his soaked chin. To be honest, he hadn't expected that from Peach. Her cracked glass still had a bit of a mark left from where her lips ad touched it. Picking up the glass and carefully fingering the lip prints and the cracked edge, he grunted in frustration and shame.

_That probably could have gone better._


	5. Hot Under the Collar in Garnet District

**A/N: This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all my reviewers. You guys are awesome. It's been a while, hopefully this chapter will be worth the wait!**

* * *

Kamek walked, a skip in his step, with an old piece of paper in his hand. He ran his thumb across the wrinkled prescription paper as he shuffled down the corridor at a moderately fast pace. Kamek loved old paper; it reminded him so much of the old novels and spell books that used to keep him company as a schoolboy so long ago. He had been so lonely back then, but he had always loved traveling to new worlds through the simple magic of those musty, weathered pages. Of course, he was a great fan of the thinking Koopa's classics, but he had a special place in his heart for science fiction novels. Now, in the experience of his old age, he had found that the complex realities of alternate dimensions, time travel, and other common science fiction topics were usually far stranger in real life than the authors of those novels might have ever envisioned.

Rounding a corner, he reached a small, rather unassuming closet. He turned the well-polished brass handle of the door and opened up the musty compartment to find...nothing. Kamek adjusted his glasses, frowned, and peered into the empty darkness, as if expecting something to materialize from nothing. It would not be the first time something of the sort had happened.

Kamek pursed his lips in deep dissatisfaction. The minions knew better than to touch his things. Who would do such a thing? Jamming the prescription paper deep into the pocket of his robes, he pulled out his wand and started up a tracking beacon. The holographic map of the castle emanating from the tip of his wand bounced into view. To his dismay, no tracking beacon appeared. He shook his wand and tried again, to no avail.

Muttering darkly to himself, he pushed up his sleeves and conjured a summoning spell. Nothing. _Where the devil is it? _Kamek cursed his bad luck, the inadequacy of his spells, and whatever incompetent minion managed to place his belongings in such a place that they could not be retrieved. Then, smirking suddenly, he strolled over to Kammy's office where she sat, inside at her desk, slaving angrily over the pile of papers he sent earlier.

"I can't believe how long that lazy, harebrained, washed-up old geezer let this stuff go," she said. "His Majesty would have his shell for this! So tempting to tell His Grumpiness when he gets back from his vacation, but oh no, I _certainly _will not be taking the heat for that wrinkled, worthless sack of scales."

Kammy was so engrossed in stamping, signing, filing, reading, and generally managing paperwork she didn't even notice her colleague slip into her office and slink away with her prized broom. Admiring the craftsmanship of the long, wooden handle, Kamek noted to himself how smoothly the heist went. With one raised eyebrow, he concluded that the feminine pink and purple coloring at the end of the broom was not something that could be helped for the time being. After all, a magician should never attempt to enchant any person or object that is already enchanted. Mixing magics is for the ignorant and the desperate.

Without another thought about Kammy, Kamek gleefully rose into the air and was off.

* * *

Iggy shook his head as he rowed out to sea on his wooden fishing boat to seek sanctuary from Morton's never ending stream of blabber. From stories about how horrible Ludwig had been to him to requests for various kinds of assistance, the Koopaling was seemingly never out of things to talk about. With no other siblings around as possible buffers, Iggy had heard enough after just one day.

Readjusting his fishing cap over his green hair, he stopped rowing, anchored down a bit, and prepared to cast his line. The slow bob of the boat relaxed his muscles and eased his mind. He cast his line and waited, listening to the soft lap of the water against the edge of the boat.

He thought about his father. _I wonder if he's getting along with Mama Peach. _She did not look so pleased the last time he had seen her. He wondered if the Mario Brothers would find their way to their little fortress hideout and they would have to fight, just the three of them. Making a mental note to talk to Ludwig about a strategy, should such a thing occur, he put the thought out of his mind; it was just too disturbing. He missed his brother, Lemmy. More than just a brother, Lemmy was his very best friend, and he hoped he wasn't getting himself into too much trouble.

Lost amidst his thoughts, Iggy was quite surprised when his line suddenly jerked. A fish! Soon after he started reeling though, he realized, there was no fish on the other line; his hook was stuck!

"Oh for the love of Petey Piranha, I can't even catch one fish before my line gets stuck?" His hopes and dreams of having a dinner of fresh, roasted fish seemed to be dissipating by the moment. Frustrated, he jerked up on the rod, only to have it immediately break. With an exasperated scream, he leaned over the side of the boat and peered into the clear waters to see where his line had gotten snagged. Faintly, from somewhere below, he saw a familiar orange smile on the side of a familiar white cup.

Smiling deviously, he rowed back as quickly as he could to get some minion assistance. Tonight, he would have something far better than roasted fish; tonight, he would have a mechanical project and, if he played his cards right, by the end of the week, he could have a sweet new ride!

* * *

The three heroes squinted in the harsh sun of one of Opal Island's picturesque beaches. The rowdy night of eating and drinking had been a bit much, especially for Mario and Daisy, both of whom had splitting headaches and were ready to find a shady spot on the beach to take a bit of a nap.

"Lulu," Daisy groaned, "I need to go lie down for a bit."

Mario nodded in agreement.

"Oh, well can I get you two any water or anything?"

"No, just go look for clues about Peachy and give me a call if you find anything. I'll be right here, in the shade. Thanks sweetie."

Luigi walked away, happy that he was given an important job to accomplish all by himself! Never mind that he did not have the faintest clue where to start looking for clues.

He found himself walking along the waterline, running away from the tide when it came up to avoid getting his shoes wet, and then chasing it back down. He was barely paying any attention to where he was going until he almost ran into a decorated signpost. Looking upwards, he saw the sign read "Surfing Lessons". Under the sign was a yellow and white striped umbrella, and under the umbrella was a very bored looking surfing champion.

"Hey mate, you lookin' for some lessons?"

Luigi turned around and, noticing there was nobody behind him replied, "Who me?"

"Oh brother. Of course I mean you. Haven't you ever been surfing before?"

"Uh, no, never, but…"

"Well c'mon then, I don't have all day; get changed and I'll meet you in the water!"

Before Luigi knew it, he found himself paddling out on a beginner's board, wearing a pair of rented blue swim trunks.

Mick attempted to relay instructions, but it wasn't long before he found out Luigi was a hopelessly uncoordinated student.

"Crikey, why me?"

"Wh-what's wrong," Luigi stammered, out of breath from activity.

"Look mate, my house got taken over, then destroyed, and then I got knocked out by a big, nutty bloke who stole my plane and flew away with a beautiful girl. I says to myself 'Mickey, you've got some karma issues' and I set out to resolve that by givin' some free surf lessons, and along comes you!"

"Wow, that sounds rough; I'm really sorry! My brother is...I mean, _I'm_ really good at helping people out, maybe I can help you get your plane back?"

"No worries mate, it isn't your fault. I figure it's a lost cause anyhow. What do you say we go back for a pint or two and just try to forget about it?"

Back on dry land, Luigi entered the pub into a deafening cheer by Mick's fans.

"Hey Mick! The tape of the surfing competition finally got back, it'll blow your mind! Have a seat and tell your mate he can come watch too."

Mick just sighed and led Luigi over to the bar. Luigi was surprised to see Mario and Daisy already perched on the stools enjoying cold drinks. "Oh hi Lu, I tried to call you but you didn't pick up, so Mario and I decided we'd stop in for a drink."

Luigi shook his head incredulously. He was happy they were feeling better, but could not believe they would go off and have fun without him.

"Oh Luigi, don't pout, everyone knows pubs are prime sources for information."

As if upon cue, the little television screen at the bar flicked to life, and video of Peach's surfing performance popped onto the screen.

Mick scoffed, "There she is, the one who bamboozled me and flew my plane off to Topaz with that big, scaly yabbo."

With a determined smile, Mario ordered another round of drinks for himself and the surfing champion and settled in to collect information.

* * *

The streets of the Garnet district were grey and dusty in the late afternoon light. The district was mostly quiet, except for a few gentlemen in top-hats walking briskly from one place to another. It was as if the entire area was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen.

The royals rode in on Yoshis, riding most of the day in a very uncomfortable, angry silence. Earlier that morning, Peach had hoped with every fork in the road that her Yoshi would take a different route, a route that would take her away from the foul company of the Koopa King and back to her home; but, as the day wore on, she began to realize there was something desperately wrong and her hopes of escape began to dwindle. Now, as they neared their destination, Peach sat on her light blue Yoshi, lips pursed and arms folded tightly over her chest. Bowser looked over at her with indignation. _Why does she have to be this way?_

As the sun dropped below the horizon and the sky took on a glowing dusk, the large light bulbs that adorned every building began to pop on one by one, and more people trickled out into the streets, appearing ever stranger as the district became darker. At last, the Yoshis stopped in front of the largest building with the most and brightest lights, _Le Hotel Montmartre. _

Peach shuffled her dress, a gift from Queen Bella, as she dismounted. The bold red lace, famous from the Topaz Kingdom, wrapped her body tightly at the top and then blossomed out luxuriously at the bottom. The queen had been kind enough to provide an entire new bag of provisions for Peach, smiling mysteriously the entire time.

The Yoshis were more than happy to be rid of their sullen charges and bid farewell quickly. Avoiding eye contact with Bowser, Peach gathered her dress in her hands and quickly marched into the ostentatious hotel. The interior of the hotel was decorated lushly, with low lights, crystal chandeliers, and red velvet everything as far as the eye could see.

"Two rooms please," Peach told the receptionist curtly.

Equally coldly, the receptionist replied, "There will be no pets, _Mademoiselle_." She scoffed a little at Chompy, who stared back, seemingly unaware that anyone was talking about him.

Peach bent down and patted Chompy softly, "I'm sorry, but I have to stay here tonight."

Used to this routine, Chompy bounced off happily in search of treats or a playmate. As she rose, the receptionist dropped the keys on the desk in front of her. Peach turned on her heel toward Bowser and handed him his key with a scowl. Fatigued from travel and annoyed with her attitude, Bowser accepted his keys with a low growl.

"I'm going up to my room now. Goodnight," she said.

Half expecting him to stop her, she was surprised when he carelessly grunted and turned to let her go.

Called on her bluff, she stomped angrily down the hallway, passing all sorts of questionable guests on the way to her room. Upon entering her strangely low-lit room, she dropped her bag on the floor and collapsed on her bed, angry thoughts flooding her mind. _How dare he be so insensitive? He owes me an apology after all those awful things he said!_

After her long day of travel, she began to feel a shower might be in order. Wearily, she unzipped her bag, hoping to find some sweet smelling shampoo and perhaps comfortable pajamas. Instead, she was horrified to find the bag filled with lingerie and other various unmentionables. There were some with lace, others with straps, and some that looked so complicated, she wasn't sure on which part of the body they were intended to be worn!

Also inside the bag was a creamy envelope. Peach frantically grabbed the letter, shredding it open to determine the meaning of this outrage. In perfectly curved penmanship, the note card inside the envelope simply read, "Best of wishes to you and your new fiance. P.S. Your secret is safe with us."

_New...fiance? Oh...oh no...this isn't happening. _Peach looked around at the interior of her room, the sensual details, the low-lighting, the odd...hooks in the walls...just what kind of place WAS this? She clutched her hands tightly to her chest, as if trying to preserve her own modesty as she looked around at the implications of nearly every item in the room.

She buried the letter deep within her bag in utter disgust and zipped it shut, hoping she might never have to open it again. After some time, Peach looked out the window; it had finally gotten dark outside and the entire district was lit up like a carnival. Out on the street were several gentlemen walking along with scantily clad ladies of the night in their bright plumage and corsetry. Peach glanced another nervous look around the room and began to feel a certain creepy cabin fever sweep over her. Unable to stand being in this...dungeon for a second more, she marched out of the room and back down to the lobby.

In the hour or so that she had been absent, it seemed the lobby had transformed into a totally different place. Every corner was humming with activity as wealthy men were entertained by courtesans and drinks flowed freely. Peach felt like a lost child as she wandered amidst the crowd, feeling several eyes upon her. She looked for a sign of Bowser, anything familiar to ease her, but instead found more painted faces, beautiful but mocking her innocence and hungry eyes that seemed to devour her upon contact.

Her blue eyes widened as she rounded the corner and discovered the main showroom. A smorgasbord of noise, fancy cocktails, smoke, feathers, lace, jewels, silks, and satins of all colors. She clutched her hands together, as if trying to shield herself from the moral debauchery taking place before her very eyes. Then, she saw him, the Koopa King, surrounded by three lovely dancers, who clung to his arms, sat in his lap, and giggled licentiously at his every word.

Peach's nostrils flared and her cheeks flushed pink as she clenched her fists in fury. _How...dare...he? His children have gone missing and instead of making a plan to find them he is off consorting with these...these…_

Peach was not sure just what to call them, but she did not care for the way they draped their bodies over their gentlemen patrons and darted their eyes with promiscuous looks. In her mind, a lady should always be modest, virtuous, and refined; she should not seek to lure or tempt others with her private mannerisms.

Staring in disgusted disbelief, her ears caught the sound of a light jangle that gathered her attention. Whipping around, she saw a familiar pink polka-dotted bow tied to the back of Wendy O. Koopa, Bowser's only daughter. She wore a silken kimono gown and a bright pink wig to disguise her bald head. She walked quickly, clicking in her signature pink high heels towards a room.

"Wendy!" Peach shouted, but to no avail. The room was too crowded and noisy for the busy Koopaling to hear. Peach began to wildly push and elbow her way through the crowd with rushed apologies, earning her several dirty looks and more than a few inappropriate hand brushes. Steadfast in her goal, Peach followed the swiftly moving Koopaling until she disappeared behind a fabric screen that was blocked by a burly Shy Guy guard.

"I'm sorry no entry is permitted for any guest, performers only."

_Performers? Does that mean Wendy is...? Oh no. _

"Please sir, you don't understand, the girl that just walked in...she is a child!"

"Mademoiselle, I assure you that all of our performers are examined rigorously to ensure they meet qualifications of age."

"Sir, please, she is a missing person of great importance," Peach pleaded.

"I regret I cannot help you," the guard shook his head in an offhand way. "However, I am most sympathetic to the cause of a beautiful woman such as yourself. If you truly desire to enter this room, why not become a performer. It is the only way, no?"

Peach's eyes widened in disgust. _I could never…_

Just as she opened her mouth to say "no", out of the corner of her eye she caught sight again of Bowser and the courtesans, who were now pouring drinks, encouraging him to partake in as many costly beverages as possible. Peach's heart flared in a sudden burning anger. His only daughter was right here in this very hotel, perhaps in a dangerous situation, and he was busy cavorting with trollops.

Shaking with anger and uncertainty she gritted her teeth, suddenly emboldened by a feeling of duty. This time, she would save the princess, in a way only a woman could. She accepted the clipboard and pen from the guard with a curt nod. In a few moments, she was admitted behind the screen without so much as a question of her age.

The world backstage was chaotic and full of life. Girls of every race imaginable pushed one another helter-skelter to change into different costumes. Wigs, cosmetics, and prosthetics were cluttered on every surface and the air was thick with powder and hair products. Everywhere Peach looked there were girls in their underwear donning enhancements; fake hair, fake eyelashes, even fake rears. This was truly the meaning of smoke and mirrors.

Peach pushed through the hoards and stepped around the masses of fabric and shoes as best she could, trying frantically to find Wendy. Instead, she ran into a man, a short man with a red waistcoat, a top hat, and a long twisted mustache. He looked at her with an intense gaze.

"You are new, oui?"

"Um…"

"Follow me, dépêchez-vous."

The man lead her into a small closet with a strange, seemingly sourceless lighting that glowed like fire. "Sit."

Peach carefully sat down, eying her surroundings carefully. She wanted desperately to get back to find Wendy. The smell in the room was heavy and musty, like old clothes and dusty wood; it was almost hard to breathe. The man began to speak, but Peach found it hard to pay attention. The wooden interior was pulsing with that strange flickering light. The man's voice was low and hushed, mumbling something or other.

Peach began to drift out, her mind consumed with thoughts of finding the possibly endangered Koopaling. What if she could not find her after this meeting was over? The room began to get warmer. What if there was somebody doing something horrible to her right now? Peach shook her head; what was that strange buzzing noise? The heat, flickering light, smell, low buzzing, and intense, frantic thought began gradually overwhelming her senses.

After some time, Peach came to her senses. She ran her hands down her chilly body and realized her lovely red dress was gone, replaced by a flimsy garment of silk and lace that would be hardly suitable outside the bedroom. Instinctively, she grabbed a nearby silk robe to cover up. She could hear panicked voices and shouts down the backstage corridor. She quickly went to investigate.

"'E's becoming so difficult," cried one dancer.

"I cannot work under these conditions! He threw his drink at me!"

"Oh no, do not look at me! I will not be going; I still remember what happened with the last one!"

On the other side of the crowd of arguing women, Peach caught sight of Wendy. Peach carefully sneaked around the courtesans, to try to speak to Wendy.

"Wendy!" she hissed, "It's me, Peach. Your father is looking for you; we're here to rescue you!"

Wendy turned coldly to Peach, an odd, glazed look in her eyes. "Who are you calling Wendy? My name is Cherry!" She turned to the crowd. "I have an idea ladies," she started with a malicious smirk, "let's send in the new girl! She's not, like, as _tired _as the rest of us, right?"

Peach began to protest, but it was of no use. The buzzing noise washed over and around her and she began to drift out of consciousness.

Meanwhile, Bowser sat in a dimly lit room rubbing his temples. Those dumb bimbos had tricked him into one too many drinks after Peach had left and now he'd lost his room key, had no idea where to go, and knew Peach was still angry with him. Furthermore, he was no closer to finding his kids.

He roared aloud, "What am I doing in a place like this!" He banged on the door in front of the posh chair upon which he had been sitting. Unsurprisingly, it was locked and he had no idea how to get out. His head hurt, and he felt like he was letting everybody down.

When he slumped back on his chair, the door in front of him flew open. A dozen small hands pushed Princess Peach, in all her scantily clad glory into the dimly lit room. The door slammed and locked behind her and both Peach and Bowser stood paralyzed, staring wide-eyed at one another.

Quickly, Peach frantically jiggled the door handle trying to open it. Bowser could only gape and gasp; it was as if all of is dreams had been painted into reality, but strangely everything was totally wrong. It was like he was looking at something he was not supposed to be seeing.

Realizing the door was locked and there was no easy way out. Peach turned back to face Bowser petrified with fear and humiliation. The buzzing noise was gone and the details of her reality were painfully real. She immediately sunk to her knees and began crying and trying to cover herself.

If it were possible, Bowser's eyes got even wider and he quickly turned away, blushing furiously. He knew he was not at fault, but he felt like a huge jerk. He never should have let her walk away alone. He grasped around his plush throne for something and finally found a soft, cozy blanket. With one claw over his eyes and head turned in the opposite direction, he extended the blanket toward the crying princess, who gladly accepted.

Once she was covered, Bowser turned to her and whispered, "What happened to you?"

"I-I saw Wendy!" she cried. "She went backstage and I tried to stop her…"

Bowser's temper flared up. This disgusting place had his only daughter! Whatever they had done to persuade Peach to wear that ridiculous thing could easily be done to Wendy. They might even...

"Peach. We don't have any time to lose. We gotta find Wendy right now before something bad happens to her."

Peach nodded in agreement.

"C'mon, we're gonna bust in this door."

Bowser snatched Peach up, blanket and all, into his arms and held her closely, silently making a vow to not let her out of his sights again for the rest of their journey. He turned his spiked shell to the door and ran full-tilt backwards through the flimsy wooden thing, crashing into the backstage area.

The room was a panic of women and makeup and costume jewelry as everyone shrieked at the sudden entrance. Swiftly, a number a Fry Guys and Lava Bubbles floated down to surround the couple and the strange man in the Edwardian red coat came before them. He spoke with a nasty drawl, "Now, you know you should not be in here, _monsieur." _ He advanced upon them. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"We're not going anywhere," growled Bowser, equally nastily, "until you tell me where my daughter Wendy is."

"You must be mistaken, there is no Wendy here."

"Cherry!" screamed Peach. "She's calling herself Cherry!"

"Come away from that man, we have another engagement for you, my dear."

"No!" shouted Bowser, "stay away from her, you circus freak! Who do you think you are?"

"Who am I?" chuckled the man condescendingly. The lights lowered to extinguishment. The panicked women skittered out of the room. The Fry Guys and Lava Bubbles flared up as a single spotlight shone on the man. "I am...The Ringmaster!"

Bright colored lights began flashing wildly and the buzzing noise permeated the air. Peach tried her hardest to cover her ears. Bowser placed her gently on the floor, where she began to crawl past the racks of clothing to try to find Wendy.

Meanwhile, the Lava Bubbles began to float and surround The Ringmaster as he broke into some strange cabaret song accompanying music seemingly piped in from nowhere. "Oh yes The Ringmaster...OF DISASTER..."

"Oh shut up!" screamed Bowser, aiming a swift kick to The Ringmaster's front. "I hate musicals!" This brought the music to a temporary halt.

The Ringmaster got up, rubbing his gut. The piped-in music suddenly revved up to a fast-paced, dangerous tune. "Fry Guys, get him!" screeched The Ringmaster.

The flaming creatures quickly surrounded the Koopa and he got into stance, preparing for battle.

Meanwhile, Peach fled through the labyrinthine hallways of the backstage area, desperately seeking Wendy, the eerie music following the rhythm of her frantic footsteps. Sensing air resistance, Peach nearly tripped over herself as she noticed her boudoir ensemble had been magically replaced with a gold and pink dress, perfectly respectable for any heroine. _What is going on here?_

Another Fry Guy bounced off Bowser's shell in a futile attempt to damage him. Used to the heat, Bowser laughed mockingly, "C'mon, is that the best you got? Just last week I was taking a bath in a tub of lava! Let me show you how a real man makes fire!"

He sharply inhaled then puffed out a stream of orange fire, igniting a number of costumes. Perfume bottles exploded in the heat, sending piercing shrapnel flying across the dressing room. The automatic sprinklers turned on and steam clouded the room, dampening the fire enemies. Bowser squinted to find The Ringmaster. "Come out and fight coward!"

Peach skimmed her fingers across a dead end of a dark corridor. She was so frustrated! Who would build such a poorly designed structure? She was lost, and hadn't seen another living creature in ages.

In the silence, she noticed voices coming from overhead. She looked up and saw light streaming through the cracks of a circular opening in the ceiling. Climbing gingerly, she pushed the trapdoor open and popped out of the hole to find herself onstage, an audience of hundreds of wealthy patrons looking at her expectantly. Blushing hard, Peach screamed out, "Where is Wendy...Cherry?"

The performers stopped and gaped at her. The Magikoopas in charge of special effects coolly changed the lighting and the tempo of the music from their nest above the stage. A quick-thinking leading lady led the other performers in a sultry dance around Peach, to the latter's confusion. They warbled hauntingly in unison as they spun around her. "Peach...Peach...you shall never reach…"

The spinning dancers clustered around her in a dizzying chaotic whirl. From above, she could hear the high pitched buzzing noise. She clamped her hands over her ears and sunk to the ground. "Too...too weak...she shall never have...what she seeks..." Peach shook her head; it was too much.

Suddenly, a crashing noise at the back of the auditorium snapped her out of her hopelessness. The music, carefully crafted by the technicians above, turned triumphant. Chompy made his way to the stage with a boisterous "bark bark!"

The dancers on stage fled at the sight of the monstrous Chomp, who growled in return for being to close to his precious "owner". Peach gave Chompy a grateful pet, then turned her attentions upward. A bright light came shining from a crystal chandelier above and there, dangling on a rope, was Wendy Koopa, wailing in her best mix of screaming and melodic opera tones. It was all quite dramatic.

Smoky steam flooded the stage as Peach scrambled to look for a way to the top of the stage. The audience clapped at the sight of these new performers engaged in such a _realistic _and _passionate _performance. It was one thing to come to the cabaret expecting to see some sort of titillating debauchery; but it was quite another to witness fine art in the making, hopefully with a bit of debauchery here and there to keep the mood.

The Ringmaster tumbled onto the stage in a blast of smoke and Bowser advanced on him shortly thereafter. Peach, meanwhile, had located the sandbag counterweight on the ground that kept Wendy suspended in the air.

"What did you do with my daughter, you scum?" bellowed the Koopa King.

"Behold!" cried The Ringmaster, gesturing upwards.

"Why you…" Bowser lunged toward The Ringmaster, who dodged expertly and a fight scene was briefly underway.

Peach clutched her hands together in worry, he head volleying back and forth with every blow. Not content to watch as others battled in front of her, Peach caught sight of a sword prop on the side of the stage. Making a sudden dash, she grabbed the sword and set to work on sawing the rope holding Wendy in the air.

"Victory shall be miiiiine!" sang The Ringmaster, punishing Bowser with the crack of a flaming whip, "The stars hold no love for such a dirty swine!"

Bowser leaped and dodged expertly. Completely enthralled by the heat of the moment, he sang in response, "Not a chance...I'll burn your paaaaants!"

Peach momentarily stopped sawing at the rope to stare at the Koopa King, who had his claw firmly placed over his mouth, allowing The Ringmaster a chance at an easy strike. Bowser narrowed his eyes. This battle had obviously gone on for too long.

Meanwhile, Chompy was amusing himself chasing about the Lava Bubbles, his vertical leap not quite enough to get the little flames in his gaping mouth. Feeling the tension of the battle climax hanging in the air, he turned around and came to Bowser's side. Bowser noticed him and the lights around grew dim until most of the light provided was that of the Lava Bubbles. The audience leaned forward anxiously and squinted at the stage to see what was about to happen. A fake sound of thunder rippled through the auditorium. In her nervousness, Peach sawed faster at the last bit of rope holding Wendy.

Bowser glared and put on his most heroic voice, "Ringmaster! This ends now!" He grabbed Chompy's chain, and whirled the (delighted) creature overhead. With perfect aim, he lobbed the black metal ball straight toward The Ringmaster, bowling him entirely off the stage where he landed unconscious with a crash.

The crowd went wild as the lights returned to the stage and Peach finally managed to snap the last strands of rope holding the Koopa Princess. Because of the discrepancy in weight, Peach was pulled upwards as Wendy softly fell to the stage where she was caught by her father and set gently to the floor.

The Koopas bowed at the applause, while Peach clung to the wooden rafter above. She gathered her resolve and pushed herself to grasp the sturdy stage chandelier. She gestured to the stage hands above and, with the performance already completely improvised at this point, they flipped a switch causing the crystalline structure to lower gracefully.

The loud applause was renewed as Peach touched her feet to the ground. She gave a quick, embarrassed bow, and then marched off stage, where Chompy was waiting to be praised.

Offstage, they were also met with some other, much less pleased parties. The Garnet Fire Marshal, several insulted performers, and the owner of the hotel were all standing about, their arms folded across their chests.

After being kicked out of _Le Hotel Montmartre, _the four found lodging for the night in a small studio apartment in a cozy windmill with a single window overlooking the district lights. Peach fed Chompy while Wendy carried on dramatically.

"Oh Daddy, it was like, so horrible. There was a bright light, and then I was put in a bag! I could hear Ludwig, like, yelling something and Larry was crying. Then, that man with the totally tacky mustache made this weird sound and I, like, can't remember anything until you and Mama Peach showed up."

Peach felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as she listened to the story. _Hypnotism. _Peach knew all about hypnotism, she had been hypnotized before and it was not a good feeling.

"We still need to find Junior, Larry, Roy, and Lemmy," Bowser muttered quietly. "Do you think you can get back to the castle from here?"

"Sure thing, Daddy-o. I'll go, like, totally undercover and just hop the train to Emerald."

Bowser stretched himself and let out a huge yawn. His eyes lingered on Peach awkwardly before he lowered them to his feet. "Well I'm gonna hit the hay. G'night."

Peach watched as he curled up in his little corner of the studio, still and silent. Eventually, Wendy and Chompy also dozed off, but Peach was having trouble sleeping. She sat in her chair, peering out the window at the bright lights below, a flickering candle to keep her company.

Exhausted and drained, she worried about the Mario Brothers. Were they ever going to find her? How would she get home? She missed her kingdom; Toadsworth would be a wreck if he knew all that she had been through. She looked at the Koopa King and sighed; he was sleeping peacefully on the floor with a slight snore coming from his direction.

As minutes turned to hours, a bright headline from one of Wendy's gossip magazines caught her eye. She reached forward and gingerly plucked the magazine from the table. _Queen Tatiana and King Onisim split over mysterious appearance of foreign child!_

Peach gasped and checked the date of the issue. It was only a couple days old. She clutched the magazine to her chest and climbed into her bed, pulling the covers up around her chin. It was uncomfortable to sleep in her dress, but it was far better than the alternative. She closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep. She had a feeling it would be another full day of travel tomorrow.


	6. A Cold Reception in Alexandrite Kingdom

**A/N: Massive chapter alert! 27 pages, 10,000 words. I've been incubating this forever, and I'm sorry about that. Hopefully the quality is all there. Do yourself a favor and Google 'St. Basil's Cathedral' and look at it for a few minutes if you want to know what the Alexandrite Castle looks like. It's just too amazing to be described.**

* * *

The cool, lapis colored silk slid easily between Kamek's dry, scaly fingers. He hadn't meant to take his time shopping, but now that he was already at the mall, he could hardly resist the allures of the various stores. Already, he had stopped at Koopabon and enjoyed a sugary, spicy snack, the residue of which had ever so slightly transferred from his hands to the robe in question.

Kamek peered at the robe in intense scrutiny. It wasn't but last week the old hag had made fun of his threadbare robes. _She said they were unfashionable. Pah! My robes are classic! What does that old witch know about style?_ Kamek had always been a dapper gentleman in his youth, and had enough pride to believe it was still the case. Nonetheless, he found himself searching for some additional element in his robe besides the usual criterion of "highly flame-retardant".

With a self-satisfied smirk, Kamek made his way to the counter with his intended purchase before coming to an abrupt halt. He had forgotten his primary coin wallet at home. His last few coins were spent on that Koopabon.

An icy sensation of thrill gripped his chest as he jammed his hand into the pocket of his robes, tenuously fingering the smooth edges of the Royal Family's expense card. It would have been simple enough for him to summon his coins from their current location but this was so much more exciting. _Well, His Majesty would truly hate to have his reputation tarnished by having improperly dressed employees; I don't see any reason why I should have to pay for that sort of vanity. I'm sure accounting will just figure it's another one of Princess Wendy's expenditures. Well, who cares anyhow, there is no accountant; I'm the only person who has dared to look at the Royal Family expense report for years._

"That'll be 300 coins," squeaked the Mouser behind the counter. "Will that be debit or credit?"

Kamek grinned brightly. "Credit."

* * *

Wendy O. Koopa adjusted her ultra-fashionable red, sparkly, horn-rimmed, non-prescription "reading glasses" as she prepared to get back to "serious business".

The train to Emerald moved swiftly through the rolling countryside, billowing jets of smoke and steam. Princess Wendy gave a withering look to a travelling vagabond who looked as if he might try to sit in her largely unoccupied seating area. Hardly suppressing a sniff, she turned to her paperwork.

Being daughter of the absolute ruler certainly had its perks when it came to career options. At her young age, she was already a lead columnist for Koopa Couture Magazine, publishing monthly selections of the dos and don'ts of celebrity fashion, makeup and hair advice for women with far too much time on their hands, as well as a miscellaneous advice column. She was most famous for her waffling stance on Princess Peach as a fashion icon.

Wendy sneered at the paper letter in front of her; everyone who was anyone knew that today's form of communication came in the form of a text message. However, when she discovered the sender was male, her expression made a complete 180. _Oh, a handwritten letter, he must, like, be the romantic type._

"Wendy,

There is a girl, a really pretty girl. More pretty than the stupid models in your dumb magazine, and I want her to like me. But she's so pretty and nice, I say dumb things around her and sometimes I make her cry.

Am I doomed?

-X"

Pulling a crisp sheet of white paper from her bag, Wendy found her very best pink-ink pen and drafted her response:

"Dear Clueless,

Of course you are doomed. Every girl has heard a thousand times that she is "nice" and "pretty". To her, you are probably nothing but a total geek.

Try being a little more creative; take her for a midnight picnic and tell her that the way her eyes look in the moonlight reminds you of that totally romantic scene in _Don't Look At Me, _when Karrissa says that she'll stay by her lover's side even though she just found out he's really a shape-shifting Boo.

Don't worry about making her cry, that mean she cares enough about what you think that maybe you're not a complete loser in her eyes.

Fabulously yours,

Wendy O. Koopa"

Wendy gently massaged the cramp out of her hand. The last time she had handwritten so much in a single occasion was for school. _They totally aren't paying me enough to do this. _

Satisfied with her work, she neatly slid the letter into the envelope, turning it over to address it.

_What the—this letter is going back to the castle? I wonder who wrote it…_

* * *

The rain fell in torrents as the Daisy and Luigi sat cramped up inside the inn.

"I hate this place!" growled Daisy, collapsing on the bed.

"Hey, it's not so bad, we just have to wait until Mario gets back and says where to go next.

Daisy stood up and looked out the window dismally. From there, she could see Mario's red silhouette. He appeared to be helping a citizen repair her window, broken in the Ukiki attack. She glared at Luigi.

"Ah," he stuttered, "on second thought, we might be here for a while."

"Senor, Senor," cried a little Goomba, "puede ayudarme a encontrar a mi gato?"

The plumber in red nodded happily at the child and ran off in search of the lost animal.

Daisy growled, "I don't get you guys. Don't we have a job to do? We don't have time for this stuff!"

"Daisy, Mario's done this many times. He has his ways."

The soaking kitten clawing up his arm, Mario returned the pet for his reward: a shiny red coin. If Mario knew anything about red coins, he knew where there was one, there'd be seven more in the surrounding area. He took off like a rocket, looking behind garbage cans and climbing to the roofs of various buildings as Daisy looked on in horror and frustration.

"C'mon Lu, we're going outside. Mario may have his ways, but I've got mine."

* * *

Peach shifted uncomfortably for what felt like the millionth time that trip. The train to Alexandrite was long and plodding, filled with multiple stops and less than ideal sleeping conditions. Bowser was sitting next to her, snoring stoically as the train bumped and jostled its way down the tracks. _If only I were so lucky._

Homesickness gripped her uneasy mind as she wrung her hands in her lap. _Everyone must be so worried. I hope Mario is all right…I wonder if he got my letter. It feels so awful to worry like this…I can't believe this happened again! _ She glanced over at Bowser's sleeping figure. _I guess…it must feel terrible to be missing your children. I…I hope they're all right too._

Peach rose slowly, taking a few coins from her travel sack and leaving the passenger compartment. The noise of the door awoke the Koopa King and he immediately noticed the absence of Princess Peach. He initially flooded with a split second of panic, his mind filled with thoughts of Peach attempting to jump off the train to get away from him. Then, a quietly chiding rationality came to him and said it was far more likely that she may have just gone to the restroom. He took a deep breath. _Okay, I'll wait five minutes and if she isn't back, I'm going looking._

A tense three minutes passed with Bowser becoming increasingly agitated. His leg bobbed up and down as he jiggled his foot and twiddled his thumbs. Finally, Peach appeared in the doorway with two steaming cups, some breakfast pastries in napkins, and a tired expression. Bowser breathed a sigh of relief.

"Long line," she muttered. "Here."

Bowser looked down at the brownish liquid in the cup. Tea. Bowser managed a grimacing smile as he waged a war within. The Koopa King hated tea, but this tea was tea from Peach, so he had to drink it. He almost wanted to. He shakily brought the cup to his lips, waiting until Peach looked up at him so she could see him drinking it, then he wouldn't have to do it again.

Peach looked up and Bowser swallowed the tea in one hot gulp, the way one might take a shot of unpleasant liquor. He placed the cup down firmly, as if in victory.

Peach carefully blew on her tea and took a small sip. Curling up with the blanket provided by the train, she heaved a great sigh and opened up Wendy's gossip magazine and found the article about Bowser's son, mindlessly munching away on a pastry. She looked pale.

"What's wrong?" Bowser asked the princess.

Peach lifted her head to meet Bowser's concerned amber eyes searching hers. She answered truthfully, "I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights, too many things to worry about." _I don't know how Mario does it, go on adventures all the time, never sure if he'll be able to come back home. Of course, even Mario doesn't have to travel with…_

"We've got a long way to go, you should sleep on the train."

"I tried that, I couldn't get to sleep because of all the bumping around."

Bowser smirked. "Stand up," he commanded.

Peach looked at him in sleepy confusion. He returned her look with an impatient stare. After Peach stood up, Bowser beamed brightly and started moving blankets and luggage strategically, pulling makeshift pillows out here and there. Peach sipped her tea and finished off her breakfast pastry as she watched in silence.

Bowser hummed a little to himself as he put the finishing touches on his little cot. In his younger years, Bowser had been such an atrocious brat that blanket cots were practically little shrines to the Stars, wishing that the young prince might sleep on long journeys instead of cause a ruckus. Similarly, comfy blanket beds were a staple on current Koopa Royal Family trips.

Bowser presented the little bed with pride. Peach gave a small smile as she snuggled in. "Thank you."

"I also make great blanket forts!" he boasted.

Peach chuckled a little in response, already succumbing to the lures of comfortable sleep.

Bowser watched with tender eyes, feeling sleepy again just looking at the tired princess. "You know Peach, it's cold where we are going," he yawned, "We should get you a jacket or something…when we get there…"

A heavy breath of sleep was the only response he heard before he drifted back into peaceful slumber.

The train arrived at the snow-covered station and blew hot steam as it slowed to a halt. The royal duo stepped carefully onto the platform, which crunched with rock salt beneath their feet. Peach couldn't suppress a shudder when the cold air met her skin.

Bowser swiftly scooped up their combined luggage. He pointed to the duty-free shop just inside the station. "Peach, go in there and find something warm to wear. I'm going to get our ride into the main part of kingdom." _And don't run off, _he stopped himself from saying. "We'll meet back here in 20 minutes…stay safe."

As Bowser wandered off to find transportation, Peach entered the brightly lit store. _Stay safe? _She looked around. The area certainly didn't look dangerous. The store was populated by a number of female travellers, contemplating designer perfumes, novelty souvenirs, and last-minute forgotten toiletries.

In a flash, a shimmering cloak of heavy, dark pink velvet caught Peach's eye. It had a lovely fur trim all around, and an extra large hood that made her look a little like a white lion. It was perfect! She also picked up a pair of mukluks; heels are not ideal for icy conditions. Up at the counter, a pretty display held a number of tinted lip balms. _Cold weather can be so drying. I guess it couldn't hurt. _Peach picked the light pink one, Strawberry Vanilla Cake, before handing over the coins for her overpriced goods. She stopped briefly in the doorway of the shop as she considered a deep green scarf for Bowser, but quickly abandoned it when she noticed Bowser waiting impatiently outside.

"What took so long? Is everything okay?"

"Um, everything is fine," Peach started slowly, "I had to find the right size shoe." _What's that all about? He sounded just like Toadsworth…_

Bowser felt increasingly protective over his princess. After what happened in Garnet, he could not afford to be so careless with her. After all, he was already missing his children; it would be too much to lose Peach too. He sighed as he thought of the Koopalings back in Emerald. It's not like he could keep an eye on them from here. Eight people were just too many to protect!

Sometimes, Bowser wished he could send Peach back to Emerald, to keep her out of harm's way. But he reminded himself that the safest place in the world was by his side. In addition, it was some comfort to him to have the princess nearby.

Tightly bundled Yoshis stood at the front of a large sleigh, ready to pull. Bowser motioned and Peach gingerly took a seat on the conveyance. The sleigh gave a large tilt as Bowser swung his weight to board and nestled into the seat. Peach tried to make as much room as she could, but she couldn't help but feel his thigh through the fabric of her dress and cloak.

"Alexandrite Castle," grunted the Koopa King.

"Yoshi Yoshi!"

The sleigh started with a jerk and slowly gained momentum. The sun struggled to peek from the snow-filled clouds above, occasionally sending its beams down, turning the Alexandrite landscape into a radiant wonderland. Red and brown birds flitted through the snow-covered trees, while little brown hares foraged for greens on the ground.

Peach shivered with the wind and pulled the complementary blanket over her chest and torso. Bowser folded his arms to keep his heat in.

"Miserable place, isn't it?" muttered the Koopa King. "It's winter three-quarters of the year here, and a damn cold summer otherwise."

Peach smiled, the frosty wind whipping her cheeks to a bright pink. "Actually, I kind of like it. It's…refreshing."

Soon, the passing trees turned into passing houses made of wood and stone with roofs buried in multiple layers of snow. Charming little houses decorated with evergreen branches and ever-flowing columns of smoke from the chimneys. Peach leaned to look out of the sleigh in delight as she saw Bumpty lumberjacks hauling a huge tree back to their village. The smell of smoke and pine was delicious on the cool, crisp air.

By the time they reached the palace, it was high noon and the sun had broken through the clouds entirely, bathing the winter white streets in glorious light. The Kremlin itself was imposing in its magnificence. The structure was topped with several onion-shaped domes, each colorfully gilded in bright reds, blues, whites, greens, and gold. The dramatically tall Gothic steeples were softened by tiny gold domes at the top and intricately carved reliefs, which trickled all the way down the roofs and sides of the walls. On either side of the grand central palace were much shorter living quarters, which seemed to stretch out for miles. The courtyard in front of the palace was decorated with dozens of copper statues depicting heroes of the past as well as the most revered (and notorious) politicians of Alexandrite. All was enclosed by an imposing wrought iron gate, which was surrounded by guards in furry brown hats and little black boots.

The guards bowed deeply as Bowser disembarked and strolled toward the gate. "Lord Bowser! His Majesty has been expecting you!"

_Expecting us? _Peach clasped her hands politely in front of her as they entered the gates, passing the meticulously pruned bushes, which were covered in snow, as well as the somber statues which, heated by internal mechanisms, were not. They passed around the central fountain, which upon closer inspection was nothing more than an ice sculpture and into the cathedral-like doors of the main palace chamber.

"Please wait here while I summon His Majesty."

Peach's mukluks padded softly on the mosaic floors of white marble. A blazing fire raged softly from behind the glass of a gilded fireplace, providing heat for the otherwise chilly castle. Round oil lamps with various colored flames floated in midair, with no regard for the laws of physics, casting their collective rainbow glow upon the white and gold walls, playing with the vine-like carvings covering every surface.

"How do you…know this place?" Peach asked.

"King Onisim and I had…some interaction a few years back. The resources of this land were of some interest to the Darklands. It was…so fortunate…that we were able to negotiate a deal," Bowser gloated, shooting Peach a huge grin.

Peach gulped. No matter how good he was at making blanket cots, she shouldn't forget that Bowser was still Bowser, ruthless and mean.

"Lord Bowser," called Onisim, in a tired, somber sounding voice. "I have been expecting you."

"Onisim."

He cast his weary eyes on Peach, unconsciously weighing in his mind if it was good or bad for his kingdom that she was here. "I believe congratulations are in order, on the good fortune of your nuptials."

Peach went red and opened her mouth to contest the whole Count Bleck thing was a sham. Bowser raised his hand to interrupt her and oozed a satisfied "Thank you."

Peach bowed her head and pursed her lips tightly, her cheeks burning. Did half the world really believe she was wed to Bowser? What was worse, Bowser himself propagated that lie!

"Well then, you know why I'm here," growled Bowser. "Hand over my kid."

"Oh, that I wish you were here under happier circumstances, sir. I know you are pragmatic and like to get to the heart of the matter quickly, but perhaps this…rather personal concern is better shared in the privacy of my study? Of course, Her Majesty is welcome to join us as well."

Bowser grunted affirmatively in reply. _I sense crap._

Inside the private study, King Onisim poured a milky white beverage into tall tumblers for himself and the guests. "A national tradition," he explained to Peach with a gracious smile.

"As you know, Queen Tatiana and I have struggled in vain for years to bear children…"

Peach shuddered to think of their "struggles". From the magazine she had seen that Queen Tatiana was a beautiful, pink-skinned Bumpty, while King Onisim was a slightly withered, middle-aged human. _I wonder it that has something to do with it, _Peach mused with uncharacteristic disgust.

"…And when your child appeared in our kingdom, she was simply overjoyed. I, of course, knew he must return to you. It took some doing, but I nearly had her convinced…"

Peach took a sip of her beverage and nearly gagged. It tasted like a mixture of cream, coffee, and rocket fuel. Her eyes watered as it burned the back of her throat and crept up into her sinuses.

"…An awful conjurer from the Amber Holy Lands appeared at the castle and spoke with my beautiful wife. He convinced her if she brought the child in sacrifice to the Cathedral of the Holy Stars on Mount Chrysoberyl that the Stars would grant her the ability to have her own child. I fear it may be too late…"

"So why hasn't anyone tried to stop her?" roared Bowser.

"It's not so simple. Everyone in Alexandrite knows the Cathedral of the Holy Stars is no place for mortals. It is forbidden. As head of the church in Alexandrite, I must not command any troops to go after Her Royal Highness. The whole mountain is sacred, there are no Sherpa to guide us, only ancient maps."

"How long ago did she leave?" Peach contributed.

"She left the castle four days ago, but she had to first purify herself and the child in the name of the church before she would attempt the mountain. Nobody must know that she is to ascend the mountain, it is a national disgrace!"

"We're going to climb that mountain too," growled Bowser.

"You mustn't! It's forbidden! To do so will invoke the wrath of the Stars!"

Peach cleared her throat and spoke, "Please, you must allow us. Surely the Stars would understand that we mustn't allow atrocities to occur on holy land. Who knows the motivations behind this false pretender with Her Majesty the Queen. You must allow us to help her."

"Good point, Peach. C'mon Onisim, you're the head of the church, make an exception."

"I see that I cannot stop you. In that case, please take this map, an ancient relic of the Alexandrite Kingdom. Your timing is fortunate; so close to the pole of the planet our days around this time of the year last twice as long as your average day. You will have plenty of daylight to begin your journey tomorrow."

"We're going today."

"Wh-what? Unthinkable! We have no knowledge of how long it will take to reach the Cathedral."

"Look Old Man, your darling wife is about to sacrifice my kid, and I'm gonna be there to do something about it."

"Please…whatever you do…don't bring any harm to Tatiana. She is afflicted with the madness of one who has pined for so long."

"Don't worry, Your Highness," Peach assured, "We will do everything we can to return your wife safely to this castle."

Outside, King Onisim shuddered as he watched Peach and Bowser step onto the holy trail of Mount Chrysoberyl. As they disappeared into the distance, he reached into his clock pocket to find a radio. "Time to say goodbye to Moose and Squirrel."

* * *

Bowser trudged up the hill, grumbling all the way. _I can't believe this; I should have taken over this stupid kingdom years ago. Look at this crappy map, there is no way to know how far it is until we reach the stupid star place. And my feet hurt from all this snow. I hate snow. When I find that stupid queen—_

A swiftly flying snowball to the snout quickly interrupted Bowser's thoughts. He looked around, his narrow eyes blazing, but he saw only Peach staring at him with her lips pursed and her hands on her hips.

"What was that for!"

"I can't believe you told King Onisim we're married!" Peach huffed.

"We are married!"

"No we're not, stop saying it."

"Hey listen, these people have some weird customs. They think I have kids because I'm married. If they find out that's not the case, they'll think I'm unfit to be king!"

Peach smirked, "Since when do you care who thinks you're fit to be king?"

Bowser concealed his own smile, "True, but did you consider that having control over the Mushroom Kingdom makes me even more threatening? I had to make that penguin-loving geezer let me onto this mountain."

Peach nearly laughed out loud, knowing that she had just won. "So, you're saying that you're not threatening enough on your own? You need my help? You've changed Bowser."

Bowser's eyes widened; she had got him. He swiftly seized her tightly by both arms and ran her body up against a tree. He narrowed his eyes as he stuffed his face directly into hers. "Careful there, Princess," he said, a low growl in his throat.

Peach's eyes frantically searched his face for a sign of whether he was joking or not, her pupils dilated with fear.

Bowser released her with a hearty laugh. "Oh man, I've still got it. You should have seen the look on your face; you were terrified! You were…hey…"

Peach cast her eyes down and rubbed her arms where he had grabbed her just a little too hard. Fighting back tears, she choked out, "It wasn't funny, Bowser."

"Hey, yes it was, because you said—"

"I said it wasn't funny!"

Bowser's stomach flipped when he saw little tears in her eyes. Maybe it wasn't funny. Instantly, he felt incredibly guilty as he saw her sulking behind him, rubbing the sore spots on her arms. He bit his tongue and furrowed his brows.

"It wasn't funny, I'm…" he gulped, it had been so long he'd nearly forgotten how to say it, "sorry."

Peach looked up, not sure she had ever heard the Koopa King apologize before. "Don't worry about it. Just…don't betray my trust like that. I don't want to be all alone with someone…dangerous." Peach had spoken without thinking, and after hearing the words come out of her mouth, felt ridiculous. She had been kidnapped by the enemy of her people and was now asking him not to betray her trust.

Bowser wanted to shoot back that of course he was dangerous, the most dangerous thing on the mountain probably, but something struck him that he should remain apologetic for the time being. She said she had trust in him! He didn't even know he had her trust and he was already misusing it. Sensing an awkward silence, Bowser shuffled and declared, "Of course I'm trustworthy. I'm probably the most trustworthy thing on this mountain. You can…always count on me."

Peach turned around and shot him a look that she thought looked like a skeptical "can I?" To Bowser, it looked a little more like a weary "Can I? Please?" His stomach knotted in anticipation; he couldn't wait to show her just how dependable he could be.

Peach cleared her throat and turned her attention to the recently falling snow. The light flakes caught the sunlight and glittered bright silver. "Oh, how pretty!" exclaimed Peach. "It's like we're returning heroes coming home to a great parade, like the ones I sometimes have for Ma—ushroom Kingdom elite guards," Peach corrected, not wanting to stir up any more trouble. She marched and spun around in the pretty sparkles, which dotted her hair and stuck to her cloak.

Bowser smiled as he watched the sight. The "pretty" flakes felt like a tiny splash of hot water any time they hit his scales, but the cold-blooded Koopa King did not complain. His feet already felt like they were on fire and about to fall off.

Trees became denser as they traveled up the mountain. The sun had barely changed position, but the whole mountain had become darker as clouds rolled in and snow fell more heavily. Now, the snowfall was a bit more like a constant fuzzy white blanket of wet. Bowser's limbs ached, but he knew he must continue. Peach merely put up her hood and tightened it against the cold.

The going did not get easier the further they went into the mountain forest. The terrain became steeper and the snow thicker and more difficult to traverse. A bitter wind had kicked up, bringing in colder temperatures and drier snow. When the wind was at its heaviest, the innocent little snowflakes suddenly became vicious ice shards tearing at Peach and Bowser's skins. Snow was dumped in swirling, dangerous sheets now, and fog made it hard to see beyond one's own fingertips. Bowser had become delirious with cold and pain, but did not let on to Peach, who was now trailing slightly behind him as she struggled to climb though the snow in her heavy cloak.

Even Peach's cheeks stung as she panted heavily up the hill. Paranoid of losing him, she grasped on to the side of Bowser's shell to help pull herself on top of the hill. He reached back and grabbed her hand, and she was surprised how icy it was. She squinted to look at Bowser's face, but it was pale and grim and no longer had the warm, regal disposition she was used to seeing.

No sooner had she taken a peek at his face then the great Koopa King succumbed to the freezing temperatures. He collapsed face first into the stinging snow, sliding forward somewhat down the other side of the hill.

Peach screamed, but the snow was so insulating that the sound didn't travel far. The only noise to be heard was the howling wind rushing through the wildly thrashing trees. Peach tried her best not to cry; wet tears would only make for stinging ice on her already damaged face. She had nobody to turn to for help, and if she left Bowser out in the cold for much longer, he would surely die.

Peach made her best effort to push him forward, down into this valley on the other side of the hill. Bowser's mass and the thick snow impeded her efforts considerably, as snow piled up around Bowser's face. Peach looked around desperately. In the foggy distance, she thought she could see a little rest cottage. Renewed with sudden hope, she pushed Bowser harder toward the direction of the cottage. Bowser hardly budged.

"Please please please," she begged, willing Bowser's frame to move faster. She was unable to stop the tears free flowing down her face. She reached for the clasp of her cloak and undid it, exposing the rest of herself to the elements. She knelt in the snow to tuck the cloak under Bowser as much as possible. Once Bowser was on the cloak satisfactorily, she grabbed both corners of the bottom and pulled with all her might. Bowser moved more than he otherwise would have.

Peach took a deep breath and pulled twice more, her body becoming numb with cold. Miraculously, the snow under her feet turned became slick ice as they neared the cottage. Peach slid Bowser to the threshold and opened the unlocked door with her freezing fingers. Closing the door behind her shut out nearly all sounds of the storm. She did her best to drag Bowser's frozen body to closer to the wood stove, but it was nearly impossible given her current condition.

The entire cabin was dark and grey; it appeared to have been vacant for a while. "Hello?" Peach called weakly. As expected, there was no response. The cabin consisted of a living area, with a large wood stove next to a kitchen and a bedroom and bathroom in the back.

_I must make a fire. _Peach picked up some logs and hastily threw them into the wood stove. She spied a pile of newspaper to use as kindling. _These…these are from 60 years ago… _Peach felt guilty to be burning such historic papers, but as of now, her survival was on the line.

Peach lit a match and quickly lit the paper, which flared up and quickly died out. _No! _She blew on the paper to no avail. She lit another match, only to have the same thing occur. _Please! _Her fingers trembling, she lit a third match, and carefully lit the paper under the logs, blowing softly. She had never had to build a fire before, and these were dire circumstances in which to learn. Luckily, the fire caught, if only a little. Peach stretched her arms toward the tiny flame until her fingers uncurled themselves.

She glanced back at Bowser, who was still unconscious. She found a blanket on the couch and threw it over the Koopa King. At least it looked like he was still breathing. Peach opened up her backpack and found her alternate set of clothes. Behind the closed bedroom doors she discarded her wet things, carefully laying them out to dry.

She grabbed the comforter off the queen-sized bed and made her way over to the wood stove area. The fire had picked up slightly and cast its weak glow over the living area. Peach gently bent down to check Bowser's pulse. _Still there. _Her eyelids becoming heavy, she curled up on the stiff couch, pulled the comforter tightly around her and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Bowser awoke first, his body still aching, but movable. _What is this place? _Looking around at the wood structure, it looked to be an empty cabin. "Pathetic," he spat at the fire, which was little more than a candle sized flame and some glowing embers. He noticed the pile of burnt matchsticks next to the stove then turned to see Peach sleeping on the couch and instantly felt bad for unwittingly criticizing her efforts.

Heating up his throat was painful, but he managed to spit out enough flame to rekindle the fire properly as he reached around with the poker and restructured the logs to burn better.

His stomach rumbled loudly, prompting him to amble over to the kitchen. The cupboards were mostly bare with only a few containers of grains, aged spices, and other dry goods. He was about to give up with his stomach growled again with an accompanying sharp pain.

Bowser grudgingly grabbed a metal pot and put some water in it. He opened a jar of oats and roughly tossed some in. He had never had to cook for himself before and these were dire circumstances in which to learn. He placed the oats on top of the wood stove to let them heat up. Meanwhile, he grabbed a bottle of liquor from another cabinet and downed a bit enjoying the pseudo-warming effect of alcohol on the throat.

Bowser sat at the end of the couch where Peach's tiny feet were. The shifting weight on the couch was enough to stir Peach awake. She opened her eyes to see the fire blazing in the wood stove. _Hey, my little fire got pretty big. _Feeling proud of herself, she glanced over and noticed Bowser was gone for his previous location. She spun to see him on the end of the couch and cried out, "Bowser! Are you alright?"

Bowser replied with a grunt as Peach threw her arms around him. He tensed in panicky delight, but the warmth spread by her sudden gesture was quickly removed, as she withdrew herself nervously. "Sorry…I thought you were going to…"

"I'm fine," he grunted breathlessly, wishing she'd try that just one more time. "How did we get in here?"

Peach put a hand through her damp hair. "You passed out, so I had to drag you through the snow. Luckily, this cabin was here. I was so worried…I thought I was going to be up here all by myself."

Bowser looked at Peach, impressed she could drag his hulking form anywhere. Suddenly, he remembered why he was here in the first place. "Peach, I gotta go back out there. My kid might be stuck in the storm with some crazy woman!"

"Bowser…you can't. Look at how dangerous it is out there."

Bowser stood up quickly, grimacing at the pain in his joints. "I don't have a choice. If you were a parent, you'd understand."

Peach got up and swiftly moved between him and the door. "Bowser, please. I can't let you go back out there alone. You could die! I'm sure your son is inside the cathedral by now, and if not, how would you find him? It would already be…too late. Please sit down…" She put her hand delicately on his carapace and pushed him backwards toward the couch.

Bowser sank in defeat and put his head in his hands. "But…"

Peach looked at the oats over the wood stove. _There's not enough water in this…the oats will burn. _Quietly, while Bowser moped on the couch, Peach sneaked a cup of water into the oats and added some sugar and a few spices she found in the cabinets. She sat on the other side of the couch from where Bowser was sitting.

"I know we'll find him; don't worry. We'll be no good to him if we're frozen solid. Let's just stay here for the evening and if the storm lifts, we can go out and search for him."

Peach's stomach growled softly. Hearing this, Bowser jumped up. "I made food," he mumbled. He found two dishes and spooned the aromatic oats into them.

"Thank you," said Peach, graciously accepting the bowl.

_Hey, these turned out pretty good! _Bowser felt proud of himself as he watched Peach eat the food he had prepared.

"Now what do we do?" asked Bowser between bites.

"We could play a game," Peach offered. She rose and put her dish in the sink, then found a candle to light, as there was no electricity in the cabin and the sky was becoming increasingly dark. She spied a pencil and paper on a nearby surface. "I know one, it's called MASH, and stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House."

Bowser frowned, he had heard that somewhere before.

"Okay, tell me three lands."

Bowser thought carefully. "The Darklands, The Mushroom Kingdom, and Sarasaland."

"Alright, now three girls."

"You, Wendy, and…uh, Kammy Koopa."

Peach laughed. "Oh this is going to be so funny!"

Bowser glared, "Why?"

"You'll see, just keep going. Three numbers, please."

"A million, twenty, and four-hundred-and-fifty-nine. Will you please tell me what's going on?"

"We're almost there. Three kinds of transportation and you're done."

"Clown Car, Teleportation, and Yoshi."

"Okay, I'm going to draw a spiral, and you tell me when to stop."

Peach began drawing and Bowser watched for a few seconds before yelling, "Stop!""

She drew a line though the spiral, and counted the lines. "Okay, that's nine."

She began counting off her lists and crossing out various things until only one item remained on each list. Peach giggled, "Alright, I'll tell you your fortune. You're going to live in a house in Sarasaland. You're going to marry Kammy Koopa and have 459 kids and ride a Yoshi."

"I am not gonna marry old Haggy!" Bowser cried. "You cheated! I would have picked differently if I knew what was going to happen!"

Peach laughed, "It's just for fun Bowser…"

"Well, now it's your turn!" He grabbed the paper and pencil from her hands. "I'm gonna draw, tell me when to stop."

"But you haven't asked me to name three things yet," Peach protested.

"It doesn't matter! Here, I'll tell you your fortune. You're gonna live in a castle in the Darklands. You're going to marry Bowser Koopa and have eight kids and ride in a Clown Car. And you'll be really happy."

Peach blushed, "Bowser…that's not how the game goes."

"If the game was any good, that's what it would say."

"When Daisy and I would play this when we were younger, she would always complain if she got Waluigi," Peach started, changing the subject.

Bowser snorted, "Wouldn't you? Besides, if she hates the guy so much, why did she keep picking his name?"

"That's part of the fun. If you only picked good things, there would be no risk and the game would be boring."

Peach pulled the comforter closer around her and watched the snow flurry outside the window, enjoying the smell and crackle of the fire. She sighed, hoping the Mario Brothers hadn't come up here looking for her. In many ways, she was tired of adventuring and longed for home.

Peach's sigh did not escape Bowser's notice. Had he done something wrong? He took another drink of the fiery liquor.

"What is that?" asked Peach.

"Dunno, I found it. It makes my throat feel better. Do you want some?"

Peach looked suspiciously at the strong-smelling liquid. "I don't know."

Bowser shrugged and handed the bottle to her. "It's kinda sweet and smoky."

Peach took a sip and sputtered. Hard alcohol was just a bit much for her palette. Almost instantly, a warming feeling spread through her veins. The taste was almost unbearable, but the feeling was pleasant, so she took a few more sips before handing the bottle back. "So, are there any games you used to play as a child?"

Bowser looked down. He never had much of anyone to play with while growing up. Usually he just played pranks on his caretakers or tried to destroy as many things as possible.

He put his hands out flat, palms facing upwards. "Put your hands on mine, flat."

Peach cautiously did as he instructed and earned a hearty slap on the back of both hands. Peach looked shocked.

Bowser chortled, "You've got bad reflexes. You're supposed to move them away."

"I didn't know!" Peach protested.

She tried again, but was no match for Bowser's well-practiced speed. Peach rubbed the back of her hands. "Now you let me try!"

Bowser tentatively placed his hands on hers, trying not to get too distracted by the pleasing warmth. He felt her hands leave his; it was just too easy. Peach slapped down hard, but got nothing but air.

She put her hands on his, twitching in anticipation.

"You're not supposed to look at the hands, Peach. You have to look your opponent in the eyes."

Peach forced her eyes away from her hands and into Bowser's mirthful gaze. The room was covered in a warm glow from the fire and the dancing light from the candle reflected in his eyes, making him seem even more playful. When she locked eyes with the Koopa King, she almost felt frozen for a second before yet another loud smack was delivered to the back of her hands.

Bowser laughed, "You're really slow!"

Peach yawned. ""Hey, give me a break, it's my first time playing. Besides, I thought I saw something."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I'm…not sure. It was probably nothing."

The fire crackled, as if trying to help the royals break the strange hush that fell over them. Bowser sat up to put another log on the fire.

"Bowser?"

"Mm?"

"Can you tell me a story? I don't know if I'm tired or something but I'm in a weird mood. I want to hear something I've never heard before."

The wind howled outside as Bowser, taken aback, stretched his brain to think of a good story. "Once upon a time, there was a great, mighty king of the Koopas."

Peach groaned, "I've definitely heard this one before."

Bowser snorted, "Fine then, there was a dog, named Poochy. Poochy loved people but he had no friends because he was a stinky dog. Every time he walked up to someone, they would run away from him because he smelled so bad. This made him sad. One day, a nice girl was playing in the park. Poochy wanted to be her friend but was scared that she would run away from him."

Bowser paused. Peach was already asleep, breathing softly with her eyes closed. Bowser blew out the candle and curled up on the floor next to the couch. He could have gone to the bed, but with the comforter gone, being closer to the fire, and to Peach, felt a little more like home.

The next morning, the cabin was frosty and bright. The fire had gone out over night. The clouds outside had dispersed, leaving the outdoor temperature colder than ever but clear enough to travel.

Peach awoke first and pulled her blanket close. She began fiddling with the dwindling wood stack, making a second attempt at starting a fire.

The noise jarred Bowser awake; he opened one eye with a scowl to see Peach messing with the wood stove. "Hey, why don't you let me take over?"

Peach jumped at Bowser's words. "I didn't know you were awake!"

Bowser stuck his hands in the wood stove, rearranging to wood into the correct formation. "See…you've got to make a box…and then you put the little stuff in…"

"I thought you were supposed to make a teepee."

Bowser gave her a look.

"Well, I'll get us some breakfast. I suppose we ought to get going soon."

After breakfast, the royals sighed heavily as they prepared to step into the familiar frost. In the clear morning air, they were surprised to find that the cathedral appeared to be only a short distance away.

"Oh," Peach exclaimed happily, "We must have been staying in the caretakers' quarters."

Bowser marched steadfastly up the hill to reach the dark blue building, grasping Peach's hand in his to keep her nearby. Observing no protocol, he threw open the engraved doors with a mighty roar. "Where is my boy?"

Bowser's words echoed off the walls of a long, misty hallway. Bowser narrowed his eyes and stepped in carefully, still grasping Peach's hand tightly. Forgetting herself, Peach placed her other hand on Bowser's arm and looked around with widened eyes. The duo carefully made their way to the old wooden doors at the back of the hallway. Bowser placed his claw on the chilly metal ring and forced the doors open.

Inside the cathedral's inner chamber, torches suddenly flared, and in the middle of the room, sat King Onisim, with a smirk.

Bowser growled, "Onisim. How did I know it was going to be you all along?"

The king chuckled, "You are stupider than you look, Bowser. We thought that snowstorm would have taken care of you, but you are a tenacious roach."

The doors of the inner sanctum shut tightly, sealing themselves with magical force.

"Where's my kid?"

"Oh, don't you see him? He's all around us!"

Upon cue, dozens of Lemmys appeared all around with malicious smiles on their faces. King Onisim then transformed, melting his shape into that of his penguin wife. "Oh, please, I've wanted children for so long…now I have so many. Please don't hurt my children." Her beak transmogrified and began to grow massive fangs, "I won't let you hurt my children!"

Bowser put his arm out to protect Peach as he readied his flame breath. Peach covered her face with her hands as Bowser blew hot flames over the imposters. When she opened her eyes again, she was astonished to find a room full of Bowsers.

"Ooh, look at how they've grown," shrieked Tatiana madly. "Go, my children, fight these bad people who want to hurt your poor mama."

Bowser quickly grasped Peach into his arms before diving down to retreat into his shell. He felt the heat of flames licking his shell as every "Bowser" simultaneously blew flames. As he got up, he held Peach closely to his body, shielding her with both arms. Where Tatiana once stood, there was a "Princess Peach" and every "Bowser" stared at her.

"A room full of disgusting Koopas," proclaimed the Peach imposter. "I could never fall in love with such hideous beasts! Clean up your act, you disgusting monsters!"

At once, every Bowser transformed into a Mario imposter, and began a jumping assault on Bowser, completely ignoring Peach. Peach watched in horror as Bowser retreated into his shell to protect his head. Unable to witness any more, Peach marched right up to one of the Marios and gave his face a good slap.

The echo reverberated around the room and all of the other Marios stopped their activities to stare. Peach walked up to each Mario individually and, with as much strength as she could muster, slapped each one squarely in the face.

Bowser peeked up from under his shell. He had to admit, it felt really good to see Peach slapping Mario over and over again as they stood, one after the other, with dumbfounded looks on their faces. It was better than instant replay. After each Mario was slapped, the whole lot of them suddenly jumped up and vanished into a cloud of smoke.

Peach breathed deeply and took large strides toward the Peach imposter, who squeaked, "What have you done? We love Mario, don't we? Don't you want Mario to take you home, away from that nasty Koopa? Isn't that what you were just wishing last night when you had to stay in that cottage overnight with Bowser?"

Bowser's gazed down at the floor; he couldn't say he was surprised, but he didn't really want to hear about it.

"Turn around Princess; take a look. He's sad because you've been misleading him this whole time." The imposter Peach waved her hand about dismissively. "Acting like you care about his kids, acting like you want to help on this adventure. Why don't you tell him the truth? Why don't you tell him you don't care, it's not your problem, and you want to go home? Why don't you tell him you find him repulsive and you'll never have feelings for him? Is that not the truth of the matter? If it's not, why don't you say so?"

Peach pursed her lips, her cheeks burning red. "This has nothing to do with any of that. Hand over the missing Koopaling or we shall have to take him by force. I will not banter any further, you vile imposter."

The fake Peach laughed, "You're the imposter. You're a fake woman with a fake heart, just playing games with people's feelings. Why don't you tell the truth? Tell the Koopa King all about how when Mario rescues you, you give him a kiss on the cheek and how you wish at least one time he would make his move and engage you in a deep, passionate…"

Slap! A vicious slap knocked the imposter to the floor. Peach's whole body heaved, her cheeks bright red and her hand still raised to the spot. "I said I'd banter with you no longer!"

The imposter Peach got up off the floor and returned with her own sharp slap. Peach's left cheek stung and burned as she landed yet another slap. A furious brawl of slaps ensued until Bowser intervened. "Hey, nobody slaps Peach while I'm around!"

"Give us back the child," Peach yelled, her cheeks stinging red.

The other Peach took a step back, "What are you talking about? You're the one holding him hostage, you fiend!"

Bowser looked at the two women. It was completely impossible to tell them apart and his head hurt from trying. He pushed past the two princesses and heard a cry at his back, "Wh-what? Aren't you ever going to try and tell us apart? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find my kid," he muttered without turning around. He began to tear through the octagonal chamber, upending pedestals and moving artifacts. He didn't really know what he was doing, but he would have told any casual observer that he had a plan.

"Yes," Peach agreed, "that is what's most important here. Let's keep looking. Perhaps we should check over here, to the left…"

The real Peach folded her arms as she watched the imposter "help" Bowser to search the room. Should she say something? What was there to say? Mario would have looked for some minute clue, a difference in appearance or speech pattern to give away the imposter. But this wasn't Mario, that much was certain. She watched as they descended the steps to a secret passage, undoubtedly a trap. She was about to follow them down when a Duplighost appeared from behind the wall of another secret passage.

"Hey Bertie, I don't mean to be a drag but I'm fuckin' freezing in here, when can we go home?"

_Bertie? _Peach stared down at the Duplighost.

"Eh, forget I said anything. Can't believe they just walked right into the trap, we didn't even have to do anything! That was sure unexpected, in any case."

_So it is a trap! _"Yeah. Uh, I'm cold too. Maybe we should…take the kid and get out of here." Peach gulped, would her act be convincing enough?

The Duplighost looked shocked, "You wanna take the kid with us?"

"Well…yeah. I mean…we need to have the kid for…you know why…"

The Duplighost pursed his lips, "You mean we ain't got paid yet?"

_Paid! _"Uh, not yet."

The two sat in awkward silence. "Bertie, don't take this the wrong way but you look real good, just like Princess Peach. I'm just sayin' you should do elegant ladies more often."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Uh, but we should probably go check on the kid. You're right about it being cold in here. I, uh, don't think we get paid if the kid is dead, right?"

The Duplighost made a face, "Yeah, no kidding."

Peach followed the Duplighost to the right of the room where he moved a series of candelabra in a pattern. _A secret code! _The wall panel slid up to reveal a room full of large ice blocks. Frozen inside the blocks of ice were Lemmy, King Onisim, and Queen Tatiana. Peach suppressed a gasp. Lemmy was cold blooded, like his father. What if he couldn't live though being frozen in a block of ice? Visions of dragging Bowser over the ice flashed through her mind. It was almost too terrible to relive. She quickly grabbed a candelabrum and winced as she smashed it over the Duplighost's head, knocking him out cold.

Suddenly, she heard herself scream from the other room, followed by a loud metallic sound. "Bowser! How could you throw me in this awful trap? I thought you loved me!" the fake Peach screeched, trying to sounds as heartbroken as possible.

Bowser laughed heartily, "You think I don't know a thing or two about traps? I'm the trap master! Besides, if you were the real Princess Peach, you wouldn't be so surprised when I put you in a cage."

"Bowser," the real Peach called, her voice laced with panic. "I found him! You might want to hurry!"

Bowser quickly made his way to the secret room where Peach wrung her hands in worry. He hesitated for half a second, thinking it could be another trap, but the sight of his son completely encased in ice was too much for the Koopa King to delay action any further. Using his mighty fire breath, he shattered and melted the ice, also freeing the King and Queen of Alexandrite for good measure.

"Papa!" cried Lemmy, seemingly unfazed by his time within the ice. The Koopaling threw his arms around his father's leg affectionately then repeated the gesture with his Mama Peach.

Being less resilient than an energetic Koopaling, King Onisim and Queen Tatiana were just picking themselves off the floor when all the torches went dim and a great shadow fell across the cathedral.

"We should not be here…" King Onisim warned, clutching onto his wife.

Bowser held Lemmy tightly as a voice shook the air, "Ooh, you guys are in biiig trouble!"

A small star sprite appeared, too young to be anything more than a Star Kid, with swirling red marks over her back and "arms". "Just wait until I tell big sister Estrella!"

"Sitara! Why do you have to be such a tattletale?" reprimanded an older male Star Kid.

"Etwal, you know they are not supposed to be in here!"

"What's the noise?" whined a little one, with a pink bow on her head and a blanket in her "hand". "…so sleepy!"

"Mingxing, go back to bed," commanded Etwal. "This does not concern you!"

"Why are you so mean to all your sisters?" retorted Sitara. "Look Mingxing, there are people in here and there are not supposed to be. What will we do now?"

"We will do nothing! We will tell them to leave and that shall be that."

"Fine by me," grunted Bowser, motioning for Peach and Lemmy to follow him.

Sitara looked around, "Wait, you can't just go out whenever you feel like it, there's going to be another storm. I've sealed the doors anyhow, nobody is leaving yet."

Meanwhile, King Onisim and Queen Tatiana were both prostrate on the ground quivering, fearful of the wrath to be invoked by their transgressions.

A much older, but still youthful voice cut across the glistening blue hall, "What is going on here? Etwal? Sitara? …Mingxing? Why are there people here?" An adolescent star sprite came into view, her eyes heavy with makeup and that familiar look of teenage resentment.

"Hey, it's not like we want to be here, so why don't you let us out already?" growled Bowser.

"Silence Turtle!"

"No need to be rude, Estrella. They are like guests. They came here with noble enough cause."

"A real princess…" whispered Mingxing.

Sitara, always eager to please her older sister, relayed the story faithfully, with ample detail.

The fake Peach called from her cage in the opposite room, "Hey, this is great and all but will someone let me out of here?"

"Yes," mused Estrella, "first we must remove the troublemakers." The four Star Kids closed their eyes and began to sparkle. In a flash, the two Duplighosts were gone.

"Queen Tatiana, is it true you came here to wish for a child of your very own?"

Trembling, the Queen stood up and nodded affirmatively, bowing her head in shame.

Estrella closed her eyes sadly, "I must tell you that it cannot be. There are no Penguin-Human hybrids, and if there were, it would surely be an abomination. Knowing this, what is your wish?"

"You can always adopt!" smiled Sitara helpfully.

"Sitara! Protocol!" nudged Etwal sternly. Sitara rolled her eyes and then resumed a formal, somber expression.

King Onisim placed a hand on Tatiana's back and stared at her with a pleading smile.

"I- I wish to return to the castle with my husband…perhaps then we can fill our home with the forgotten children of our kingdom."

"Then it shall be done." In another flash, the King and Queen had both vanished.

"I'm hungry," whined Mingxing, earning herself a loud shush from Sitara and Etwal.

"Koopa child, now that you are freed from your captors, what is your wish?"

"He needs to go back to our fortress on Emerald," interrupted Bowser. "The rest of the Koopalings will be waiting there for him."

Estrella heaved a moody sigh. She was getting tired of this and the enforced formality was starting to get to her. "Whatever, just close your eyes and picture where you want to go and it shall be done."

Lemmy hugged both Bowser and Peach one last time and in a flash, was gone. Finally, Bowser and Peach were the only remaining intruders inside the sacred cathedral.

"Koopa, do you intend to follow the kidnappers to the Amber Holy Land?"

"Yeah," grunted Bowser.

"Very well then, come stand in the center of the room, the journey is quite far."

"Wait," Bowser halted, "aren't you going to send Peach and I together?"

"No, the princess has her own decision to make about where she wants to go."

Bowser's heart washed over with icy dread. She would be completely free to escape. "Well…can't you send her first then?" Maybe if he were looking at her, she wouldn't do anything foolish.

"Koopa, we grow weary of your insolence. This sort of behavior is ill advised on your journey in the Holy Land. Stand in the center of the room or we shall have no choice but to transport you somewhere…unpleasant."

Bowser set his jaw and begrudgingly walked to the center of the room. He barely had enough time to throw Peach a pleading stare before he vanished. Peach fiddled with her hands and adjusted her dress nervously.

"No need to be fearful, Princess. We sense a heart divided. What is your wish? Will you continue your journey with the Koopa King, or return to your home in the Mushroom Kingdom."

Peach sighed. _If I go back now, Bowser will feel so betrayed. But the Mario Brothers…everyone must be so worried about me. I wonder if they are already on their way. _She imagined teleporting back, only to find that the brothers had already gone out searching for her. How would she reach out to them to let them know their quest was in vain? She imagined Bowser siting on the ground of some foreign land, waiting for her to arrive, his crestfallen face when he realized she would never appear. She thought of the blanket cot and the porridge on the stove, she thought of the future relations between the Darklands and the Mushroom Kingdom and last night's game of MASH. She thought about the terrible things that Duplighost had said, and how surprisingly much it stung. She also thought about Toadsworth's face and all her loyal subjects. She thought of her duties back at home and all the meetings she might be missing. She winced, somehow it was less compelling than it ought to be.

She thought carefully, and then she nodded her head.

"It will be done."

* * *

Some twenty minutes after the disappearance of their visitors, the Star Kids floated about gloomily, cleaning up the mess left by the intruders. It was so much more exciting when there were visitors.

Suddenly, as if Star Kids could grant their own wishes, a final intruder burst through the doors of the building, half-frozen, shivering, and barking extremely loudly.

"Oh Stars, not another one! I just cleaned the foyer!" cried Estrella.

"Ooh, he's so cute!" cried Mingxing.

"Sitara! I thought you sealed the door!"

"I did! How did he even open the door, he doesn't even have hands!"

"Enough! Oh, barking intruder, say your wish and then leave already."

Chompy, blue with cold, let out a whimper.

"What? Treats? Foolish creature, you are half dead with cold and all you can think about are treats? Perhaps you should reconsider," Etwal advised.

"Aww he's hungry! Can we keep him?"

"No." the three older siblings said at once.

"Meanies!" cried Mingxing.

Chompy barked enthusiastically.

"Still treats? Incredible, you really are a stupid creature," scoffed Estrella.

"It may well be that this creature isn't sentient enough to make its own decisions. It would be unethical to grant its wish and then send it outside to freeze."

"Well then, what do we do?"

"I'm tired, let's just send it to Amber along with those other two and be done with it."

In a flash, Chompy vanished, feverishly wondering if he was soon to encounter a mystical land full of wondrous treats.


	7. Spicing Things Up in Amber Holy Land

**A/N: Finally, another chapter! I'm glad I could finally update this story. Just a warning, the Mario, Luigi, Daisy section might make readers a little uncomfortable. It's supposed to, but if you get upset easily, just skip it. Also, we're finally starting to get fluffy, enjoy!**

* * *

Kammy felt every section her spine crack as she finally stood up from her cramped desk. She had filed paperwork on new recruits, scheduled important meetings, set the wheels in motion on laws Lord Bowser had requested months ago, and even found time to place a help wanted ad in various Darklandian newspapers for a data systems architect, so that this paperwork problem might never happen again. Indeed, going paperless had never sounded better to Kammy than it did right now.

Strangely, with every task completed and filed, the paperwork stack seemed to only grow. At first, it was only natural, as Kammy received immediate responses to most of her inquiries (the rest of the castle being far too concerned about King Bowser's legendary wrath to slack as the head Magikoopas sometimes did). However, once she got past those and certain chores were entirely put to rest, she noticed the papers beginning to multiply at an exponential rate.

Furthermore, as the papers multiplied their contents became far more trivial than those of the initial stack.

_By Lord Bowser's decree: each Thursday the Piranha Plants are to be flossed and watered. _

_His Majesty is concerned about the length of time soldiers are spending in the restroom. A committee is to be assembled to time each troop as well as count the number of visits per day. Note that Lord Bowser is also interested in how many flushes and the exact number of toilet tissue sheets used per unit._

_Young Prince Bowser is concerned that the laundry staff has purloined one of his favorite socks and has demanded a full-scale investigation. I suggest you start with under his bed._

_Clean Kamek's office. The top bookshelf gets quite dusty, my dear._

"They don't pay me enough for this," grumbled Kammy, rubbing her tired eyes. She looked into a mirror and jumped back in shock. Behind her glasses and under her eyes were drooping, slightly purple bags.

_Kamek…_

"I get those brats out of the castle and then I have your shenanigans to deal with! Enough is enough! You want me to clean your office? Oh, I'll clean _your _office; just you wait and see. I'll—"

Kammy reached Kamek's door and stopped muttering abruptly. On his desk, she saw a marvelous sight. A sly smirk crawled across her mouth. She reached up and swiped the misplaced blue sack of coins from the elderly Magikoopa's desk.

"I know just what to do with this…" she chuckled to herself. "Now, where did I put my broom?"

* * *

The tomboy with the long black hair streaked with red dutifully followed Lemmy, her tiny feet plodding along in a pair of cheap canvas shoes. Her mesmerizing, kohl-rimmed, violet eyes were fixed on his shell as she talked in a low, soothing voice.

She certainly liked to talk a lot. What had she been yammering about? Something like after her folks died she was unfairly punished by some gang of girls…what did she call them? Proopy? Poopy? Whatever. The poopy girls pushed her down some pipe disguised as a well and she ended up here from some place called Hiesscool. Lemmy shook his head. He didn't even know where that was.

"But you know, sometimes when I'm really mad or really scared my eyes turn red and I pass out and I can't remember what happened! Also, people have been saying they've seen a terrible but beautiful beast roaming around! You know, I heard before I was adopted that my real parents were very important people, like royalty, and…"

Lemmy plugged his ears. Wouldn't she ever shut up?

"Hey Lemmy," Iggy dropped from above. "Those preparations you wanted for the indoor circus are ready and I got the rest of the Koopalings together to—woah!"

Iggy stood, utterly transfixed by the creature before him. "I-is this the star of our show?" he asked, barely able to contain his excitement. Lemmy nodded.

"She's…perfect," he sputtered breathlessly. "Where did you find her?"

The girl blushed and cast her eyes downward, biting her lip a little in a rare quiet moment. It seems she found Iggy to be perfect as well.

"Well, never mind that. Do you mind if I accompany her to the waiting area? All the preparations are ready and with _her _here, it's sure to be the best show we've ever had."

Before long, all the Koopalings and troops of the Emerald fortress had assembled in the makeshift ring as the audience. Meanwhile, while Lemmy introduced the acts (unlucky soldiers drafted by the brothers to perform "death defying feats" and otherwise show their "talents"), Iggy and the girl sat on the sidelines, deeply engrossed in conversation. With every word that came from her perfectly formed lips, Iggy's smile grew wider and brighter. Every tale of teenage angst sent pleasurable chills down his spine.

"Tell me again about your psychic abilities," he cooed softly.

"Oh, I've had them ever since I was a young child."

Iggy bit his lip, suddenly cautious, "Can you…can you tell what I'm thinking?"

The girl shook her head and blushed, "No…for some reason it won't work on you…"

They stared into each other's eyes so intently that they almost missed their cue.

"Oh, shoot. It's already time for the grand finale. It's your turn to go on stage."

The girl blushed once more as Iggy grabbed her hand and led her to a small opening through a curtain. "You'll come out from here…you'd better go."

"But Iggy…what do I do when I get out there?" The Koopalings had never told her which of her countless talents she should display once she was on stage.

Iggy's eyes glistened as they looked into her beautiful orbs once more. "Don't worry, you're a natural star. I…I know your performance will be perfect."

The girl leaned over and shyly kissed Iggy on the cheek. In response, Iggy gently lifted the hood on her oversized black sweatshirt, decorated with the faces of some musical group ostensibly from the land of Hiesscool. "You'll be great," he whispered, giving her a gentle nudge.

As soon as she disappeared behind the curtain, Iggy ran to the other side of the stage so that he might see the performance for himself. There, he ran into Lemmy who was handling a remote control with a shiny red button.

"Hey Lem, what was her name anyhow?"

Lemmy fixed Iggy with an exasperated stare.

"You're right, it doesn't matter anyhow. Fire!"

Lemmy slammed his fist down on the shiny red button and the giant cannon on the stage shot the teen tragedy far off into the horizon.

* * *

A buxom beauty brought Waluigi his third drink of the evening; it was nine o'clock and things were about to get interesting in the Garnet District. The night was hot and balmy and the dusty streets were lit with those huge incandescent bulbs advertising the liveliest, lustiest shows on the planet.

Waluigi hadn't been able to convince Wario to come along, the latter being far too miserly to partake in such an expensive excursion, but now being alone, Waluigi found he enjoyed the novelty of being anonymous in a crowd of strangers. That was until he saw her…

To be more accurate, he heard her first, her brash and distinctive voice rang clearly through the smoke filled parlor. "Oh this place is _awesome!_ Look at all these beautiful, strong women who are just so free and comfortable with themselves and their bodies!"

"Uh, it sort of seems like they're performing dances for strange men that they don't know; that doesn't seem very freeing to me…" said Luigi, actively trying to look away from any of the provocatively dressed females in his vicinity.

Waluigi narrowed his eyes, so _he _was here too. He dragged his large, gloved hand over his face. He had travelled halfway across the world to forget her, the curl of her hair, the sway of her hips, and now she was here, her voice practically beckoning to him.

"Hey Lu, looks like they've got some lessons, you know, _dancing _lessons," she said, letting the innuendo roll off her tongue and into her facial expression. "You boys will probably be here 'searching for clues' for a little while, right?"

Luigi flushed red, "I-I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm sure it won't take long to get the information we need and…"

Luigi followed Daisy's eyes to where Mario was sitting a short distance away. Surrounding him was a legion of fantastically proportioned women who were honestly enthralled with one of Mario's many tales of heroism.

"That sounds so dangerous! You're so _brave_."

"And he's so _muscular!"_

"And look at that mustache, it's so _rugged and handsome_!"

"I think I'll have plenty of time," Daisy remarked in a mirthful voice. "Next class starts in 15 and I still have to reserve a spot and rent a costume. _Au revoir, _lover boy. Be good!"

Luigi watched in horror as Daisy blew him a kiss and left him alone in this place. How was he supposed to be good with all these women around? What if they swarmed him like they did Mario? Who would be there to defend his honor?

He was later to find, secretly to his resentment, being approached by women would not be a concern for the evening. Thus he was to sit at the bar, very much alone with his drink, for the rest of the night.

Waluigi, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes and sprung into action. The opportunity was too good to pass up. His two main attributes were working in his favor; his lithe, thin frame made it easy for him to stealthily sneak into places he didn't belong, while his utter lack of morals and shame let him feel no remorse for what he was about to do.

At first the girls were shy, nervous, and more than a little clumsy. They fell off of chairs, slipped off the poles; Waluigi had to put his hand in his mouth to stifle his laughter when one of the larger girls fell right on her behind. However, it wasn't long before the students were performing moves like the pros, and more importantly, everyone was laughing and having a good time.

Waluigi kept his eyes fixed on Daisy, in her golden yellow bustier and outrageously tall stilettos. The scandalously clad women laughed and conversed easily with one another, exchanging naughty tips and raunchy jokes. It was like watching a part of what every teenage male secretly hopes is happening at girls' slumber parties. Unsurprisingly, the hour went by quickly and the class ended far too soon for anyone's liking.

As Daisy grabbed her things and sashayed to the exit, Waluigi decided it was time to make his presence known. Reaching deftly into the aisle, he grabbed Daisy's arm and pulled her swiftly into his hiding place.

Daisy's initial reaction was to punch, bite, or kick her would-be assailant into submission, but a second look revealed an acquaintance, though one she hadn't hoped to see anytime soon.

"What the hell, Wally? Ever tried a simple hello? I almost punched your lights out for grabbing me like that."

Waluigi grinned widely, masking his inner turmoil. He was so close to her, so alone. "What's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this? Are you working here now? Did Daddy finally kick you out?" _I'm such a jerk._

Daisy roughly pulled her arm away from where Waluigi had been holding it. "No, I'm not working here, thank you very much. No need to ask what _you're_ doing here," she scoffed, wrinkling her nose at the smell of booze on his breath. "Where's your fat brother?"

"He's too cheap to come to a place like this, you know that. You still haven't answered my question; what are you and the Rodent Brothers doing here?"

"Peachy's been kidnapped again, so we're looking for her," Daisy huffed, matter-of-factly.

"On a pole?" Waluigi asked with a malicious grin.

Daisy opened her mouth, dumbstruck. "Were you…watching? Ew, Stars, you're such a pervert! Anyhow, we happen to have it on good information that Bowser brought Peachy here."

Waluigi laughed out loud. "No surprises there, that guy has been trying to get with your cousin for longer than I can remember. Do you think they finally…you know."

"You're disgusting."

Waluigi closed his eyes smugly; he loved a perfect segue. "Well, I may be a disgusting pervert, but I am also a disgusting pervert with _information. _Information you might be interested in…about your cousin."

Daisy tried to sound disinterested, "Tsk, what do _you_ know?"

"Plenty, it all depends on what you're going to give me in return."

Daisy folded her hands over her chest; she did not like the sound of where this was going.

"50 coins…"

Waluigi laughed again, "You think you could buy me off for so little? Anyhow, I'm not Wario; that money grubbing sad sack would do anything to lay his hands on some gold. No, I don't want your money…I just want your love."

Daisy rolled her eyes, "Alright, I love you," she said insincerely, "Now will you please tell me?"

"Nope."

"You already spied on me dancing; I think I deserve a little compensation for that."

Waluigi mused contentedly, loving the feeling of having something that she obviously wanted so desperately. He didn't want to let it go easily, but then, he didn't want to end up with nothing.

"A kiss," he replied. "A good one, and you've bought all the information I have."

"No," she growled.

"I'm afraid that's the only way," Waluigi mocked in a singsong voice. "If you're not interested, I think I'll return to the parlor…" He adjusted his suspenders and casually turned, pretending to leave.

"Wait!" Daisy called. Waluigi turned around slowly and smugly, though his heart was beating out of control in his chest. "You swear you have really good information about where Peachy is?"

Waluigi nodded with a self-satisfied smile. Daisy strode up to him in a huff, arms folded tightly across her chest. "You're really sick, you know that?" Waluigi smiled in reply before Daisy begrudgingly smashed her lips into his. His hand grazed her soft auburn hair and he held her close for a moment taking in everything he possibly could.

However, the moment was cut short when Daisy suddenly jerked away violently. "I'll bite it off!" she yelled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Tongue was _not _part of the deal!"

Waluigi rolled his eyes; he had said a "good" kiss, what kind of kiss is any good that doesn't have a little tongue? He opted not to push his luck.

"When I was getting off the train to Garnet a few days ago, I noticed a couple of familiar looking people at the station. Bowser's a big guy, you can't miss him anywhere, and I saw Peach and a Koopa kid was with him so I decided to follow 'em for a bit. I saw him buy three tickets. He sent the little girl Koopa off to Emerald Island but Peach and Bowser got on the train to Alexandrite: a cold, miserable place. Maybe he was hoping she'd get cuddly if she got cold enough…"

"So she left a few days ago…that means we're falling behind! I gotta go tell Luigi and Mario." She paused awkwardly. "Uh, thanks for telling me…I guess." _Why am I thanking him? I certainly didn't get it for free._

Waluigi smirked, "You know, your cousin looked pretty tired and worn out…I bet it's because…" He made a vulgar hand gesture.

He laughed inwardly at Daisy's outraged expression as she marched off in another huff. After she was gone, he put his hand to his lips, quivering in excitement about what had happened, but as always, a tinge of regret haunted his achievements.

_I know she'll hate me forever._

* * *

Bowser sat anxiously on a stone step watching the clay colored dirt sparkle in the light of high noon. His portal from Alexandrite had closed nearly an hour ago but there was still no sign of Peach.

_Maybe she's still stuck there on that mountain. Stupid, I should have never agreed to leave her behind. What if something happened to her? _He combed his claws through his large, shaggy mane, obviously distraught. _What if she's not coming? …Maybe she decided to go back to the Mushroom Kingdom and leave me to find my kids by myself. _

He thought about what the imposter Peach had said about Peach wishing to be with Mario instead of him. She didn't deny it. Bowser balled his hands into tight firsts, feeling his claws dig into his palms. _If I could just get my hands on that plumber I'd…_

Bowser never got to finish his thought as he heard a familiar voice calling his name. "Bowser!"

_Peach!_

"Bowser, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!"

Bowser was so elated. _She decided to stay with me! _His tail swished eagerly as he pulled her into a tight hug, eliciting a small "ooph" from the princess. Peach smiled, she couldn't help but feel his overflowing joy. It felt nice to be so appreciated.

Bowser set Peach down gently and noticed her cotton candy pink sari and matching veil draped over her hair. "What happened to your clothes?"

Peach looked down, "Well, when I got here, I noticed people in town giving me dirty looks. I wandered around looking for you for almost 20 minutes wondering why everyone was glaring at me. Finally, some woman at a dress shop recognized me as the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. She told me that women in Amber usually cover their hair, so as not to tempt the holy monks away from their devotions. I was so embarrassed, I had no idea!"

Bowser circled her, looking her up and down. "Still tempting; didn't work."

Peach hit Bowser lightly in the arm, blushing at the compliment. "You're not funny," she laughed.

Bowser pretended to pout, "My jokes are never funny to you! You're so difficult to please…"

Suddenly, a number of dirty, barefoot boys in ragged clothes ran past. "C'mon hurry, it's over here!"

"Don't mess with it! It'll bite us for sure."

"Don't be such a chicken; if you're scared, why don't you just go home?"

Peach and Bowser looked at one another, nodding in silent agreement to follow the scruffy children and investigate.

Peach was the first to gasp out loud, "Chompy!"

The little Chain Chomp was cold and had turned completely blue. He let out a sort of metallic sneeze then looked up at her miserably. "Arf Arf," he barked weakly.

The street children stopped poking it with a stick when they realized the rich-looking lady and her terrifying companion seemed to know what the creature was. Peach turned to Bowser pleadingly, "We have to help him! What can be done?"

Bowser thought for a moment, brows furrowed deeply. It never got cold in the Darklands so this had never happened to any of his Chomps. Still, he didn't want to admit to Peach that there was anything he didn't know. "Any of you runts know where to find a hospital for…uh, pets?"

The ragamuffins looked at one another, it was hard enough to find a hospital for people in this village, much less for monstrous pets owned by crazy rich people. The boldest child, a Mouser too small for his age, stepped forward with a mischievous smile on his face. He rubbed his fingers together, staring at them tentatively.

Peach was taken aback that the children could be so cold in such a dire emergency; but one look at their dirty, stained faces and ragged wardrobe suggested that these children might be constantly living in a state of emergency. She quickly fished out five gold coins for the impoverished youth before Bowser could get angry with him. The child looked up at her with wide, disbelieving eyes before motioning her to follow him.

Bowser was left to begrudgingly scoop up the freezing Chomp before following the scampering hoard through narrow clay alleyways and dusty marketplaces until they finally reached a green curtained doorway.

"_Mausi _Latika," cried the Mouser boy, "there are visitors with a sick monster!"

The scent of incense wove thickly through the air as an aged Lakitu floated out of the back room on her cloud. She eyed Peach and caught a glimpse of Bowser struggling to get through the doorway, which was blocked with curious children. Finally, Bowser set Chompy on the dusty floor to be examined. The old Lakitu adjusted her spectacles and said something in a sharp tone to the vagrant children, who hopped to attention, scattering like dandelion seeds. She called over the Mouser child and talked quickly, in a low hushed tone. He nodded in understanding.

"_Mausi _Latika said she can heal your pet for no charge at this time. Any payment must be directed to the Amber Temple."

"Thank you very much," replied Peach, wringing her hands with worry. "Perhaps we can go offer payment and then come back and see if any progress…"

"No, no, you mustn't do that," cried the boy. He lowered his voice to a whisper, "_Mausi _Latika is very old and does not like outsiders in her home. I will come get you when the creature is healthy. Where are you put up?"

"We don't have a place to stay yet…"

"Come, I will take you to the finest hotel in all of Amber! Do not worry, your pet is in good hands."

The Mouser child named Patil, led Peach and Bowser back through the dusty streets of Amber, albeit at a much slower pace this time, taking a moment here and there to explain the backstory of the city.

"Hey," Bowser interrupted, "You know anything about a fake magician who's trying to kidnap kids?"

Patil laughed, "There are so many crooks and criminals in this city; fake magicians, 'holy' men, thieves, kidnappers, you might as well ask me if I've seen a grain of sand in the Amber Desert."

"Excuse me, I don't mean any disrespect, but why are there so many criminals in a holy land?" asked Peach.

"Who else needs to beg for the favor of the Stars more than a criminal?" retorted Patil. "Mostly they are just poor people with nothing else to lose. The temple shamans themselves don't carry any money, but there is plenty of gold coming from pilgrims and visitors. Somehow, the cash seems to end up in the pockets of the very rich men, who are very powerful. In this city, the rich are spiritual and generous by day, and very very evil by night."

At last, they arrived at the hotel, a heavily ornamented affair in a somewhat out of place Art Deco style. Geometric spires jutted upwards, softened by the interspersed round dome. Every opening seemed covered by intricate stone and wooden lattice. The smell of sweet and savory spices wafted from the open pavilions stationed around the building, which acted as private dining rooms for wealthy families.

Eager to visit the interior of the gorgeous _raj, _Peach quickly said her _adieus, _and made her way up the grand marble steps.

"Hey Runt," Bowser called to the Mouser boy with a mischievous smirk on his face. "I see you've got an eye for business. How would you like to make even more money? I've got a job for you…"

* * *

Inside the hotel, Bowser was back in action with the full magnitude of his kingly attitude. "We'll take the largest luxury suite you have available," he bellowed loudly enough for the entire hotel floor to hear him. "Make sure there's a separate room for my _lovely bride._"

Peach, by now used to the idea she had to pretend to be married to the Koopa King, only rolled her eyes and gently nudged him on the arm. "Are you sure we have enough coins for this? There's no telling how much longer we'll need to be on the road…" she hissed softly.

Bowser merely grinned at her and continued shouting orders; "We will require a guide to the temple and a full spa treatment with snacks upon our return."

"And what time will you require dinner, _Sahib_?"

"No later than seven," grunted the Koopa King, satisfied with his display of bravado.

Peach was surprised to see him hand over what couldn't have been more than 75 coins for all his demands. Hadn't she just paid 300 for her cloak in Alexandrite? Was this land truly so impoverished?

After sending their luggage up with a very attendant bellhop, Bowser stretched his limbs and sat on a sofa in the palatial hotel lobby, inviting Peach to join him.

"Bowser," she hissed, "You are taking advantage of these people!"

Bowser shrugged, "We have to stay somewhere. If we book a cheaper room, we'll be giving them even less money."

Peach was silent; for once, the Koopa King seemed to be correct. A young Goomba in an ornate vest, the hotel uniform, approached the royal couple. "I am here to escort you to the temple. Are you ready?"

The trail to the temple was dusty and mostly uphill. Peach could feel grains of dirt between her toes, slightly begriming her jeweled sandals. Several visitors appeared to be making the same journey, many laughing and talking with other families.

As they approached the temple, copper oil lamps hung in the air, burning brightly. The temple itself was an open-air structure, like a multi-room white marble gazebo on steroids. People flocked the building from every angle and shamans in brightly colored garments and painted faces conducted services amongst the crowds.

A monk with a serene, smiling face graciously manned the water pump where visitors were required to remove their dirty shoes and delicately wash their feet before stepping onto the temple steps.

Peach tucked her hair back under its cool, silken covering and ascended the steps into the temple's large interior, sandals in hand. The main square branched off into various "rooms", many of which held portals like the ones the stars had used to send Bowser and Peach to Amber.

Bowser's hulking form gathered attention at the foot bathing station. Holy golden Lakitus, the guardians of the temple and the land, narrowed their eyes at him and whispered amongst themselves. Peach gently placed her soft fingertips on Bowser's arm, hoping to distract him so as not to make a scene.

Bowser nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Peach's electric touch. She looked up at him and smiled, with her eyebrows turned upwards in light concern. He couldn't tell what she was trying to communicate, so he just stood still, staring back at her with a dorky smile in return.

The silence of their shared smile would be shattered soon enough. As soon as Bowser stepped into the temple, he was all mouth and vocal chords, making display of his wealth by loudly jangling his bag of coins and lavishly donating with great flourish. Several pilgrims shot disapproving looks at the Koopa King, while monks shook their heads in silence. Thieves turned their heads and struggled to conceal the glint of avarice in their eyes. Peach, naturally, was mortified, pulling her silk cover over her nose and mouth and lowering her eyes so that she could not be seen with him.

A short walk afterwards found them back at the hotel, ready to be pampered. Before trading her silks for a plush cotton robe, Peach gave Bowser a tired look. "Please…behave yourself," she muttered, barely audibly, before disappearing behind the ladies changing room door.

By the time Peach exited the dressing room, Bowser was already wearing the largest white terrycloth robe the hotel had to offer and resting his feet in a steaming bath, fragrant with rose and saffron threads. In his hand was a tall cylindrical glass filled with cucumber water. Peach gripped at her robe, feeling slightly uncomfortable being so close to naked in the Koopa King's presence. He flashed her a toothy grin as she sat at the station next to his with a sigh.

"I hope Chompy is doing okay," she said, feeling guilty for enjoying herself while poor Chompy might be sick and miserable.

"Ah, lighten up," Bowser replied, "Your worrying isn't going to make him get better any faster. Besides, Chomps are tough; he'll survive."

Peach let out a long breath she didn't know she'd been holding as the spa technician, a white Mouser, placed her tired feet into the steaming waters and began to slowly massage each tender muscle. The rose-scented vapors reached her nose and she began to smile in spite of herself. _I don't think Bowser's ever been right about so many things in one day._

"So, you seem pretty used to this kind of treatment; you do this sort of thing often?" Peach jokingly asked, noticing Bowser's confidently comfortable facial expression as the spa technician gently filed his claws.

"Father daughter bonding," he said importantly, "It takes work to look this great all the time. You should know," he added with a wink.

Peach looked down at her hands, completely oblivious to the compliment. "I wish I could do more things with my father. He's so busy all the time."

"Heh, don't suppose you want to do more things with old Toady."

Peach laughed, thinking of trying to convince Toadsworth to get a spa treatment of any kind. "Well, yeah, maybe not."

"You could always come with Wendy and I; Granbi knows I could use another ear to listen to her 'boy troubles'. "

Peach gripped the sides of her plush chair suddenly, choking back laughter.

"What's so funny?" Bowser asked before seeing the spa technician scrubbing the bottom of Peach's foot with a pumice stone, the ticklish sensations causing her to shake with laughter. Bowser pretended to scoff at her reaction. "Oh man, pull yourself together…so embarrassing," he teased. "Aren't you a princess? You act like you've never been to a spa before!"

Peach turned to face him after catching her breath. "You're really full of it today, aren't you?"

"If by 'it' you mean 'awesomeness', then yes, I am full of it today and every day," he retorted with a grin.

Peach rolled her eyes and smiled; it was too lame not to laugh a little. The spa Mouser tapped Peach on the shoulders, indicating that it was time to depart for her full-body massage. Peach threw one last bemused smile over her shoulder before she was carried toward the scent of mint and citrus essential oils.

* * *

A hot wind caressed Peach's newly flushed cheeks, still dewy from the afternoon massage. She sat upon a silk cushion in the open-air pavilion, admiring the feast on the low table before her. There were bowls deep with fragrant, vibrantly colored curries, glasses filled with sweet frothy mango nectar, plates piled high with saffron rice and perfectly baked roti. The sweetest, most delicious fruits in season were perfectly presented, garnished with mint leaves and a touch of yogurt sauce on the side. Even for a princess used to luxurious meals, the sight was breathtaking and undeniably appetizing. It took all of Peach's fortitude not to sneak any food before the Koopa King returned from his mysterious errand.

Luckily, Bowser was back before long with a smile plastered across his face. The light from the setting sun on his face made him look like he was positively glowing; even his tail swished back and forth with excitement.

The grin was contagious; Peach couldn't help but smile back. "You seem happy, any particular reason?"

Bowser bit his lip as he dug into the food with gusto. "It's a secret," he explained.

Peach raised both eyebrows. "A secret? From me? Can I at least have a hint?"

Bowser shifted nervously, he _did _want to keep it a secret, but Peach looked so cute when she asked him for things. "We have somewhere to go, but that's all I'm telling you so don't even bother asking again."

"Hmm, okay."

_Okay? She said okay! She wants to go with me! Gotta keep it cool now, don't seem too excited…_

Bowser's tail swished back and forth excitedly the entire meal. With Peach at his side he couldn't find one thing to complain about, which was all the better for Peach's ears. Instead, the conversation was light and pleasant. Peach wondered how Bowser could be so charming one minute and such a boorish brute the next.

After the meal, Bowser stood and extended a gentle claw to Peach. He was elated when she accepted his assistance; the warmth of her hand against his provided an extra adrenaline shot and made his heart race. The sun was just beginning to set and the evening stars were peeking from their twilit curtains.

Peach rubbed her tummy gently, "That was excellent; I don't think I've been this full in a long time. Mm, I'm almost ready for a nap."

Bowser's face turned to one of panic. "You can't! We're going somewhere, remember?"

Peach smiled, "How could I forget? I said almost ready, I won't be fully ready until you've shown me this surprise."

Bowser felt his internal temperature begin to rise as he led Peach away from the hotel. _Alright, where did he say it was…take a left from the green overhang, straight past the fishmonger's sign… _Bowser unknowingly tightened his grip on Peach's hand, as if trying to hold on to more of that electrifying sensation.

_Where is he taking us? _Unlike Bowser, Peach was acutely aware of the Koopa King grasping her hand as if it were a rescue rope thrown to a drowning man. Whatever this was, it was obviously very important to him.

At last, they arrived at a waterfront where fireflies darted about, slowly pulsing their lights across the water's surface. Tall grasses surrounded the entire lake to ensure insulation from the outside word and absolute privacy.

"This is it!" As Bowser was expecting, there was a small rowboat tethered to the weathered dock in the lagoon.

The last shreds of twilight were being swiftly devoured by darkness. The breeze present during the day had died down and the night was hot, dark, still, and thick with the sound of crickets. Bowser helped Peach into the rowboat and began rowing out into the middle of the lagoon.

Peach gasped when she saw the water moving beneath the oars, as every stroke lit the water a fluorescent aqua.

"What is this?"

"Phosphorescent algae," Bowser recited carefully from memory. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"It's beautiful!"

Peach let her hand trail in the water and marveled at the neon trail it left behind. "Ooh, it's so warm."

Bowser looked softly at Peach, who was leaning over the edge of the boat, flicking the water to make phosphorescent ripples on the surface. He opened his mouth to speak, but words wouldn't come out. To be so close, in such an atmosphere, with the woman he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, it filled him with a surge of energy that was at once invigorating and debilitating.

While Bowser searched for words, Peach flicked the water and was surprised to find little glowing fishes sweetly "kissing" her fingers, hoping to find some algae or other fishy treats. _It sure was nice of Bowser to take me out here to see this. I wonder how he found it…he hasn't said a word since we got here._

Peach drew her eyes away from the mesmerizing glowing waters and turned them toward the Koopa King, whose anxiety was only heightened. "The water is so warm here," she repeated, "Do you think it's safe to swim in?"

Snapped out of his trance, Bowser coughed to prime his dry throat for speaking. "Yeah, I think so. That kid said it's a popular place for swimming because there aren't any pointy rocks or dangerous fish."

Without a sound Peach rose with a smile on her lips and allowed herself to fall backwards into the water, fully clothed. After the crash landing on Emerald, she thought she might never enjoy swimming again, but this lagoon renewed her faith in the sport. Her every movement resulted in phosphorescent glitter and little fish blew buoyant bubbles that tickled her skin under her silks. The warm water soothed away any remaining tension while Peach floated on her back, feeling weightless.

Though Bowser had long ago announced his retirement from swimming, he found himself eager to join Peach. He hopped from the little boat with a mighty splash, causing neon droplets to fly everywhere, temporarily scattering the fireflies. Bowser surfaced with a laugh, his usual fiery mane flattened by the weight of the water.

He flicked a few shining droplets of water at Peach before diving under the glittering surface. He stretched both hands above his head and counted off on his fingers. When all ten fingers were raised he surfaced with his eyes closed, water dripping off his massive eyebrows, and bellowed, "Marco".

Peach giggled, and saw as silently as she could, softly calling, "Polo".

Bowser glided forward, beckoned forward by the sound of his love's voice. He squinted his already closed eyes and listened carefully for the sound of treading water. "Marco," he called out cautiously.

"Polo," replied Peach softly, before changing directions to sneak away. However, this time the Koopa King heard her splash, and turned to face her. Realizing she was caught, Peach abandoned all notion of stealth and tried to swim away as fast as she could. Peach's swimming ability was no match for Bowser's powerful strokes. He shuddered in delight as his hand brushed her calf. His eyes popped open and he declared himself the winner.

When Peach became tired of treading water, Bowser retreated into his shell with his massive lungs full of air. Then, Peach delicately climbed on his floating shell, taking care to avoid the spikes. From there, she climbed into the boat, and Bowser took the rope between his teeth. Dog paddling like a champion, Bowser then towed the princess and the boat back to the dock.

Back ashore, Peach and Bowser sat on the end of the dock, drip-drying in the hot night air. Peach yawned softly and smiled, eyes half closed in a cutely drowsy manner. They looked at the stars together; the lack of city lights made the sky look dazzling. A shooting star darted across the sky.

"Oh look," Peach mumbled, "Did you see the shooting star?"

"Yeah." Bowser fidgeted, hoping Peach would not ask what he had wished for. Bowser was surprised when the question did not come. Instead, Peach rested her head lightly on his arm, her cheek pressed to his warm scales. Bowser's eyes widened and he became as stiff as a board. He could not help but flex his biceps a little so they would feel strong and muscular, the way a king's should, but otherwise he could not bring himself to move lest it disturb the resting princess and cause her to move away.

She stayed by his side, snuggled next to his arm, for a glorious five minutes. She might have stayed for longer, but Bowser heard voices in the distance. _Peach likes her privacy so she might be embarrassed to be seen like this. _Though it pained Bowser to do so, he cleared his throat softly and shook his body to lightly jostle the princess.

Peach looked up with a start, her eyes moony and wide. "Oh, oh I'm so sorry…"

Bowser shook his head, dismissing her apology. The voices trailed off in the distance, leaving the area entirely quiet again. Bowser cleared his throat a second time, this time in preparation for speech. "Uh…I, um, have something for you."

Peach tilted her head to one side inquisitively. Bowser flushed as he took a long rectangular box from one of the compartments in his shell.

"I almost forgot. The box might be a little wet."

Peach accepted the box with a smile. Inside, she found a beautiful bracelet constructed of thick, coin-like gold circles about the diameter of Peach's earrings. Inside the circles were thinly cut jewels, each one corresponding to an island to which Bowser and Peach had traveled. At the end were three empty slots.

"This is so you can always remember our…adventure," he mumbled.

"Thank you," Peach replied, "it's beautiful."

"When we find the rest of the Koopalings, I'll have the rest of the slots filled. If they're not on the Jewel Islands, well, you can have whatever stones you want."

Peach blushed. Not knowing what else to say, she merely thanked him again.

"I hope…you're not too tired of helping me. I was…glad, you know, when you kept your promise and you chose to come here. So, yeah, thanks for that. But seriously, if you are tired of being on the road and adventuring and you want to go back, I'll try to find a way to get you back to the Emerald Fortress or even back home to the Mushroom Kingdom if you'd like."

Peach blinked and thought for a moment. _He is really willing to let me go home? _Her duty as princess compelled her to take him up on his offer and find a way back to her people, and yet, something compelled her to stay.

She looked at her shining new bracelet loosely clasped around her wrist, eyeing the two holes. It seemed wrong to leave an adventure incomplete. How could she abandon Bowser? What if he got into a tight spot? What would become of the Koopalings? Truthfully, she did miss her home, the comforts of her castle, her own wardrobe, the Mario Brothers, and all her other friends and servants.

Peach sighed, "Thank you for your offer. I really do miss home but…I know I need to see this through. There is a menace out there that has stolen the Koopalings and is attempting to steal their life force! Who knows why or what other atrocities he has or will commit? It is…for the good of my people and the good of the world that we track down this criminal and bring him to justice."

Bowser grinned, elated that she again chose to stay with him. He grinned until he felt like his cheeks felt like they were about to burst, feeling thankful that the dark kept his expression mostly hidden. She wanted to stay until they found all his kids!

"Thanks," he muttered, unable to find the worlds to express his extreme relief and happiness. "I…sometimes…being around you makes me want to do nice things," he stammered awkwardly. "For you only," he added quickly, lest there be any confusion.

Peach chuckled softly. "Well, it was certainly nice to have a massage, a hot shower, and a delicious meal after that ordeal on the mountain. The only thing I'm lacking right now is a soft, fluffy bed; I'm very tired. Are you ready to go back to the hotel."

Bowser groaned, lifting himself off the unforgiving dock. The swim back was more strenuous than he had realized at the time. His limbs were heavy with fatigue. "Sure, let's go back," he answered, offering his arm to the princess.

Peach kindly accepted and they journeyed back to the hotel without incident.

* * *

The next morning, Patil interrupted Bowser and Peach's fruit breakfast on the pavilion to update them on Chompy's status. Peach was relieved to hear that Chompy was making a swift recovery and his voracious appetite had made a full return. With another day of _Mausi _Latika's expert care and delicious curries, Chompy was expected to be travel ready by the next day.

In the meantime, Bowser and Peach decided to head to the marketplace to kill time and look for clues about the mysterious magician from Amber. The streets were lined with merchants under great patterned tarps selling various foods and wares. Peach held her bag closely to avoid being a victim of theft in the throng of people, though her jangling bracelet garnered a lot of attention from greedy thieves.

They stopped to admire a shop full of burnished lamps of all shapes, sizes, and metals. Peach picked up a particularly dingy looking one. "I wonder if it's got a genie inside," she joked.

The shopkeeper laughed, "Perhaps you should purchase it to find out!"

A customer looking for medicines at the next stall popped his head over to comment. "Do not be fooled by this scoundrel. He is trying to bamboozle you! A true genie in a lamp is a very rare thing! You are most likely to get a lamp with the spirit of a one-thousand-year-old man who will curse your family with his presence. He will complain about the youth and on rainy days, he will demand you rub medicine on his arthritic joints."

"Oh. What a pity." Peach said through gritted teeth, setting down the lamp gently, lest she rub it and find herself cursed with the spirit of a one-thousand-year-old man.

Some time later, a wafting scent caught Peach and Bowser's attention. It was undeniably sweet, and carried the spicy fragrance of ginger, pepper, cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, fennel, and nutmeg, all combined with the freshness of tea. Upon Peach's request, they followed the scent as best they could, hoping to find the source.

They followed their noses away from the marketplace, down a narrow alley, and into a small but cozy shop. A Koopa wearing simple garments was stirring a large pot of chai. He smiled when Bowser and Peach entered. He spoke with a thick accent, "Welcome travelers. Would you like a cup of spiced chai? Only one coin for the both of you."

Peach sniffed the air again. "Well, I wouldn't mind a break," she said, stretching her feet in her jeweled sandals. "Maybe he has some clues about your missing kids."

The Koopa gratefully accepted the coin, then dipped a long ladle into the cauldron and poured the steaming liquid into two hand-sized clay cups. He hummed happily as he rearranged his tea and spice rack. He listened carefully to Peach's speech as she talked about Bowser's missing children.

He was ready with a smirk when the princess's speech began to slur and she rapidly lost consciousness. Bowser tried to leap from his seat with a start, only to fall to his side. As Bowser lost consciousness, the last thing he saw was several more Koopas emerging from large pots in the room, approaching with cloth sacks and ropes.

Bowser, being larger, awoke first, not long after blacking out. The ropes binding him shredded easily and he found himself on the dirt floor of a dimly lit closet. As expected, his sack of coins was missing.

He found Peach next to him and attempted to shake her awake. She groaned and opened her eyes a sliver. Bowser breathed in relief before noticing her bracelet and jeweled sandals were gone.

He picked her up gently, cradling her in his arms so she wouldn't have to be on the dirty floor. Just as he was gathering his bearings, he heard a familiar voice outside the door.

"Ya gotta be kiddin' me! You moron! Now we got da law on our tails! What did I tell ya about pickin' up rich tourists?"

Bowser could hardly believe his ears. He ran to the door, only to discover it was locked from the other side. He pounded the wood with his fists in warning.

"Dis is bad. Dis is real bad. Da dupes are awake. Dis is all your fault."

Bowser could hear muffled protests from behind the door. "You fools better get out of the way, because I'm comin' out!" He roared. He set down the princess and prepared to smash down the door.

Roy looked at the door curiously, "Pops?"

The door splintered into a thousand prices and out came the mighty Koopa King ready to split heads. Roy's eyes went wide with recognition. "Pops!"

Bowser was just as pleased to see that the voice really was his son, Roy. "There better be a good explanation for this," Bowser growled, not completely able to hide the relief in his voice. "I wanna know what happened, where we are, and what's going on."

"Sure thing, Pops, but we gots bigger fish to fry right now. We gots dem Lakitus on our trail. Dere's too many to take 'em and dere gonna be here at any minute, we gotta run."

Bowser nodded, not fully understanding the circumstance, but appreciating the urgency. He picked Peach back off the floor.

"Woah-ho," exclaimed Roy, "Didn't know you brought Mama Peach along. Good thinkin', Pops."

"Don't be stupid," Bowser growled. "I dunno what mess you got us in, but you better get us out of here right now or else you'll be scrubbing the dungeons for weeks."

"Sure, sure. I had a secret passage installed, just in case my little…operation ran into any trouble."

Roy, Bowser, Peach, and a few underlings ran down a thin corridor until running into a dead end. Roy pushed up on a wooden platform above them. Light streamed from the city streets into the dark underground tunnel as everyone frantically climbed out, only to be surprised by several Holy Lakitus surrounding the area, barring entrance back into the tunnel.

"Busted!" growled Roy.

"Roy Koopa!" called the eldest, most venerated Lakitu of the group. The other Lakitus bowed their heads as he floated by. He wore flowing robes of pure white embroidered with gold thread, a tall, pointed mitre upon his head. The three royals, ignorant of tradition, failed to bow before the Lakitu. He scoffed, clearly displeased.

"You shall not escape justice this time," he proclaimed, unfurling a scroll. "Roy Koopa, you are hereby charged with petty theft, kidnapping, creating civil unrest, disturbing the peace, trespassing, participating in organized crime, and funding terrorist organizations."

Roy grimaced and growled, "Da only terrorist organization in dis town is you!"

The head Lakitu raised his upper lip in disgust. "Please add heresy on top of Mr. Koopa's charges."

"You can stuff your 'heresy'. King Dad, ya gotta listen! I was brought here by deez mooks. Of course, I ditched 'em the second I got a chance, but I got wound up in dis…thing. Our Koopa brothas have been fightin' da power! Deez here crooks have been takin' all da donations and givin' dem to some rich fat cats. My brothas here have been tryin' to expose 'em and give dis city back to da people."

"Ignorant child! You know not what you say! How can you be so sure that these 'brothers' you speak of are not merely criminals taking advantage of your childish naivety?"

Roy cracked his knuckles in a menacing way, unaccustomed to such insults against his maturity. The Lakitus shot a glance of warning at the Koopaling.

"Your Grace," Peach interjected, "as you yourself have just noted, he is only a child. Surely he cannot be tried and convicted for crimes as an adult would."

"He can and he will," the Lakitu proclaimed in a deadpan voice. "It does not suit a woman to interrupt a conversation among men. If you wish to stay in Amber, you would be well-advised to remember this advice."

Peach pursed her lips and her cheeks flushed as she seethed. _The nerve! I will not stand for this! _"If it please you, _Your Grace, _we have no desire to stay in your city. The boy is not a resident of Amber; under international law he must be deported to his home kingdom and prosecuted under the laws of his own state."

The Lakitu spun around, clearly annoyed at having been interrupted and contradicted twice, by a woman no less. "I have not heard of such law. I will check with my superiors, but in the meantime the boy is to be detained. I will hear no further argument; you will hold your tongue."

Peach stomped her foot and threw off her silken veil in protest. "I will _not _hold my tongue! This child is a royal prince of the Darklands. You have no right to detain him, especially not without proper evidence or trial. He _will _be deported according to international law, or you commit an international crime before the _Princess _of the Mushroom Kingdom and the _King _of the Darklands."

The lead Lakitu stiffened his lower lip. The others floated in closer to see what their famously unyielding leader would do. Bowser folded his arms and did his best to look generally menacing to add an element of brute force behind the red-faced, quaking woman in pink.

"Very well," retorted the Lakitu stiffly. "By the power vested in me by the almighty celestial beings, I dispose of this criminal to you according to international law under the condition that the three of you are hereby permanently banished from the Amber Holy Lands, never to return. May the stars have pity on you," he spat, barely concealing his hatred and resentment toward the royals. "Leave by sundown," he commanded, and with that, floated away with the rest of the Lakitus, muttering curses.

"Woah dere Mama Peach! Dat was some pretty fancy talkin'! You got us out of a real jam."

Peach did not seem amused. "Roy, what happened back there was really serious! You can't just come into another country and aid criminal organizations, regardless of how noble your intentions might have been."

Peach glanced at Bowser, waiting for him to intervene. He popped to attention with a start. "Uh, right, what your Mama Peach said is right! You're a criminal now, so that means as King of the Darklands, I'm gonna have to sentence you."

"Aww, man, c'mon Pops…"

"No. I was out collecting clues about where you were and then you ruined everything. You know I hate to be disturbed when I'm busy! There will be consequences!"

"'Ey, but if you weren't interrupted, you neva would have found me," Roy protested. "Speakin' of, here's your stuff." Roy tossed Bowser's sack of coins to him, and held out the bracelet. "Dis yours, Mama Peach?"

"Yes."

"So now dat you gots your stuff back and dere's no harm done, can I be let off the hook?"

"No!" shouted Peach and Bowser simultaneously.

After collecting their possessions at the hotel, Peach was delighted to reunite with Chompy; however, their celebration was to be short lived as the sun sank further into the sky.

"We gotta get outta town," Bowser muttered. "If we don't hurry up, we're not gonna have a place to stay tonight."

"Don't worry about a thing, Pops. I know a couple o' people who know a couple o' people who can getcha outta town fast."

"But, where will we go?" asked Peach.

"Not gonna lie, we're out in da middle o' nowhere. I heard some rumors about anotha Koopaling off to the East. Sounded a lot like Larry Boy, if ya know what I mean. I'll have my boys take ya out that way and put ya up for the night. It might not be as plush as da Taj over dere, but at least you'll have a roof over ya heads."

Upon cue, Roy's Koopa "brothers" showed up towing a couple of bicycle rickshaws ostensibly modified for off-road riding. "Hey man, thanks again for everything. We have to split town too before we get put in prison."

"Hey Roy," called Bowser, "I just thought of your sentence."

Roy groaned; he was hoping everyone would just forget about the whole "sentencing" thing.

"For now, I need you to get your tail back to the Emerald Fortress, by whatever means necessary. When you get there, I you will take control and mobilize the troops. You're gonna guard that fortress day and night. If I come back and there is one sentry out of place…it'll be your hide. Understand?"

Roy grinned; this was possibly the best sentence he could have asked for! "Yeah yeah, I'll do it. Now get outta here before dem rotten no-goods come back."

With that, Peach and Bowser boarded their rickshaws and parted ways with the outlaw Koopaling.

Bowser clapped his hand to his forehead and shook his head. _Kids._


	8. Going Native on Onyx Island

**A/N: Happy New Year, happy new chapter! I think this might break a personal record for fluff. Enjoy! Also, sorry for the boneheaded typo earlier. It's Onyx, like the gem, not Onix like the Pokemon. D'oh!  
**

* * *

A graceful white limousine cut elegantly through the streets of the Darklands where it stopped in front of _L'Atelier Koopa, _the only day spa in the Darklands that received a completely positive review in Koopa Couture Magazine.

Kammy stepped out of the gleaming automobile, generously tipping the driver with a sardonic smile. She felt a spine-tingling, vile sort of pleasure having a day of enjoyment against Kamek's purse.

Once inside, she wasted no time picking the most costly minerals for her bath, as well as an age-defying facial. For a split second, her pen hovered over a luxurious three-hour massage; a dangerous proposition, as the Koopa King had not given her leave of her duties. Still, His Absentness was gone away on some island and, having finished all her duties in the castle, surely nobody would miss her. Prudently, she thought, she checked instead only the two-hour massage, handed in the clipboard, and was promptly escorted to a hot bath swirling with bright orange nasturtium petals and gold dust.

She sighed deeply as the hot water eased away all her tensions. When she got back to the castle, she'd have to plot a nasty surprise for that worthless Kamek. Where had he been earlier today?

The esthetician began to rub soothing emollients over Kammy's face, delighting her with the tingle of menthol and eucalyptus. She could practically feel her wrinkles smoothing and plumping with healthy circulation. That vile pretender was always trying to make her life more difficult. It would be useless to file a complaint, as the old conjurer had ample sway with His Indifferentness. It was an abuse of power, thought Kammy, as she allowed the esthetician to squish her face into various shapes to promote "lymphatic drainage", or some such thing.

One day she'd find a way to send Kamek packing…and then…well…and then she would probably have to deal with the Koopalings on her own. She shuddered. Perhaps she could stand to see his unsightly beak poking around the castle for at least a few more years.

Kammy must have dozed off at some point during her massage because, like all good massages, it seemed to be over shortly after it began. Her limbs felt like wet noodles as she slowly clothed herself. A glance out the window told her that dusk was falling over the Darklands, so she would have limited time to return to the castle before they put the drawbridge up and started asking questions.

Jamming her feet into her usual striped stockings and boots, she made her way to the receptionist, tossing Kamek's purse onto the cool marble countertop. The receptionist quietly counted the coins, before looking up and clearing her throat. "Yes, well, your remaining balance is two hundred and eight-four coins," said the receptionist in a high, ethereal voice.

Lines creased Kammy's face in a deep frown. She was sure there would be enough coins in Kamek's purse. "Count them again," Kammy ordered, looking out the window at the rapidly darkening sky.

The receptionist's face remained unchanged. "Perhaps you'd like to add another form of payment?"

Kammy rolled her eyes and withdrew the shiny platinum business expense card from her robes. Though she knew her business expense card was only to be used for expenses directly related to orders from the Royal Family, Kammy figured accounting would probably assume it was another one of Princess Wendy's extravagant spa days. Besides, it seemed like Kammy herself was the only person who ever bothered to look at the castle accounting.

The receptionist slid the card and then waited. She looked over the familiar platinum sheen of the card, fingering the contours of the royal insignia. "Please excuse me for a moment," she said in a low hush, before dialing a number on the telephone.

Kammy tapped her feet impatiently. If she had her broom, there wouldn't be any rush, as she could just fly over the castle gates. As it was, she was not looking forward to dealing with those idiots at the gate and their "homeland security" procedures.

The receptionist returned, string at Kammy with a grim, stony look in her eyes. "I'm sorry ma'am, but your card has been denied due to 'suspicious charges' apparently made by…an elderly Magikoopa."

"Kamek!" she shouted aloud, jarring a number of nearby patrons. Out of the corner of her eye, Kammy noticed a number of security guards inching forward. Screeching with rage and indignation, Kammy withdrew her wand from the folds of her robe and sent a blast of geometric shapes toward the large chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

Shrieks filled the room as the light fixture burst into a shower of coins. Patrons and staff covered their heads, allowing Kammy enough time to race out of the building. "To the Darklandian Castle! Step on it!" she screamed at the suddenly startled limo driver.

The vehicle pulled away with all the speed and grace of a charging rhinoceros. Kammy shouted and yelped as she jostled around in the back of the limo. "Kamek," she growled in the back of her throat. This time she'd get him back for sure.

* * *

A large amplifier, turned to maximum, crackled in warning as Roy strummed his guitar impatiently.

"Iggy, getcha tail out here!"

Iggy pushed up his glasses and sighed, struggling under the weight of his electronic keyboard. "I really don't see why this is necessary."

"Why is it necessary? Why is it necessary? Iggster, please. Everyone knows da fastest way ta impress da ladies is by bein' a musician. Dey can't resist 'em! Put dat down right dere."

Iggy let out a sigh of relief as he positioned the keyboard. "Is that a fact?"

"Sure it is, I read it in a magazine once. Dey couldn't print it if it wasn't true!"

"You read? Anyhow, that's not what I meant. I don't care why you do what you do in your own time, I just don't understand why I have to be involved in this…scheme."

Roy shot Iggy a sharp glare. "I'm tryin' ta help ya out, and this…this is how you repay my kindness? 'Sides, how am I supposed to have a band without a keyboard?"

"Why can't you get one of your fri—ooph" Iggy crumpled in pain as Roy punched him squarely in the side.

"It's gonna be da best band; I even thought of an awesome name: _Koops Eastwood Bro_!"

Iggy looked up at Roy from the ground and coughed, "Wh-What?"

"Amazin', isn't it?" Roy growled with a hint of malice.

"…Yeah. Amazing."

"Alright boys," Roy called to the remaining two Koopas in the band, "ready, get set, jam!"

Silence pervaded the sunny courtyard as everyone looked to Roy to see what to do. A bird chirped in the distance.

"'Ey, I said jam!"

"We don't have any sheet music, my lord!" cried one of the band members. "We don't know what to play."

Roy frowned, "I'm workin' on dat. For now, just, uh, play somethin' and it'll come together. Ok, three, two, one, go!"

An unholy racket filled the courtyard, ricocheting off the castle walls and echoing through the corridors as each band member plucked strings, bashed drums, and pressed keys with Roy wailing wildly over the top of the noise. Instead of "coming together" as Roy had prophesized, the music became disastrously entropic as each band member began to focus solely on his own piece while trying to shut out the overwhelming noise coming from the other band members.

This terrible uproar went on for far too long before Ludwig, driven to act against his better sensibilities, opened his window and blasted down a recording of a fine composition from his own archives, adding to the din.

When the members of Koops Eastwood Bro ceased their playing, Ludwig calmly reduced the volume of his own music and called down mockingly, "What on earth are you calling that cacophonous mess down there?"

"This is Koops Eastwood Bro!" Roy shouted up with malice, "You just wait, we're gonna be da best band alive, and den we'll get all da hot chicks!"

Ludwig raised one brow, decidedly unimpressed. "Roy, I'd expect something as inane from you, but Iggy, I thought you had more common sense."

Iggy blushed in humiliation. "Well…I…"

"Shut up! Da Iggster don't have ta answer ta you. We've got practin' ta do!"

Ludwig raised both eyebrows this time, in alarm. "Make that infernal racket again and I'll personally decimate both you and your bargain-basement instruments."

"Ludo, we can't get no better if we don't practice. Don't act like you was perfect the first time you picked up an instrument."

"Actually…"

"Well, what do ya want us to do, smart ass?"

Ludwig pursed his lips and thought for a moment, "I'd prefer you commit an act of fornication upon yourself."

"Commit a what? You're pushin' me, Ludo…" Roy growled.

Ludwig brushed back his hair carelessly. "I won't be cowed. Manhandle those poor, innocent instruments again, Roy, and see what happens."

"Can ya at least write us a song or somethin'?" Roy whined.

"No!" quipped Ludwig before slamming the windows shut, and with that, it was back to sentry duty for Roy Koopa.

* * *

"So tell me again how you know Peach will be here."

Daisy shuddered at the question. "One of the people in my class said they saw Peachy and Bowser get on this train. They're not exactly hard to miss, you know." She hated to lie to Luigi, but it was just too complicated to tell the full truth. Besides, it wasn't really a lie, right?

Mario snored quietly in his seat, never one to question a lead. His shoes kicked to a corner of the cabin, he slept soundly, possibly dreaming of cannoli and ripe, aged Parmesan.

When the train pulled into the snowy station, Daisy quickly gathered her things and exited in a bit of a huff. As she stepped off the train, it was colder than she expected it to be. She glanced up at the tall mountains in the distance. _It's too bad Peachy is kidnapped…this is perfect weather for skiing!_

Mario and Luigi soon followed Daisy out of the train and onto the salted platform. Luigi's teeth chattered as the frigid wind passed through his denim overalls. "Mama mia, it's freezing out here!" the green-clad plumber exclaimed. Mario nodded in agreement.

"Hey Lu, there's a Starbeans in the station over there, maybe we can get something to warm you up!" suggested Daisy, unwilling to admit that the bitter cold was even a bit much for her. The heroes gratefully rushed toward the cozy shop.

Once clutching their drinks, they made their way to one of the few available tables in the crowded shop. The aroma of fresh brewed coffee permeated the air, and the café was alive with the bustle of people and creatures, both local and foreign.

Daisy carefully sipped the whipped cream off her triple-shot, extra hot, double caramel mocha latte. "You know what's amazing? No matter how far away from home I go, my coffee always tastes the same. I wonder how do they do it?"

Luigi buried his mustache into the thick whipped cream topping his hot cocoa. "It's just one of the many great mysteries of the world."

Daisy rolled her eyes, "Speaking of mysteries, you know what I don't get? What is Bowser doing brining Peachy all the way out here? Did he think we wouldn't follow him? I mean, what is he doing in any of these places?"

Mario furrowed his brows, taking a drink of his dark, black coffee. He caught a glimmer of bright light in the corner of his eye.

"Um, Mario?"

Mario's former partner, the bright yellow Lil' Sparky named Watt, approached the table with a wide smile on her face. "Oh my Stars, I can't believe it's you. What are you doing all the way out here? Oh, Mr. Luigi! I remember you too, I read that you went on a great adventure!"

Luigi blushed, "Oh, um…well…"

"Hi, I'm Daisy!" Daisy, extended her hand, then quickly retracted it, not wanting to risk electrocution.

"Hi Daisy, so super to meet you! Are you a friend of Mr. Mario's? Ooh, are you guys on another adventure?"

Mario quickly explained the situation to Watt. Her eyes shone brightly and she hopped happily. "Don't worry Mario, I know you'll find Princess Peach and beat Bowser like you always do." She hesitated. "Say, I know you're probably in a hurry, but if you don't turn up any leads tonight…would you want to come see my show?"

"Your show?" asked Luigi.

"Yeah, come out to the Royal Ice Field tonight if you've got the time, I think you'll really really like it!"

The Mushroom Trio spent the rest of the afternoon looking for clues but found nothing. It seemed that nobody had seen a beautiful blond woman and an evil spiked Koopa, not together at least. Finally, they stopped in at a hotel and booked a room for the night.

When evening fell, the trio made their way out into the icy streets and toward the Royal Ice Fields behind the magnificent Kremlin. Several citizens gathered together with folding chairs, thick blankets, and hot drinks. Feeling entirely unprepared, Luigi and Daisy tried to find the warmest looking patch of ice by a nearby bonfire and tentatively took a seat. Meanwhile, Mario left to try to find Watt.

Luigi shivered while Daisy shifted uncomfortably. Should she tell him? She just hated to keep secrets. Soon, she found Luigi's gloved hand pressing into hers. She loved the familiar warmth. She looked up at him and smiled. "You comfy, Lu?"

"Yeah, well, mostly," he replied. "Can you see?"

"If I knew what we were supposed to be looking at." She leaned her head on Luigi's shoulder and sighed. "Lu, I'm not sure I'm cut out for these kind of adventures."

Luigi looked worriedly at her. He hated to see her sad. "What do you mean?"

"I'm tired and cold and…well, I don't think I'm helping. I'm sure if I weren't here that Mario…I mean, you and Mario would have things completely under control."

Luigi put his arm around Daisy's shoulders softly, allowing her to sink in and share his warmth. "That's not true," he whispered into her hair, "if it weren't for you, we would have never known to come here."

Daisy's stomach dropped from under her. "Yeah…I guess…" she muttered.

"I know how you feel. I used to hate going on adventures with Mario at first. It wasn't even that it was scary; those parts were short. It was the long treks across worlds, the uncomfortable sleeping conditions, the bad food, the desert sand in my underwear."

Daisy chuckled.

"But, the point is, looking back on those times, I guess you realize how much they mean to you. How many times in your life do you really get to be a hero? I mean, unless you're Mario; he's pretty much a hero twenty-four seven. But that's not the point…the point is…well…the point…"

Daisy smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He always knew how to cheer her up, even if it wasn't always intentional.

"That." he proclaimed. "The point is that I love you and I'm so glad you came along. You make adventuring so much more fun and less miserable and I'm sure your cousin would be glad to know that you came all this way to help rescue her. But…if you really want to go home…"

Daisy smiled, her love could make even the coldest tundra seem warm. "No, we should finish this together. Thanks for making me feel better."

The bonfires around the field darkened out of respect for the coming show. Watt presented herself before shutting her eyes tightly and charging herself with electricity. Then, all at once, she began to emit glorious waves of light that reacted with the atmosphere, creating a brilliant aurora of many colors.

The crowd appropriately "oohed" and "aahed". Daisy snuggled back in with her favorite plumber. Maybe this adventure was not so bad after all.

* * *

"Bowser?" Peach called softly into the darkness, "are you asleep?"

"No," he answered gruffly, with more than a hint of discomfort in his voice. The two royals had made their beds on the dirt floor of a clay hut with no windows. Despite her protests, Bowser had insisted Peach take his blanket as extra padding between her and the floor. Nonetheless, the night was still, hot, and filled with the sound of ten thousand swarming insects.

They had come as far away from Amber as possible on the uncomfortable rickshaw before the sun went down behind them. Peach gently poked at her side and a sharp pain reminded her that her fresh bruises were indeed still there. It seemed no position was comfortable, so she tossed and turned inside her little cot.

"Do you know where we are?" she asked.

"Not a clue."

Peach's stomach growled, she had eaten nothing since that morning's fruit breakfast. She began to feel quite homesick. _Poor Bowser, he must be even hungrier than I am. If only I had bought some snacks from the Amber market. _For the first time, she realized that she had hardly been on a true adventure at all. Bowser had been providing for all her needs, making her as comfortable as possible; stars, he had even given up his blanket so that she could be more comfortable tonight.

She touched her hand to her face and looked over at him. Peering through the darkness, she could only just make out that he appeared to be playing tic-tac-toe with himself in the dirt floor. He sighed heavily, blowing his victory away.

He didn't want to admit he had no idea where they were, no idea what to do, and no idea how to find his remaining two sons. He grumbled in discontent; he was hot, hungry, and worried.

Peach fumbled around in her bag, but had no device with which to tell the time.

"What are you doing?" muttered Bowser.

"Do you think it's safe to go outside for fresh air?"

Bowser sat up. "Probably…But I should go with you…I mean…if that's, uh, okay with you." Unused to asking for permission, the Koopa King fumbled his words.

Peach smiled to herself, she had assumed he would just come along, without asking her permission. She found the gesture oddly sweet. "Yes, I think that would be a wise decision. Thank you."

Outside, stars burned in a dark, still sky. The bugs were even louder outside, but at least there was a slight wind to cool their bodies. By the looks of it, the campfire had been extinguished hours ago. It wasn't long before Bowser noticed the rickshaws were missing. They had been deserted.

Peach was busy admiring the swaying grasses covering the land outside their circular camp as far as the eye could see. She dared not venture into the grass, as unknown bugs made their presence know with various chirps and rattles, but she did climb upon a pile of rocks to better see the golden waves of grass swaying in the thin sliver of waxing moonlight.

Bowser checked his shell and was thankful to have stored his remaining coins within. How stupid he had been to trust criminals, even if they did owe a debt of gratitude. As they say, there is no honor among thieves.

Bowser found himself in a moral dilemma; should he tell Peach and make her worry, or let her be blissful for the evening and pretend to be surprised with her in the morning. He looked up at her sitting atop the pile of glittering granite. He trusted her to handle bad news…

Peach was startled out of her thoughts when the Koopa King suddenly sat next to her. "Look at the grass, Bowser…look how it moves. Isn't it mesmerizing?"

"Yeah." He was glad she liked looking at the grass. He hoped she really liked looking at the grass, because chances are they'd be seeing their fair share of it tomorrow. "Hey, I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to freak out."

Peach looked up, worried, "What is it?"

"I said you have to promise…you're already freaking out and I haven't even said anything yet."

Peach frowned at him and then took a deep breath. "Alright, I promise."

"Those guys with the rickshaws are gone. They left us here."

Peach's eyes widened, and then her shoulders sunk with disappointment. "Oh…are you sure they're really gone?" she asked, a hint of hope in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm sure of it."

Peach sunk further, "Oh."

"Yeah, so I figured we'd leave tomorrow morning and just keep heading east, on foot, and hopefully we'll find something…somewhere. You might want to rest up, because it could be a long way."

Peach looked warily at the stretch of grasslands waving in the wind. Somehow it looked a little less magical now. She clutched her empty stomach and sighed. "If you don't mind, could we stay out here for a little longer? I don't think I'd be able to sleep in that hut just yet."

Bowser nodded in agreement and noticed with surprise when Peach put her head on his arm in sleepy response. They sat together in silence, any awkwardness being swallowed up by the loud din of bugs and the blackness of night. After a while, Bowser slowly crept his hand toward the hand of the dozing princess and wound his hand around hers, softly lacing his fingers between each of hers.

Peach opened her eyes in surprise, and pressed her lips together, unable to suppress a tiny smile. She knew she ought to withdraw her hand, recoil, and admonish the Koopa King in some way, but somehow it just felt right to be so close to somebody. Instead, she decided to pretend she could ignore the electric touch and her tingling cheeks and pressed her face closer to the Koopa King's arm, letting out a soft "snore" to ensure Bowser would not think she was at all cognizant of this situation.

It wasn't long before both royals were genuinely asleep, leaning on one another for support. Peach awakened first to a red glow upon the horizon. At first, she was startled to find herself so close to Bowser, but his slow, rhythmic breathing told her that he was asleep. She shifted her body and came to the sudden realization that everything ached. Scratching her arm, she noticed several small bug bites. Perhaps sleeping outside wasn't the best idea.

She shook Bowser gently. He awoke with a growl. "Bowser, look…" she cooed softly. The entire sky was red with sunrise and a brilliant, giant orange disk was rising in the east. Even Bowser sat in captivated interest for a while before he began to twitch uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?"

"My tail's asleep," he replied sheepishly.

"Oh, well, we should probably get going anyhow…there's no telling how long we'll need to be on the road." She gripped her stomach, once again painfully aware that it had now been almost twenty-four hours since she had eaten anything. Bowser leaped off the rock, shaking the ground as he landed. Once he had gathered their belongings, they left camp, heading toward the rising sun.

The sun climbed the sky quickly, baking the world beneath it. Bowser cut a path through the grass valiantly but it was not long before Peach and Bowser ran into a very big problem.

"Bowser?" asked Peach, wiping the sweat off her brow. "Do we have any water?" She was afraid to know the answer.

Bowser looked at her with a hint of regret. Reptiles do not sweat, but he would have appreciated a drink hours ago. He swallowed hard. They had no food, no water, and no idea where they were. What's worse is nobody would even know where to come look for them until it was already far too late.

Peach licked her dry lips and looked down sadly. She had felt so much safer with Bowser in control of the situation. Another painful, miserable hour ticked by until Peach caught something moving out of the corner of her eye.

"Look, Bowser, look!" she gasped. In the distance was a great wooly beast with gigantic ivory tusks. It eyed them with malice and snorted in their direction. It pawed the ground like an animal about to…

"Peach look out!" roared Bowser, grabbing her and pulling her out of the way. The enormous beast charged past then, moving faster than you'd expect from such a large, cumbersome animal. Up close, it was even more frightening, dwarfing even Bowser with its large size. It shook its body in agitation.

"Get somewhere safe," he panted before leaping out of the way of another charge.

Peach ran quickly toward some large green bushes, hoping to find shelter. Her dry mouth felt like paste and her limbs ached with dehydration. It was some relief to seek shelter in the shade, but the relief dissipated when through the leaves she caught sight of Bowser doing battle with the monstrous beast. She saw wave after wave of fire while the beast charged and swung its tusks from side to side.

Worry and fear gripped her stomach so tightly she thought she might throw up, were there anything for her stomach to evacuate. She found herself so engrossed that she almost missed a strange sound in the bushes next to her. _Almost. _There was a snapping of twigs and a strange "boing boing" noise. Peach hardly had time to turn around before there was a sack around her and she found herself carried away into the grassland.

* * *

The native Spear Guys carefully pointed their spears toward the shaking bag while the hunt leader carefully untied it. The brown, woven material dropped around a curious looking creature. It was tall, but slender and lacking muscle definition. It was wrapped in a foreign pink silk; very different than the berry red robes of the natives. It made a loud, high-pitched, and repetitive scream. The hunt leader directed his second in command to poke it gently with his spear.

It shrieked, but quieted down. The hunt leader noticed the golden hair, matted down with sweat and dirt. He gestured to one of the females in the hunting party, who immediately brought a hollowed out fruit filled with lightly scented water, she offered it to Peach, who began to drink greedily. The Spear Gal filled the bowl a number of times before Peach had consumed her fill.

Meanwhile, the Spear Guys cautiously began to touch and prod the creature, until one curious native lifted the folds of the skirt earning himself a yell and a look of contempt. The hunt leader laughed; this supported his assumption that the creature was female. He conveyed this to the rest of the party, and ordered the Spear Gals to bind the captive and lead her to the lake in the village.

Once at the precipice between the land and the lake, the Shy Gals removed her shackles and unceremoniously pushed her into the water. The lake was a surprisingly pleasant temperature. Peach could practically feel the sweat and grime melting off of her; however, she did not have much time to think about her impromptu bath, as the Spear Gals were already pulling her out of the lake, trying to remove her dripping wet garments. Peach shrieked, trying to bat away their grasping hands while avoiding the pointed ends of the spears.

Eventually, she found herself overwhelmed by the natives and reluctantly allowed them to remove most of her garments. Admittedly, she felt much cooler than before, if a little embarrassed. The natives goggled at her curiously for only a short time before bringing her a skirt made of soft grass to wear and gesturing for her to sit on a nearby stone.

Several you natives came out, giggling at their captive, from her odd shape to the blush on her cheeks. They pulled at her wet hair, braiding it into a regal chignon with feathers and flowers within. The elder women anointed her wrists and neck with sweet oils from citrus and nuts and placed chunky gold jewelry around her neck, wrists, and ankles.

The natives brought her red berry robes, much like those worn by the natives themselves. However, they were quite disappointed when they did not fit, the sleeves uncomfortably tight and the bottom of the robe barely coming over her navel. The younger native girls laughed uproariously at the ridiculousness of her appearance. At last, the natives decided to wrap her chest with the pink silk sari they had previously taken from her.

From the village, Peach could smell the luscious scent of a barbeque. She gestured at the natives, pointing to her mouth with a pleading expression upon her face. The Spear Gals nodded, but otherwise paid her no mind. They placed thin, golden chains between her golden shackles and prodded her lightly with a spear, urging her forward, toward a large clay hut.

Inside sat a large Spear Guy who looked to be a shaman of sorts. He lead a few chants in the mysterious Shy Guy language, then dipped a finger in a deep red paste, smearing it over Peach's cheeks in four lines, much like thick whiskers. The shaman then led Peach back into the bright sunlight, toward the village temple, where she was completely unprepared for the sight before her.

Bowser sat, on a magnificent throne at the head of a large table, covered in feast items. His mane contained beads and feathers and his face was painted with a number of tribal markings. On either side of the great Koopa King were Spear Guys holding enormous fans. Nearby, the village chief sat, looking both nervous and pleased at having such a divine presence in his village.

The shaman bowed before the Koopa King, then thrust Peach forward, forcing her to bow before him as well. Bowser nearly betrayed himself at the sight of her, being so relieved to see her alive and unharmed. However; he caught himself and turned an indifferent eye to the captive.

He held his hand above his head, and spoke in that mysterious language. Peach would have never guessed Bowser could speak any foreign language, and yet the highs and lows of the language sounded familiar, yet unnatural, rolling from his tongue.

At the king's behest, the natives brought peach to his side and urged her to sit at the table. Peach salivated at all the fresh, ripe fruits, spongy breads, and spiced savories. In the distance, she could see the enormous carcass of the beast Bowser had been fighting being prepared for roasting.

The natives gestured to the table, urging Peach to eat. She did not need to be asked twice. She ate with immense pleasure, savoring every bite of food and feeling as if it was the most delicious she had ever tasted.

Halfway through the meal, one of the chieftain's daughters brought out a large flask of honeyed mead, performing a scared ceremony involving highly intricate placement and technical pours. She offered the first bowl of mead to Bowser, placing the bowl high above her head and kneeling on a woven mat. Bowser accepted the bowl from the girl, who blushed in satisfaction before scampering off to her sisters. He tasted the mead, and looked at the natives who were looking back at him, apparently in great expectation. He raised his arms and nodded his head. The natives cheered, apparently taking this to mean the Great Deity approved of the drink and would allow the other villagers to consume it.

Peach loved the taste of the sweet mead, its mellow notes of golden honey married perfectly with the sparkling finish of fermentation. She hardly noticed how much she had imbibed as the natives constantly kept her bowl filled. A bright pink blush crept over her cheeks and she smiled jovially at all the natives, which appeared to please them greatly.

Eventually, the feast came to an end. Once the dishes were cleared away, the entire village proceeded to the steps of the temple. The world seemed to wobble and swirl around the Princess, as she was lead up the steps next to the Koopa King. He couldn't help but beam down at her a bit. She looked so lovely in her island attire. Still, he did not know how much longer the Spear Guys would be tricked into thinking he was a god, and he doubted the natives would be so hospitable to an imposter.

The chief called for silence and the shaman began to speak. Bowser listened carefully, though he had always hated taking Shy Guy language when he was a Koopaling. He heard something about the Great Horned Deity, that was him. A blessing from the sun, to help them defeat…_what was that word again…_from the East. Behold his offering…_that stupid animal I took down…_and an offering in return. Bowser briefly let his mind wander to how awesome it would be to get presents until he came to an unwelcome realization: it was not a present, it was an _offering._

Peach stood at the top of the steps with Bowser, naïve and tipsy. _I wonder what they're talking about…it was very kind of them to take us in and feed us like this. _However,her happy smile fell off her face when she noticed the eyes of all the natives on her, looking at her strangely though their masks. She looked up at Bowser and saw that he had noticeably blanched. "Wh-what's going on?" she asked in spite of herself.

Bowser dared not look down at Peach. They meant to make a sacrifice of her and if they both wanted to get out of this village of dozens of armed Spear Guys unscathed, he was going to have to come up with a plan, quickly. Despite his better judgment, he looked down at his would be victim, who looked back at him with confusion in her eyes.

He thought of a plan…a terrible, awful, horrible plan that had the potential to backfire in every way possible, but yet, if he did nothing…

He made a terrible roar and breathed fire into the air. The crowd cheered and chanted. He placed a strong hand around Peach's tiny waist, shuddering inwardly at touching the bare skin of her back and midriff. _Focus Bowser, there'll be time for that later. _And yet, his heart was hammering, the blood rushing in his ears drowning out all sound. He could very well be making the worst decision of life.

Peach gasped and a look of confused panic crossed her face. "Bowser!" she cried, "Wh-what are you doing? Put me down…"

He looked her in the eyes for a brief second. _Just go with it, man. _"I'm sorry," he mouthed silently before he pressed his lips against hers, drawing her close to him. The crowd fell to a dead silence. Peach's eyes widened as far as they could go and time seemed to stand still. She couldn't tell if it was just the wine but she thought she could feel warm tingles running up and down through her body. She thought about this for a second before…_What in the world is happening to me? Am I really kissing… _Bowser withdrew before she could finish her thought.

"Bowser?" Peach whispered, completely out of breath.

The sight of the pale, quaking girl in front of them impressed the natives greatly. Who could have known this Great Horned God was so powerful as to suck the very soul from a body and feast upon it so, as he clearly just had. Thus was his power, so immense, and so absolutely frightening. The natives erupted into wild cheers and prostrated themselves before their frightening demon god.

Peach could not find words to speak. Her lips tingled and her heartbeat was like that of a hummingbird's. She didn't know how to feel about what just happened. For Granbi's sake, she didn't exactly know _what _just happened. But, she thought secretly to herself…_maybe…just maybe…it would be nice if…it would happen again._

* * *

Peach could only daydream in absentminded silence as the natives apparently prepared for some kind of journey. They had outfitted Bowser with heavy metal plates and all were sharpening their spears.

Bowser commanded a litter and four attendants for Princess Peach because, he explained to the Spear Guys, she was now his eternal slave and thus required divine attention. He added that he would be very displeased should any harm come to his new favorite gift. The Spear Guys bought it and sent for their strongest men to carry and guard the litter.

_Ay yi yi, I've got to get us away from these nuts. _Bowser was certainly a tyrant, but slavery was never really his thing, particularly not _that _variety of slavery.

The afternoon trek across the grasslands was far more pleasant than that morning's journey. It was still blazing hot, but at least everyone was fed, watered, and generally well attended. Strong Spear Guys out front wielded giant machetes with which to cut the grass, while younger native males played drums behind them.

In the middle of the procession was Peach's heavily guarded litter. Being in no condition for rational thought, Peach instead was allowed to entertain herself with another bowl of honeyed mead in the privacy of her curtained carriage, where she alternately reenacted her first truly romantic kiss and castigated herself for taking any delight in it whatsoever. After all, she should be furious…shouldn't she? She dissolved into red-faced giggles. From without of the litter, the Spear Guy guards heard the giggles of a woman apparently deprived of soul and sanity in one fell swoop. They silently vowed to worship the Great Horned One with double intensity and to never cross his physical incarnation.

Soon, the sun began to fall over the vast plains of Onyx Island. The flaming sun was soon setting behind them before twilight began to paint the sky deep blue. Suddenly, in the distance, came the intense, unrelenting sound of rival drums. War drums.

Shrouded in the growing darkness, the warring tribe of Spear Guys, cloaked in deep blue robes, launched their attack. Similarly, the red Spear Guys raced forward until spears clashed against shields and the grasslands were awash with the sounds of battle.

_This is my chance; I've got to get Peach and get out of here. _He let out a theatrical roar and some fire for good measure, while secretly searching through the battle to find Peach and her litter. However, in the confusion, another would find her much faster.

"Hey Mama Peach!" called Larry.

Peach seemed taken aback to find the young Koopaling in her litter. "Larry! What are you doing here? What's going on outside?"

"Oh, uh, there are these two tribes who have been at war for years. When the blue guys found me, they thought I was some sort of Great Spirit or something. I'm not really sure, I'm only in my second year of Shy Guy Language class, and the accent here is really weird."

Peach gasped, "That must be what happened to your father and why we were treated so hospitably, but…we're with the red army!"

"Oh, those blue guys are really cool, we can't let King Dad get his claws into them."

"You're right, we must find your father and stop them."

Peach exited the litter and was immediately stopped by her guards.

"Please, you must let me through." The guards showed no comprehension of her speech.

Larry popped out from behind her. The guards nearly dropped their spears in shock. Could it be a child of the Great Horned One, born of their humble gift? This was surely an auspicious omen. And naturally the newborn child longed to meet his father. The guards kneeled and allowed Peach and the Koopaling passage.

Though the battle was intense under the cover of darkness, it was not hard to spot the Koopa King, blowing fire and generally terrorizing the natives, friend and foe.

"King Dad!" Larry called. "You've got to get them to stop the fighting!"

Bowser turned around, surprised to hear his son's voice. "Larry?"

"King Dad, they think you're an all powerful god! Tell them the fighting displeases you or something! Hurry, before more people get hurt."

Bowser rolled his eyes. Why should he care if a bunch of savages wanted to kill each other? But he supposed any creature that was smart enough to realize how awesome and studly he really was deserved some kind of a break. "Cover your ears," he instructed Larry and Peach.

Bowser let out an earth-shattering roar, and all fighting stopped momentarily as every Spear Guy turned to look at the Great Horned One. Bowser iterated that the violence and bloodshed greatly displeased him. He ordered a bonfire be lit and a meeting take place between the tribal leaders.

Within half an hour, the two tribes were seated around a large bonfire. The blue tribe sat behind their Great Spirit Child, while the red huddled by the Great Horned One. The blue Spear Guys shifted uncomfortably in their seats, as they began to feel severely outmatched in terms of patron deity.

As the Spear Guys began to speak, they brought up age-old debates about land usage, territory, resource sharing, religious customs, and so on. Bowser rolled his eyes; it was just like dealing with negotiations back in the Darklands. He couldn't help but smile a little though, as it was excellent practice for his son, who was fielding questions like a pro, considering he didn't speak the language very well. Perhaps one day his son would make a fine diplomat. After several hours of intense debate, the Spear Guys finally came to a tentative agreement.

Back inside the largest clay hut in the red Spear Guy's village, Peach, Bowser, and Larry all retired for the evening.

"Larry," Peach asked, "what about those terrible people who kidnapped you and your siblings?"

Larry looked down, "Oh, yeah…that. I gave them the slip ages ago. Uh, actually, I have a bit of a confession to make. I heard about these wars going on in one of my history classes and…I knew you'd come looking for me and I knew you could stop it so…I actually came here on purpose."

Bowser growled, "You idiot! Do you realize your Mama Peach and I could have died?"

"King Dad! Shh! I'm sorry, honest. But…those guys still think we're Great Spirits and they don't, you know, die. So please, keep it quiet."

"Well they think your Mama Peach is my slave, so she still could have died, so there."

Peach looked up in shock, "They think what?"

Bowser closed his mouth quickly. "Don't worry about it; I said what was necessary to keep you safe."

Peach huffed and folded her arms across her chest.

"See? Look how upset you've made Mama Peach. You apologize to her."

Larry put his hands behind his back, "I'm sorry Mama Peach. I didn't mean to put you in any danger."

Bowser grumbled, "I can't believe you kids, first Roy with the organized crime, and now you with your political activism. Why can't I have normal kids like everyone else?"

"Don't worry King Dad, last I checked Morton's still an idiot."

Bowser scowled.

Peach smiled and touched his arm, "It's only right, Bowser. How could someone as extraordinary as you have ordinary kids?"

Bowser nearly blushed at the compliment. Was she…flirting with him? Larry grinned big. "Well, this is getting gross and mushy, I'm gonna go sleep in my own room now. See ya!"

Peach quickly pulled away from Bowser, her cheeks burning bright pink.

Bowser cleared his throat, "Well then, we should probably get some sleep too. You're welcome to share my bed, Princess."

Peach folded her arms across her chest at the mere suggestion. "That hardly seems a proper sleeping arrangement for a mere slave. I'll find my own sleeping arrangements thank you…goodnight _master."_

She turned on her heel and left Bowser alone in the round, candlelit chamber. Bowser shrugged his shoulders and smirked. _Guess she liked pretending to be my wife better._


	9. Tough Customers in Tourmaline City

**A/N: Wow, this took forever and was SO so hard for me to write. It's like the words just wouldn't come or something. Anyhow, enjoy the chapter and stay tuned for the epilogue. As always, thanks for being so patient and all the nice reviews. You guys are the best =)**

* * *

Fuming with rage, Kammy slammed the door to her office. Company card denied, publicly humiliated, hassled at the gate and, worst of all, she could just feel the knots in her back retightening due to the recent stressful circumstances. She'd _kill _that worthless sack of scum if it were the last thing she did.

She huffed and heaved her way over to her wooden office chair, the glimmer of revenge in her eyes. Oh yes, she'd go through the financials; she'd prove it was him gallivanting around town _inappropriately allocating funds. _ She'd get him fired and to the Underwhere with the consequences. Once she was first in command, her first task would be to conduct interviews and hire someone _competent _for once. That would certainly be a nice change of pace.

_Now...just what did you purchase, Kamek? _She gritted her teeth maliciously as she skimmed the various lines of the statements. _My Stars, this castle wastes a lot of coins. _The list spanned hopelessly long with everything from the (considerable) costs of Wendy's personal wardrobe to Morton's several "emergency" trips to McGoomba's when he felt like having delicious golden fries. While a normal Koopa would have shrugged her shoulders and admitted the impossibility of finding one or more purchases with unknown transaction dates, places, and amounts; Kammy, as if possessed, pressed on with wicked intent.

Meanwhile, Kamek munched on a red velvet cupcake he picked up at the bakery on his way home from the mall. He felt great; thanks to yet another prescription increase, Kamek could see better, well enough to tell that he looked fantastic in his fashionable new glasses and robe. Even the young ladies at the bakery were giving him second looks, or at least so he told himself. The castle was clean and in pristine shape and somebody had _finally _gotten around to replacing that bit of carpet where Larry had melted a hole the last time he had hiccups.

Life was good and Kamek felt completely content except for the stray nagging feeling that both his broom and coin purse were still missing and had not turned up even with diligent searching. Perhaps Kammy might know something but…he glanced toward the open box of cupcakes; perhaps a peace offering would be in order.

He slowly approached her office door holding the cupcake in front of him shakily. It was uncomfortably quiet behind the door. His hesitated, then let one steady knock echo throughout the hallway. The door whipped open with particular fury. "I thought I told you no inter—it's YOU!"

Kammy brandished her wand and sent several rapid-fire shots of geometrically shaped magic blasts at Kamek. The cupcake fell to the floor with a squish, forgotten in the chaos. Kamek's quick reflexes (for his age) allowed him to put up a deflection spell before the blasts reached him.

"What's going on?" yelled Kamek, amidst the cacophony of shattering glass and clattering possessions.

Kammy seethed, "You ruined everything you wretched…awful..." She clamped her hands over her face. "Leave at once."

Kamek withdrew his barrier with trepidation. "There there…what have I done to upset you?"

Kammy pierced his eyes with a fierce glare, her eyes wild and red with stinging tears. "The one time His Nastiness and the brats are out, you pile my desk full of useless, ridiculous work. I did it; I got all that awful nonsense off my desk, and I still had half a day to myself." Kammy paused, remembering something. "You took my broomstick, didn't you?"

"Well, I…"

"My broomstick was missing when I needed it for OFFICIAL BUSINESS. Did you take it or not?"

"Actually, my broomstick was missing earlier today too so I was actually coming in here to see if you knew where it was."

"You idiot! You DID take my broom! If you had half a brain inside that ugly head of yours you'd remember you ordered repairs on your stupid broom. You forgot all about it and then just assumed it would be okay to take poor old Kammy's broom…after all, where would she go when she had all _your _work to do?"

Kammy shuddered. He rode that broom. He rode _her broom._ He straddled the broom, his withered…_body parts _on her broom handle. The thought was too much to take. "I'll have you FIRED, you wait and see!"

Kamek removed his fashionable new glasses and polished them against his new silken robes so that Kammy could see them better. "Oh? On what grounds?"

Kammy's expression hardened, her eyebrows raised in a smug expression of superiority. "Improper use of state funds. Oh, are you surprised? Yes, I know all about your little shopping spree." She held the papers aloft and shook them for good measure. "I don't know what you've bought just yet, but when I find it and I'm going to sing like a little bird. When King Bowser finds out, you'll be lucky to get away with your shell intact; you'll be eating out of garbage cans and doing magic tricks at Koopalings' birthday parties for a living. Who would hire the Magikoopa who was stealing funds from the state for outrageous shopping sprees? Your career is over!"

"Indeed." Kamek snatched a dark blue bundle of fabric from Kammy's desk. "This is a curious item; tell me, where did you find this?"

Kammy turned red and opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"This looks to be my coin purse and it seems to be…empty. That's strange because I was certain I had at least 200 coins in here. You see, I would have liked to pay for all my purchases myself, but it appears someone in the castle had purloined it. Whatever could it be doing in your office, Kammy?"

"That was after!" she snapped, blushing in embarrassment. "You had no intention of paying for anything; you had already left when I found it!"

"And I can only assume it was empty when you found it?"

"Who cares? The paltry amount of coins in that purse wasn't even enough to pay for my massage. Imagine my shock when the business expense card was declined due to suspicious activity by an elderly Magikoopa."

Kamek raised one eyebrow and Kammy quickly clamped her hands to her mouth in realization. "My, that sounds like a sticky situation. Was the spa terribly upset about not being paid? I can't help but notice you said you did try to use the business card…for your massage. Did I hear that correctly?"

Kammy stared at Kamek in stony silence. Maybe she would be the one eating out of garbage cans; it would be her word against his unless she could find proof.

Kamek softened and conjured the cupcake toward him, undoing the damage caused from the drop until it was in his hands, good as new. He teased, "So…you haven't said anything about my new robe and glasses yet. Do you like them?"

Kammy huffed in response.

"Well, I do thank you for reminding me where my broom went and I'm glad yours turned up as well. If we're all done here I think I'll be on my way now." He turned to exit and then turned back around to face Kammy. "Oh, I almost forgot…I picked this up for you." He levitated the pristine red velvet cupcake onto her desk and closed the office door behind him.

Kammy slumped in her chair and swiped the castle financials onto the floor. _There goes my evening plans. _She sighed, eyeing the cupcake. She vowed to never again eat or drink anything from Kamek again after the whole (allegedly accidental) love potion incident. The dessert looked lovely, with sparkling sugar on top of the creamy white frosting. Oh, _what the hell. _She shrugged, peeled the paper wrapper off the cake, and took a big bite.

* * *

"Lu," Daisy whispered, "Where are we?"

Luigi shrugged, her guess was as good as any. Even Mario looked lost, but still followed the pathway as determined as ever. No clues came from the frosted lands of Alexandrite; it was as if Bowser and Peach has disappeared into thin air, leaving the trail as cold as the snow.

The heroes had decided to catch a train going southeast away from the barren ice lands and had reached a kingdom of perpetual spring. Fragrant blossom petals fluttered down and littered the paths and curved rooftops and wooden bridges arched over the streams and ponds carving their way through the endless expanse of refined oriental gardens.

Luigi stopped to peer into the water and found the hungry mouths of decorative cheep cheeps breaking the surface. The world was at once still and tranquil and yet humming with activity just under the surface. Luigi breathed a sigh in relaxation. If the rest of the trip were as peaceful as this, he certainly would not mind.

Beyond a number of ornate stone Koopa statues, a red lantern hung from the eaves of a wooden building. The smell of frying _gyoza_ emanating from the _izakaya_ made all the heroes salivate. Perhaps it would be best to take a moment to refresh themselves and form another plan.

Mario pushed aside the painted silk _noren _in the doorway, revealing several quiet residents already dining at low tables, sitting on tatami mats. A red-shelled Parakoopa floated over and bowed, indicating the three should remove their shoes before continuing. Once at the table, she brought the heroes three steaming cups of jade tea, a delicate blossom floating in each one.

They unfurled the menu scroll to reveal its tantalizing secrets: luscious handmade noodles, juicy dumplings, flavorful _yakitori, _and fresh, simple desserts. The trio looked at one another, their eyes wide with a newfound hunger. Surely Peach would be okay for a little while longer. They would not be able to help her at all if they were not properly fed.

The server returned to find all three heroes with big smiles on their faces. "We'll take one of everything please."

* * *

"Ow, ow, ow..." Peach whimpered, squirming under the Koopa King's touch.

"I know, I know…be still," he commanded, breaking off another piece of aloe vera. He rubbed the goopy juice over Peach's tender reddened skin. At least in Amber she had been covered, kept safe from the sun's blistering rays. In Onyx, she had no such protection. At home, she usually carried a parasol and wore gloves and sunscreen to keep her skin safe, but out here in the wilderness…

Peach howled. "Please, are we done?"

"Not yet." Bowser's hand twitched has he tried to rub the aloe juice as gently as he could over her back with his large fingers. He bit his lip, trying to hold back thoughts about her soft skin and oddly...distracting little noises of distress. "Alright, all done."

Peach looked back at him, her face and body tomato red. Bowser held back a laugh.

"It's not funny," she pouted. "I look awful and feel even worse. I couldn't even sleep last night, everything felt like sandpaper."

Bowser wished he could give her a hug or otherwise comfort her, but thought better of it. "Larry found the only Shy Guy in town with a cell phone and he's using it to try to communicate with the fortress on Emerald and see if we can find a way out of here."

Peach nodded; neither she nor the Koopa King knew exactly where they were located, but if Larry could get ahold of Emerald Fortress, the minions would be able to trace the phone's coordinates and rescue them. It certainly sounded like a better plan than wandering through the grasslands, roasting to death under the sun.

Bowser snapped his fingers and commanded a Shy Guy to bring another berry juice for Peach. "You just focus on staying hydrated."

Bowser thought about Junior, the only Koopaling he had yet to find. They had been on the road for so many days; he hoped it would not be too late. He growled softly in his throat; what was taking Larry so long? What if something happened to the fortress on Emerald Island? Bowser paced the floor like an expecting father in the hospital waiting room.

After what felt like forever, Larry knocked on the hut door. "They're coming," he sang through the door before Bowser had a chance to open it.

Bowser whipped the door open, "What?"

"They're coming to get us, it should only be a few hours. Iggy fished the Clown Car up from the ocean and he and Ludwig have been working to fix it up, no thanks to anyone else I guess. At least Roy sent out some spies and found out where they're holding Junior."

Lines of worry creased Bowser's face. "Where who's holding him? Who's responsible for this? Whose ass do I have to kick?"

Larry shrugged, "I don't know, but I bet we're going to find out soon. They said Junior's not hurt so…don't worry, okay King Dad?"

"I'm a dad, it's my job to worry. How would you like it if it were you and someone was telling me not to worry about you? Those siblings of yours better step on it; the sooner we get to Junior the better."

Larry shrugged again and closed the door behind him. Peach gave Bowser gentle but chiding look. "You could have said thank you. I'm sure he's worried about Junior too, everyone shows things in their own way." Bowser grumbled in reply.

"Oh Bowser, cheer up. This is great news. We have our own transportation and we know where Junior is. We'll get him back, I just know it. We'll work together." She smiled at him and he had to admit, it was contagious. He grinned back at her; it would be great to see his son again.

* * *

Before long, the Clown Car appeared high in the sky with six rowdy Koopalings aboard, fighting for the controls. A few tense minutes passed as the Clown Car lurched back and forth through the sky, trying to land. At last, Iggy seized control of the yoke and piloted the vehicle to a rocky landing.

"Iggy!" screamed Wendy, "Like, why don't you watch what you're doing? I nearly broke my nail because of your awful driving!"

Roy made a sophomoric joke about women drivers and immediately received a sharp elbow to the stomach. "'Ey, who did dat?"

Bowser and Peach exited their dim hut to be greeted by the rambunctious children.

"King Dad! Mama Peach!"

Lemmy hugged Peach tightly (which she endured through her burns) as Iggy explained, "We didn't think you'd end up all the way out here."

Ludwig caught a bit of dust in his throat and coughed loudly. "Can we kindly evacuate these primitive premises? Our younger sibling could be in grave peril." He looked accusingly at the rest of the Koopalings still reuniting with Bowser and Peach.

"Oh yeah, we gotta get a move on super fast or else Junior might get vacuumed up like a dusty dust mite who eats dust." He laughed to himself, though Bower failed to see what was so funny.

"Okay, all aboard!" called Peach, helping Lemmy into the Clown Car. The Koopalings all smiled, they had never seen their Mama Peach so happy to board the copter as she was now.

"Mama Peach, I like, love your outfit. So native chic with the grass and the flowers. Did Daddy give you that bracelet?"

"Mama Peach, do you wanna hear my new joke?"

"Mama Peach doesn't want to hear your stupid jokes Morton."

"Your stupid face is a stupid joke, you stupid face."

Iggy casually piloted the Clown Car to the coordinates given by Roy's spies while the other Koopalings vied for Peach's attention. Bowser sat in the passenger's seat, deep in rumination. His eyes shifted from Koopaling to Koopaling. Wasn't anyone worried about Junior?

* * *

Skyscrapers challenged the stony grey sky while smokestacks pumped pollution into the already contaminated atmosphere. Workers in suits with sallow faces shuffled about from building to building, their backs permanently humped from craning over a workstation for far too many hours a day.

The passengers of the Clown Car coughed and sputtered as the Car made its descent through the smog layer and into the aerodrome.

"Eew, this place stinks! Let's find Junior and, like, go home already."

Iggy managed to land the Clown Car with significantly more grace than before. However, the group of eight barely made it two steps off the platform before being accosted by two white piranha plants. "Welcome to Tourmaline City, Inc." one stated. "Please state your business name and the nature of your visit."

Bowser frowned, "Business name? I don't need a business name! I'm Lord Bowser Koopa, King of the Darklands and my business is stomping fools!"

The two Piranha plants looked at one another and nodded. "Foreign dignitaries, we welcome you to our friendly empire of capitalism. Please allow us to escort you to the capitol building where we will schedule for you a meeting with our President and CEO, as policy dictates."

The Piranha plants led the royals out of the aerodrome and down a few oddly empty avenues. The streets were covered in the soot and grime of an industrialized city, without a trace of Dickensian charm. Buildings appeared to have been constructed as cheaply and efficiently as possible, with minimal regard to ornamentation.

"Where are all the cars and people?" whispered one of the Koopalings.

"It's quarter after one," replied a Piranha Plant. "All of our staff members have finished lunch and should be back inside their offices, hard at work."

"What exactly do you do here at Tourmaline City, Inc.?" Peach asked.

"Business," replied the Piranha Plant, with a noticeable degree of pride.

"Yes, but what kind of business?"

The Piranha Plants stopped in their tracks and looked back at Peach, as if they could not comprehend what she had said. "The usual kind," it finally replied, leading the royals into the even filthier subway station.

"Please excuse the mess," said the other plant, "this area is subject to a renovation project; it's in the pipeline."

Unlike the Darklandian subways, which were usually host to a variety of colorful individuals from all races and backgrounds, the rickety fluorescent-lit subway cars were all vacated, with only littered remains of this morning's newspaper for company. Iggy eyeballed them with interest, but they all seemed to be the front page of the _Thowmp Street Journal. _He rolled his eyes and clutched a support as the subway doors closed.

A tense 10-minute subway ride later, the crowd found themselves at the exterior of the considerably cleaner Tourmaline City, Inc. headquarters and city hall. The building was made of grey steel and cold glass and jutted far into the smoggy upper layers of the atmosphere. Out front was a tasteful fountain and a few abstract metal statues. "Corporate art," sneered Ludwig.

Inside, a muted grey piranha plant wearing understated, soft grey lipstick greeted them with a charming voice. "Good afternoon, welcome to Tourmaline City Incorporated headquarters slash city hall. How may I be of assistance to you today?"

"Protocol number five-three-eight-nine," stated one of the white piranhas.

The receptionist smiled widely, "Welcome foreign dignitaries, we hope you are enjoying your visit to Tourmaline City Inc. Mr. Biztech, our president slash CEO, is currently booked in meetings all day. We would be happy to provide overnight accommodations and pencil you in for a 9:30 appointment tomorrow morning. Would that be acceptable?"

Bowser growled his lowest growl. "We're here on important business…"

The receptionist seemingly perked up upon mention of the word 'business'. "Oh yes sir, here at Tourmaline City, Inc., we understand and respond to your business needs with a variety of business-solutions. Please, allow our representatives to escort you to the overnight premises and we'll be happy to discuss your business' unique needs in the morning."

* * *

The overnight accommodations were sparse at best, three plain hotel rooms with fluorescent lighting and grim, grey interiors.

Peach showered and prepared some of the complementary tea in the room she shared with Wendy. Her burn stung in the hot water of the shower, reminding her of her exhaustion. She touched her hand to her lips; between the arrival of the Koopalings and their strange surroundings she had barely talked to Bowser all day, trying to pretend like their kiss never happened.

_But it did happen, didn't it? _And she had enjoyed it too, the unexpectedness, the heart-racing flushed embarrassment. Not to mention that he might have saved her life.

She sighed, wishing she still had the nightclothes from her bag. All she had left was her silk wrap, an uncomfortably itchy grass skirt, jeweled sandals, and her gold bracelets. The cheap complementary robe from the hotel closet would have to do. She exited the bathroom and removed the bag from her lukewarm tea.

"This place is, like, so depressing," complained Wendy. "I totally can't wait until we go home."

Peach nodded in agreement, hoping Junior was safe. They had been on the road for days, it was a miracle that none of the Koopalings were hurt yet. Could their luck continue?

"So," started Wendy, her head resting on her hands eagerly, "what's it like adventuring with King Dad?"

Peach thought for a moment; what was it like? The first thing she wanted to say was tiring; her whole body was exhausted. She was sunburnt and had bug bites and bruises. She had nearly died of exposure, starvation, dehydration, and trampling. She had also been kidnapped and made into a human sacrifice…

Peach blushed and smiled, it was also very exciting. But worrying too! She was constantly worried about the fate of the other Koopalings. Even during the nicest moments she could not shake her fear that, somewhere, somebody was doing something awful to them.

"Well, it can't be too bad if you're still here," Wendy continued, bored with Peach's conflicted silence. "You know he's, like, crazy in love with you, right?"

Peach felt a flutter in the pit in her stomach, she knew, of course she knew. It's just, nobody had ever said it so plainly before. It had always just been implied. She knew it shouldn't make her as excited as it did.

"Would you care for some tea, Wendy?" asked Peach, desperate to change the topic.

Wendy smiled wickedly, "No thanks." She looked at the clock; it was a quarter after 10 pm. "Your sunburn looks awful," she remarked rudely. "I brought some stuff from the castle, let's do a quick makeover, alright?"

Peach agreed, anything to stop Wendy from talking about Bowser, though she couldn't evict the Koopa King from her mind as Wendy prattled on about various grooming products, celebrity scandals, and clothing trends. How could Wendy seem so excited in such a dull, dismal situation?

"Okay, take a look," she commanded, handing Peach a small hand mirror. A tired looking young woman peered back at her from within the glass. Peach smiled and touched her face. The eye shadow was darker than she would have usually worn, as was the blush; but the makeup hid her sunburn and made her feel more beautiful and in control than she had felt in a while.

"Thank you…"

Wendy tossed some underclothes and a clean dress her way. "From the fortress. I figured you could use another one since it looked like your other bag in Garnet was just full of sexy underwear."

Peach flushed in embarrassment. "You went through my bag?"

"Well, hurry up and get dressed unless you're going to wear that robe…you're going to be late," commanded Wendy, ignoring the question.

"Late for what? We should be going to bed soon so we can be well-rested to rescue Junior tomorrow."

Wendy rolled her eyes dramatically, "Oh no, we did NOT just put on makeup to sleep in it, sweet pea. You're gonna march into that bathroom, change your clothes, and go to the rooftop, so help me…"

Peach hesitantly retreated into the bathroom, mechanically putting on her clothes without really understanding why.

"…And for Granbi's sake, you and King Dad need to quit worrying about Junior so much, he's gonna be just fine."

* * *

A few moments and several commands later, Peach found herself twiddling her thumbs in the hotel elevator, going up to the rooftop for reasons unknown. The steel doors opened to a blast of warm, smoggy air. Peach coughed her displeasure a few times and looked out over the rooftop, which was empty and entirely silent apart from the whirring of an air conditioning unit in the corner.

Peach leaned over the railing to look at the yellow glow of the city lights below, which wavered and undulated like a desert mirage due to the pollution in the atmosphere. She couldn't decide if she found the city lights to be ugly or beautiful.

After some time had passed and nothing seemed to be happening on the rooftop or down below, Peach turned to go back down to her room. She was tired and would not be sorry to sleep on a bed, even the cheap "economy" bed in her shoddy hotel room.

As she approached, the dented metal doors of the elevator popped open to reveal the Koopa King, wearing his usual scowl.

Peach jumped back in shock, "Bowser, is that you? Sorry, it's a little dark out here."

"Peach?" His voice sounded just as confused as hers.

"Did you want to meet me out here? I was just about to go back to my room…"

"Uh, the kids said you wanted to talk to me," he stated accusingly.

Peach sighed, "Ha ha ha, your kids are always up to something. I should have suspected as much."

Bowser scratched the back of his head with his claw in embarrassment, "Yeah, I should have known too."

The whirring of the air conditioning stopped, leaving a deafening silence between the two royals. Bowser cleared his throat.

Peach took a deep breath, "Listen, about what happened yesterday…" She wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it, but if she didn't, it would eat away at her.

Bowser flushed bright red and briefly considered acting as if he didn't know exactly what she was talking about. "Oh, uh, yes, that."

"Why did you…"

"Hey, I was improvising, okay? I was just trying to save our lives. It's not even like I liked it or whatever, so don't get mad at me."

Peach sat down on a ledge at the edge of the rooftop and clutched the protective railing, slightly crestfallen. "Oh, you didn't?"

He caught the hint of disappointment in her voice but refused to believe it. He sat beside her and lowered his head. "Well, maybe a little…" he muttered with a smirk.

Peach blushed, a strange happiness filling her chest with effervescent bubbles that crept up her cheeks in a blush. "Me too," she whispered, snuggling into his arm and answering the unspoken question he desperately wished to ask.

* * *

Early the next morning, the eight royals found themselves in the large, ornate executive office of President/CEO Mr. Biztech, a larger the average Piranha Plant with a huge grey head and a sharp black suit over his leafy limbs.

Peach shivered; he looked as though he could be a relative of that Petey Piranha who caused all that trouble for Mario on Isle Delfino.

Bowser slammed his fist against the wooden desk between himself and the plant. "Don't make me repeat myself; I have it on good information that Junior is here, and we're not leaving without him."

The plant grinned, baring his large, pointed teeth. "I understand your frustration but it seems there has been a…misunderstanding. I apologize for the inconvenience, but perhaps we can sort all this unpleasantness out over a game of golf this afternoon?"

"For the last time, I don't have any time to play a round of stupid golf!" Bowser roared. He'd been in "negotiations" with this nincompoop for an hour and a half and was getting nowhere fast. The stupid plant just kept smiling and inviting him to play golf.

The Koopalings were dozing in various positions on and around the executive leather couch near the office entrance. "King Dad," murmured Iggy, "maybe we ought to just go play some golf…it has to be more productive than this…"

"Yeah, I wanna play golf too," Larry chimed in, "I've been working on my backspin technique!"

"Ha ha ha, sorry little man, golf is a game to be played among gentlemen, perhaps when you're a little older."

Peach folded her arms, correctly supposing this meant she was also not invited to play golf. "Bowser, I'm fine to watch over the Koopalings while you're out…"

"That's the spirit! I'll have my secretary book us a two o'clock tee time. Now, if you don't mind, I have some other business to attend to. Please feel free to confer with your associates in the lobby."

"But Peach, I don't want to play golf with that idiot," Bowser whined after the door closed behind them. "We need to focus on finding Junior before it's too late."

"I know," she whispered, "That's why the Koopalings and I are going to do a little espionage while Biztech's out. Something doesn't seem right here."

Bowser gave her a mischievous grin, which quickly melted into a look of concern. "What if you get caught?"

"Don't worry about me, I can handle myself. I'll have the older Koopalings look after the younger ones too."

He looked at Peach tenderly and hesitantly touched her cheek. "I don't want you to get hurt…"

"Please, I'll be fine." She smiled, touching his hand, "You focus on playing the best game of golf possible, we'll handle the rest."

"Alright then," he turned to the Koopalings, "You brats listen to your Mama Peach; what she says goes. Be good, no fighting, and DON'T take any unnecessary risks."

Bowser grumbled; he'd play golf, if only for the good of his son, but nobody had better expect him to wear any damn golf shorts.

* * *

Back in the hotel room, the remaining royals convened to plan their espionage against Tourmaline City Inc.

"Junior could be anywhere, so I think the best thing to do would be to split up and search for clues. Roy, since your informants led us here, take Morton and see if you can't get more information from the locals."

"No problem, Mama Peach, we won't letcha down!"

"Yeah, we'll make those locals talk so much they'll get a headache from their own talking!"

"Ludwig, I want you to go with Larry, and search the area. Any closed rooms are fair game. If someone catches you or wants to know what you're up to, just run. Iggy, Lemmy, and Wendy should also go together."

"Like, what exactly do you want us to do, Mama Peach?"

"Go through drawers, cabinets, whatever you can find that looks suspicious. We'll meet back here in two hours, to share what we've found. Don't be late, or we'll have to organize a party to search for you."

"What will you do, Mama Peach? Who will you go with?" asked Larry.

"I'm going to sneak into Mr. Biztech's office while he's out, so it's better if I go alone. Remember, if I'm not back in two hours, assemble a search party and come look for me."

"Okay Mama Peach, be careful."

Peach gathered her skirt and stepped into the fluorescent-lit hallway. The first challenge would be finding her way back to Tourmaline HQ, as the subway only went there twice a day, except on special permission. Nonetheless, she headed for the subway station, prepared to negotiate, bribe, and fight her way to the HQ if necessary.

The city streets were grey and empty in the dim afternoon light. Dust and soot swirled in the polluted winds, causing Peach to lapse into a coughing fit. The smell of exhaust burned in her nose. How could anyone live in such an awful place? All streets in the city seemed to form a well-worn path toward the subway station; after a few minutes of brisk walking, Peach carefully made her way inside to find a squad of Piranha guards.

"Princess Peach, we've been waiting for you…"

Peach took a cautious step backwards, only to find her way out blocked by more guards. Her heartbeat hastened.

"Not to worry, we've prepared a special tram for you…please hurry."

Having no other option, Peach followed the Piranha Plants into the subway and once more headed for Tourmaline HQ.

_At least I know how I'm getting there but…why were they waiting for me and how did they know I'd come to the subway station?_

The rickety tram whined a creaky complaint as it slowed in front of Tourmaline HQ. Peach was briskly escorted into one of the elevators, up several floors, and finally into one of the hundreds of conference rooms.

The fluorescent lights hummed and blinked overhead and the Piranha guards stared at Peach in silence for a few long seconds.

"Well, what is the meaning of this?" she finally spoke, scraping her chair across the floor as she stood.

"We beg your patience; one of our associates is going to contact your kingdom and arrange for your safe departure."

"What!" she cried, incredulous.

"Yes, we had heard of your abduction and as a mater of CSR, will be sending you back to your home kingdom."

"What on earth is a CSR?"

"Corporate Social Responsibility."

"What? You…you can't just deport me. What will happen to Bowser…to the Koopalings?"

"The King of the Darklands will be apprehended and tried as a political criminal. I suspect the Koopalings will become wards of the state in Tourmaline…President Biztech will see that they are well taken care of…"

Peach's eyes widened. With Bowser out of the picture and her deported to her own kingdom, there would be nothing standing in the way of anyone trying to harm the Koopalings. "Please, I must demand you allow me to stay in Tourmaline…"

The Piranha Plant looked coldly at her, "Due to legal liability, I'm afraid Tourmaline City Inc. will be unable to grant your request."

"But someone has to look after the Koopalings!"

"I assure you, the children will be well taken care of in our free market Child Protective Services program?"

"Free market…?"

"Yes, once every two weeks, prospective parents may come in and demonstrate their financial ability to adopt a child of their choice. This ensures that children only go to responsible parents financially equipped to…"

"What! You _sell them to the highest bidder?"_

"Well I…not exactly…"

"That's completely unacceptable! These children are royalty and victims of abduction themselves! You mustn't allow this. I will take care of them. If you must deport me, so be it, but the Koopalings will stay with me."

The plant raised an "eyebrow". "And do you have legal documents that confer responsibility to the children unto your care?"

Peach furrowed her brows, "No but…"

"Are you a family member?" laughed the plant, "Next of kin, perhaps?"

Peach's face brightened, "I'm their mother!" she shouted triumphantly.

The plant looked Peach up and down with an expression as scandalized and disgusted as a plant's expression could be. "Unlikely!" it barked.

"Mama Peach!" called the far-away voice of Bowser Junior. "Mama Peach, where are you?"

"Junior? JUNIOR!" she yelled back, lunging for the door. Several Piranha Plants blocked her path. Peach took a step backwards and reached for her chair as an improvised weapon. The plants opened their mouths to reveal rows of sickle-sharp teeth.

"Mama Peach!" cried Junior, busting open the door and toppling all the Piranha guards blocking the way.

"Junior!" she cried in relief, allowing the youngest to rush her for a brief embrace. "C'mon, hurry. They've got King Dad all locked up and boy is he mad."

"Have you seen any of the others?"

"Yeah, they're all here, c'mon let's go!"

Soon, Peach and Junior were scampering up the fire stairs. "How did you find me?" asked Peach, breathless.

"Everyone said you'd be here, so I figure if I just started yelling, you'd have to hear me."

_What are they all doing here so early? There's no way I've been gone for two hours already…right?_

Soon, they arrived in a grand conference hall. A long table had already been smashed aside, the culprit roaring in the corner, threatening to break loose from his heavy, electric shackles.

"Bowser!"

"Peach!" he roared, trying to pull out of his restraints, "take the Koopalings and run! Get them somewhere safe."

"No way King Dad, we're not leavin' without you!"

Suddenly, the conference hall door burst open and Mr. Biztech entered the room, flanked by several guards. "Splendid, everyone is here. Security, take the children to the 821st floor, we'll be needing them shortly."

Peach stepped in front of the hoard of Koopalings protectively. "I won't allow you to take them anywhere!"

"Ah, the Mushroom Princess. I do believe your van will be arriving shortly. Don't you want to go back to your kingdom? Your people must be so worried about you."

His silken, creepy voice sent shivers down her spine and the nearness of his huge gaping maw caused her to tremble. He took a step toward her and the Koopalings. She caught sight of Bowser struggling with his bonds in the corner of her eye. Her will stiffened and she dug her feet into the ground.

"Shut your foul, ugly mouth," barked Peach, in her best, most confident Bowser impersonation. "I'm not going anywhere and neither are the Koopalings."

The Koopalings cheered and hollered at the sound of their Mama Peach getting tough. Biztech took another step forward. Peach narrowed her eyes and slowly sidestepped toward a broken table leg on the ground. "Just try it…" she threatened in a low, decidedly un-Peach-like voice.

In a flash, Biztech rushed forward and knocked Peach to the ground. Roy and Morton leapt upon his back, fighting to keep him from striking out at Peach.

Meanwhile, Ludwig and Iggy rushed to their father's side to help him short circuit his electrical bonds while Wendy, Lemmy, and Larry worked together to make short work of the security squadron.

"Where's Junior?" Peach cried above the ensuring chaos.

"I'm right here, Mama Peach!" called a voice from her side. "Are you okay? Can you stand up?"

Peach picked herself off the floor painfully. "Yes I'm fine." She picked up the broken table leg off the floor. "Let's go help your father."

Biztech turned to his guards, who were embroiled in battle with three of the Koopalings. "Idiots! Don't let them free the Koopa King."

"I'd worry about cha self if I was you," leered Roy, before delivering a fist to the gut of the suited plant.

"Yeah, you smelly old smelly Piranha Plant. We're gonna beat you so hard we're gonna grind you up and pulverize you and feed you to your own smelly face!"

The guards scrambled to stop Junior and Peach from reaching Bowser, but were stopped short by several speedy balls to the back of the head. Lemmy giggled and aimed again.

Peach and Junior reached Bowser, Iggy, and Ludwig. "Well, Ludo and I think it shouldn't be too hard to disable the cuffs, we just need to put enough pressure right about…here…" Iggy pointed.

"Oh, let me see it," Peach demanded frantically. "Close your eyes," she demanded of the Koopa King before brutally smashing the cuffs with the broken table leg, sending splinters flying everywhere along with the cuffs.

Bowser's eyes went wide and he chuckled. "Brute force! I love it!" He ruffled Peach's hair.

"Shut up and save it for when we get out of here," she replied.

The guards lay in a heap in front of the door, nursing their various wounds and the unoccupied Koopalings slowly began to circle around President Biztech with mischief and malice in their eyes. Bowser and Peach took their place in the circle and Junior thrust something in her hand with a grin.

_What's this? A fire flower?_

"Yo Pops…I think dis guy forgot who he was messin' wit'. I say we teach 'im a little family lesson, if ya know what I mean." He let a few sparks and a wisp of smoke emanate from his mouth.

Biztech stood as still as a statue, surrounded by the Koopas.

"Hm," Bowser growled ferociously, then turned to look at Peach for approval. She gave Bowser a smile and a quick nod, and then equipped her fire flower with confidence. All at once, the entire Koopa family blew as much fire as they could toward President Biztech, creating a blazing, sweltering inferno.

The sprinkler triggers shattered with the heat, causing an alarm to sound and water to rain down on the entire building. The ten royals bounded out the doors, down the fire stairs, laughing and cheering all the way.

They finally reached the front plaza and stood around among the thousands of shivering employees enjoying the rays of the sun on their leaves for the first time in years. Nobody looked too upset the building seemed to be on fire or the president of the company would have to take an extended medical leave.

"Bwahahaha! Serves them right!" Bowser said, as the fire spread quickly to cover the entire building. Years and years of meaningless paper documents flew into the sky as fireballs of ash and came back down like a light, gentle snow.

Peach put a hand to her mouth; had she helped cause all this? "I hope everyone was able to get out safely…"

Bowser tilted his head and smiled. The sweet, gentle Peach was back. "Looks like everyone is ok…actually, nobody even looks worried at all."

The Koopalings cheered; "That was _awesome!" _Larry cried.

Morton was clearly beside himself. "Did you see me? The big fat Piranha Plant was all like _zoom, _then I was all like _swoosh, _and then he was all like _aaahhhh!"_

"I was dere too, ya big lughead. If it wasn't fer me, ya probably woulda got stomped by dat overgrown flycatcher."

"I'm just glad everybody is okay," Peach interrupted before Morton could begin protesting.

"Yeah, I think it's time we got the heck out of here," Bowser stated. "We should get the Clown Car before these idiots come to their senses and start looking for us. Let's go home."

Peach held Junior in her arms and glanced at the sky. _Home. _It would be nice to go home after all this time but…what if she didn't quite want to leave?


	10. Epilogue

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with me to the end of the story! I'd just like to take a moment to shamelessly plug my next story, which will NOT be in the Mario section, but in crossovers: Mario and Zelda. It'll be another romance (what else) but the pairing is a secret for now. It's not posted yet, so I'll try to mention it in my other story, 100 reasons, when it is (or you can put me on author alert). Ok, ok, enough advertising, on with the finale! Thanks again for reading!  
**

* * *

"Incoming; Clown Car 37, do you read?"

"Roger that, confirm occupancy."

"CC37, do you read me? Confirm occupancy."

Bowser's voice echoed through the hangar. "It's me and the missus, plus all the rugrats. Now open up and tell the janitors the hot tub had better be squeaky clean."

Bowser rubbed his aching back as the Clown Car self-piloted down into its usual resting place in the Darklandian castle. Even the usually energetic Koopalings were moaning and groaning, eager to wash up and stretch their limbs.

"Your Majesty, welcome home," called Koptel, a red Paratroopa, and the lead engineer in the hangar.

"Wow, the Clown Car looks like hell…wonder what they did to it this time…" muttered one of the senior engineers behind him, earning glares from Ludwig and Iggy.

"Take care of her, boys. She's been through a lot," Bowser muttered, barely coherent.

"Your Grouchiness," called Kammy Koopa, rushing into the hangar. "Welcome home. There are a number of items to report since your departure…"

"Save it, Hag. I'm going upstairs, I'm getting my shorts, and then I'm going for a good long soak."

"But Sire…"

"I said later!" he roared at her. "Take Peach upstairs as well and see what they can do about her sunburn."

"Yes sir," muttered Kammy as she whisked Peach upstairs to the castle infirmary, Bowser and the Koopalings wearily dragging shell behind them.

"Oh, my aching everything…" whined Iggy, pulling a suitcase or two out of the luggage hatch of the Car. He was completely unprepared for what came rolling out with the luggage.

"Bark bark!" Chompy's insane grin and wide, vacant eyes looked up at Iggy as he wagged his chain happily.

"Woah there! How'd a Chomp get in the luggage compartment? King Dad, can we keep him?"

Bowser cast his weary eyes back on the energetic, young Chomp, who looked back with a happy bark. He sighed, "Whatever, he's already here, might as well put him in the Chain Garden with the rest of 'em."

"Yay!" shouted the Koopalings, particularly the younger ones, who were already fishing in their suitcases for something to feed the creature.

"Look, he likes cookies!"

"He's a Chain Chomp, he probably likes to eat anything."

"He'd eat your stupid, ugly butt, you stupid butt, ugly face!"

"He? Are you entirely sure that specimen is male?"

"He's, like, round…how can you even tell?"

Bowser pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand. "Before we know it, we'll be starting a zoo," he mumbled.

* * *

Just as Bowser finished changing into his swimwear, Kamek appeared in his chamber in a flash of smoke and geometric shapes.

"What the—hey Geezer, you ever heard of knocking?"

"My apologies, sire. Kammy and I have discovered some interesting information regarding your—"

Bowser growled in annoyance, "I thought I already told you two to buzz off. Allow me to make it a little clearer for you: there is a hot tub downstairs and I intend to be in it in less than five minute. There is also a good chance that Princess Peach will join me. In the hot tub. In her swimsuit. With me." Bowser stuffed his face straight into Kamek's to drive his point home. "Interrupt me or ruin this in any way and, so help me, I will roast you into nothingness."

Kamek shrugged his shoulders, well accustomed to these sorts of threats. "Well, good luck then Your Casanovaness, and give my regards to the Princess. "

* * *

Peach sat in the bubbling waters and sighed, taking in the warm night air typical of the Darklands. _What a crazy adventure. _She glanced over at Bowser, who couldn't seem to decide what to do with his eyes, and smirked. Same old Bowser. Still, she thought, there had never been a kidnapping quite like this one before and for that she was mostly relieved. Like Luigi, she found it easy to envy Mario and all of his fabulous adventures. The way he told his stories, with that gleam of passion in his eye, made it seem like there could be no greater pastime than adventuring, alone or with friends.

_I guess Mario's just a born adventurer, but maybe he's well practiced because of all the times he's had to rescue…Oh no! Mario! I completely forgot; he's probably out trying to rescue me right now!_

The sudden look of shock on Peach's face did not go unnoticed by Bowser. "What's wrong?"

"I-I completely forgot. I was just thinking about adventures and rescuing and then Mario…he's probably out trying to rescue me. He could be anywhere!"

Bowser slumped. A romantic evening under the stars in a hot tub and all she could think about was Mario?

"Heh, don't worry Peachy; if he comes, I won't let him take you away. I'll fight him off like always, just for you."

Peach crossed her arms and gave a half-annoyed, half-endearing look. She dared not remind him he always lost when fighting the plumber. "No Bowser, I mean he could be out trying to rescue me for no reason, and that doesn't seem right. I need to contact him in some way and let him know I'm okay."

"Oh forget about him for a little while, I'm sure he's just-wait…" Bowser perked up, "Did you just say 'for no reason'? You mean…you don't want to be rescued?" Bowser could barely stop his tail from swishing the water.

Peach faltered; she hadn't really thought about what she was saying. "Well…I suppose at this point I wouldn't say I need a rescue but…"

"So you'll stay with me!" Bowser half-asked, half-declared, hoping against hope for a 'yes'.

Peach sighed, "No Bowser, that's not what I mean…I have to go home to my castle, to my people."

Bowser's features settled into a pout. "You should stay."

Peach glided through the water over to his side and touched his arm with a compassionate smile. "I had fun with you over these past few days. It was exhausting, but I'm glad you allowed me to come along."

Bowser huffed, but couldn't stop himself from smiling a little. "If you had fun, then why not stay with me and have fun all the time?"

"Bowser…I'm exhausted, you're exhausted, and at the end of the day we both have kingdoms we've been away from for far too long. It's not so much that I don't want to stay, it's just that I can't and…I think you know that."

"Yeah…but…" _ You could just marry me and then we could both rule our kingdoms from here!_

"Maybe…maybe I could come visit sometime? Maybe we could have a picnic or do something a little less strenuous next time."

Bowser grinned, she wanted to go on a picnic with him. It wasn't a lifetime of marital bliss, but it was certainly better than nothing. "Sure, I've got to give your bracelet back to you after I finish having those stones put in, right?"

The nearby bushes rustled, and a voice behind them whisper-screamed, "Ow, ow, Morton you're on my foot!" followed by a deep, sleepy chuckle.

Bowser growled and with one deft swipe tore the offending bush out of the ground to reveal several Koopalings.

"Hiya Pops," chimed Larry.

"What do you brats think you're doing spying on Mama Peach and I?"

"Oh Daddikins, we like, totally didn't mean to. We wanted to, like, go swimming too, but we came outside and it was obvious that you and Mama Peach were totally having a moment and we didn't want to interrupt."

"And then nosy noser Junior wanted to hear what you were talking about like a nosy nose with a big fat nose, so he jumped into the bush."

"Uh, can we go swimming too?" asked Junior, red-faced and trying to divert the conversation.

Bowser grunted and waved his hand, indicating that the Koopalings could jump right in. With many a splash, the Koopalings tumbled into the tub all at once, the displaced water crashing on the ground over the side of the tub.

Bowser half grumbled and half sighed with contentment. It was good to see his family all together again, even if it was just to be as annoying as they ever were. He told himself he couldn't wait to ship the brats back to boarding school after summer vacation, but knew he would secretly miss them after they left.

"I'm so glad everybody is safe," Peach yawned, "but I think I've earned a little rest. Bowser, we can arrange to take me back to the Mushroom Kingdom tomorrow, right?"

All the Koopalings bolted upright.

"What?"

"You're leaving?"

"We, like, thought you'd want to stay with King Dad, you know, like, after your big adventure."

Peach sighed, "I'm sorry everybody…I'm just sure my kingdom is so worried about me…I've been away for so long. I promised your father I'd come back soon and have a picnic with all of you."

"But…"

Peach smiled, "No buts. I'm going to go inside and call Toadsworth and let him know I'm coming home tomorrow. Please don't make it harder for me than it already is…I do like spending time with you all…and your father too…" She threw a glance up at Bowser and blushed. "But I have to go back…my people need me."

With that, she lifted herself out of the tub and wrapped up in a fluffy black towel, Bowser's grinning insignia featured prominently against her midsection. "Goodnight everyone and…sorry again."

* * *

Mario's Mailbox SP vibrated in his pocket, interrupting an otherwise fruitless trek through winding, tree-lined paths on his continued quest to rescue Princess Peach. A few seconds later, Daisy and Luigi's devices also began to vibrate. Mario smiled in smug superiority; ancient though his device was, his message came through first.

He flipped open the SP to reveal a message from Toadsworth. The quest was over, the princess was being held safely at Bowser's Castle in the Darklands, with the express promise she would be safely delivered to the Mushroom Kingdom before noon the next day.

Luigi nearly jumped for joy, "Does this mean we can go home?"

Even Daisy looked relieved at the prospect.

Mario sunk a little and nodded. The adventure was already over? Where were the great battles, terrifying enemies, and dangerous locations? This whole adventure seemed to be nothing but…sightseeing. Why in the world did Luigi and Daisy look so beat down and tired?

Mario kicked at a pebble and muttered, "Let's go."

* * *

Bowser sullenly trudged up to his room, ready to enjoy the comforts of his bed and the knowledge that his children were safely snuggled into theirs. _And Peach, in hers…in my castle, but only for tonight._

He sighed; he had so much hope that she would come to see how he felt about her and when she gave a hint of reciprocity he had been over the moon, but now he felt a fool to have hoped she would stay with him, consider him…love him.

He kicked open his double doors at the top of the stairwell and jumped back from the two pairs of glowing eyes he hadn't expected to see behind them.

"Good evening, Sire. Was the hot tub enjoyable?"

"Jaydes! What the hell is WRONG with you two tonight?" He narrowed his eyes. "How long have you old perverts been waiting in my bedroom in the dark together?"

Kamek grinned, "Since you got in the tub, Your Highness."

"But…but, it wasn't like that, Your Grossness," Kammy sputtered.

"Hah, I know. I was just trying to get a rise out of you. Kamek's too old for that; all the potions in the world couldn't get a rise out of him, if you know what I mean."

Now it was Kamek's turn to be flustered.

"Ugh, just grossed myself out just thinking about it," the Koopa King grunted. "Alright, everybody out, I'm goin' to bed."

"But Sire…"

"But what? I'm tired and I want to sleep. You're telling me whatever it is can't wait until tomorrow?"

Princess Peach hovered by the door to Bowser's room. She had come to say goodnight and thank Bowser for taking good care of her on her adventure and certainly had no intentions whatsoever of possibly maybe getting one last goodnight kiss. When she reached the doors, it seemed like he was busy talking with Kammy and Kamek. _Maybe I'll just wait here for them to leave…_

"Oh for Granbi's sake, just look at the stupid paper," Kammy snapped. "The important part is highlighted; I found this when I was going through the castle financials."

Bowser grumbled and pouted as he fumbled for his reading glasses. All of this to show him some stupid glitch in the financials…what did they expect him to do about it? Bowser's eyes widened when he saw the highlighted item, but it wasn't the considerable sum of coins that got his attention. He had seen this company somewhere before.

"What. Is. This."

"Well Sire, we did a little research and it looks like the Koopalings have been up to some mischief again."

The line item read, as clear as day, Tourmaline City Inc. Several hundred thousand coins and a handwritten note from Kammy: "For 'villainous services' ordered by the Koopalings."

Bowser's face went pale. Those kids would be the death of him. _Could _have been the death of him, and of Peach. Those kids were going to be in so much trouble they were going to wish they had never been rescued at all. "You've got to be kidding me…"

"What is your will, Sire?"

Bowser growled through gritted teeth. "Round up the Koopalings first thing tomorrow morning. Early. I will lecture them in conference hall 8, afterwards I trust you two will be able to think up and supervise some very severe punishment."

"As always, it will be our pleasure to assist you. And regarding the Princess?"

Bowser slapped his hand to his forehead. If Peach were to find out the whole adventure…their whole time together had been a sham…she might hate him forever. "Ugh, for the love of Granbi, whatever you do, don't tell Peach."

"Don't tell me what?" came a soft voice from inside the doorway.

The three Koopas nearly jumped out of their shells when they saw Peach standing there, arms folded across her chest. "Don't tell me what?" she repeated, more insistently this time.

Bowser waived the paper in the air, "Oh, it's nothing, the Koopalings have just been buying stuff they shouldn't again…How long have you been standing there?"

Peach pursed her lips, "Long enough. Why wouldn't you want to tell me about that? Why would my name even come up in regard to that?" She stared hard at Kammy and Kamek, who stepped aside with raised eyebrows.

"Uh…I thought you'd be upset that I was gonna punish them. You know, since we worked so hard to rescue them and stuff. So yeah, what, uh, are you doing here, did you need something?"

"You're lying to me. I need you to tell the truth. What's on the piece of paper; will you please let me see it?"

Kammy stepped forward to block Peach's path. "Those documents are classified information for the eyes of the Darklandian Royal Family only."

Kamek rushed to Kammy's side to block the angry princess from advancing any further on his charge. "It's been a long day for everybody; perhaps it would be good to get some rest and maybe finish this discussion tomorrow morning over a cup of tea?"

"What wise counsel," Peach seethed, "Let me add a bit of my own: I suggest the two of you get out of my way as I fully intend of knowing the contents of that paper and don't plan on leaving until I have."

Bowser forced a smirk and held the paper aloft over his bed. "Well if you wanted to sleep in my room, you could have just said so…" Bowser wondered if this scary, angry side of Peach was a product of his influence, and moreover, would it become a regular thing?

He barely had time to register her movement before she was reaching to pluck the paper out of his hands. He moved the paper out of her reach and looked at her pleadingly.

"Sire, will you have us remove her and seal her in her room?" Kammy asked impatiently.

Bowser looked down at Peach reluctantly. "Not yet. Peach, c'mon, what gives? I don't even know what this thing is yet and I said I don't want you to see it. I don't want to lock you in your room but you can't come barging in to mine and start acting like…my enemy."

Peach recoiled in shock at Bowser's surprisingly logical plea. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes as she blurted out, "I'm sorry, I'm just really tired and I don't know what came over me. I just don't understand why you would want to keep secrets from me and lie to me. I thought we were…a team and could…and could trust each other."

Kammy and Kamek slowly backed out the room and closed the doors as Bowser put his arm around the sobbing princess.

"Hey hey, we can trust each other. You trust me right?"

Peach looked up and nodded.

"Good, then just trust that I didn't want you to see because I thought you'd be mad."

"But why?"

Bowser sighed, unfolded the paper, and handed it to Peach, bracing himself for impact.

"What? Why is this on here? What is this?"

Bowser sighed again, "They made it up. The whole damn thing. The kidnapping, the villains, everything."

Peach's eyes went wide, her mouth agape, and her cheeks pink. The whole thing had been…a lie? She recoiled from Bowser in shock and anger. She flashed him an accusatory look.

He threw up his arms, "I had nothing to do with this! I swear! I'm as angry as you are; probably more since I have to pay for it!"

Peach stared back in stony silence.

"Oh c'mon…you said you trusted me. Even I wouldn't do something like this. Ugh, just don't be mad…please?" He looked at her with his ever-familiar pleading eyes.

Peach looked at him, huffed a huge sigh of pent up frustration, and buried her face in his arm, lightly beating his bicep with her fist. "It was all for nothing? Why on earth would the Koopalings do such a thing?"

Bowser thought back to their adventure, the wonderful scenery, the romantic moments they shared, the whole family working together in the triumphant defeat of Biztech. He thought of the night on Emerald, when Ludwig insisted he allow Peach to travel with him. It all made sense now.

He looked Peach in her teary eyes and cupped her face in his hand. "They wanted us to be together."

Peach opened her mouth to argue, but closed it when she saw Bowser's saddened posture.

"I told you, they're crazy about you. Hell, we all are. I am, they are, the whole kingdom. It's not the way I would have gone about it, you've gotta believe me when I say I didn't know anything about it. I'm still gonna punish the kids for putting me, and you, in danger but…I don't…regret the time we spent together."

Peach grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly, unsure how else to cope with the raw emotion flowing from the usually closed-off king.

Bowser's heart raced and, in his panicked nervousness, he couldn't stop words from tumbling out of his mouth. "I know it's a lot to ask, for you to consider being a mother to eight kids and queen to another country but…ugh, how can I say this…well, it's the truest thing I know: I love you."

Peach's heart caught in her throat. It's not that she didn't know, but she had never heard him actually say before in such plain terms.

"I always have and I always will. I just…please, reconsider my offer. Stay with me and the Koopalings. I know they're miserable little brats, but if you stay I'll spend my every waking hour making sure you're happy and want for nothing. You can remain in complete control of your kingdom and rule from here, or even go back from time to time to visit. Anything you want, really."

Peach looked down at her hands, overwhelmed. Her cheeks flushed pink and she became aware of how alone they were, sitting on his bed with the doors closed, Kammy and Kamek nowhere to be seen.

She silently leaned her head back onto Bowser's bicep and sighed. It felt so nice to be loved and be told she was loved. But there was no way she could accept. It was a lovely fantasy, but reality was fraught with complications and procedure. As it was, her kingdom would never accept Bowser as king and even she herself could not be sure. A few weeks was hardly enough time to completely change her perception of the Koopa King, even if she would admit complex feelings beginning to surface.

"Bowser…"

He braced himself, the icy sensation of dread gripping his heart.

She smiled to herself, "I legitimately enjoyed spending time with you over the last couple of weeks and…I don't mean to keep you waiting but, what if we got to know each other better first…as friends."

Bowser grinned, for her, he'd wait forever.

She stared into his gently burning amber eyes, swallowing and leaning forward slightly. "Actually…I came in here to say goodnight and…"

Their lips met, plunging the room into soft silence.

* * *

Late the next morning, Peach practically danced through her court, bidding everyone a good morning, telling them how much she missed them in her long absence.

Sarasaland's heat wave had finally migrated to the Mushroom Kingdom, creating sweltering conditions that seemed to make everyone else in castle extremely groggy.

Mario, Luigi, and Daisy languished outside under a striped awning. They twiddled their thumbs, hopelessly bored.

Peach giggled and brought them a pitcher of raspberry iced tea. Next to her bright, glowing face, the Mushroom Trio looked positively sallow. She looked at them with a sympathetic smile.

"Say, if you're all so bored, who's up for some swimming?"


End file.
